Healing Power

It's not the destination...

2010-06-19T22:25:00.003-05:00

A long time between posts. It seems to be the way I'm blogging now. But the road has gone from a dirt trail to an expressway of life.

Why have I returned to my blog? Well, we got a new iMac computer and it came with a free iPod Touch. So, when I posted an update on my LinkedIn page, using the LinkedIn App for iPhone/iPod, it put a tag in the line that I was using that app. And a friend made a comment about how far we had come.

So, I went back and reviewed the time until I quit blogging. There's a heckuvan emotional trip there. At one point, I posted how much I missed eating meat. There was another reference to the darkest time in my marriage. But we emerged from the depths of the valley to the top of the mountain when God led me to a new job.

I travelled this journey. Looking back on my footsteps is almost scary. And not all of it is contained within Healing Power. My conclusion is that there is no destination in life. It is a journey.

I'm not sure when I'll be posting again. I'm working two jobs and the rare moments I'm off, I find myself enjoying my family or doing some light housework. I rarely spend time on the computer. And, as much as I want to delve into this new iMac ('specially GarageBand!), the overwhelming desire is to relax.

Thank you, Squat and Melanie and the couple of others out there, for reading this rarely updated blog.

The Funniest Thing Jesus Said

2009-11-10T20:47:00.002-06:00

"Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.

Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye.

Do not give dogs what is sacred; do not throw your pearls to pigs. If you do, they may trample them under their feet, and then turn and tear you to pieces.
- Matthew 7:1-7, NIV

I think this is the funniest thing Jesus said. Can you imagine someone walking around with a telephone pole sticking out of their eye? Jesus did, and he likely laughed when He told the story.

This week, my two lovely daughters were arguing over petty things. I brought out my bible and asked them to read this passage. Just six little verses. Then I asked them what it meant.

"If there is a log in your eye, you won't be able to reach the person with the speck. How can you take it out?"

I gotta say - that answer caught me off guard. But it did (kinda-sorta) drive my point home. "If you can't help them with their speck because of your own log, what should you do?"

"Well, you have to take the log out of your eye first, I guess."

It was all I could do not to shout out for joy.

I went on to explain how their situation that night lined up with this story. It's been stuck in my head for the last few days and I have found a heckuva lot of logs in my own eyes. For example:

As I finally passed someone who refused to let me into their lane even though my blinker was on, I inadvertently blocked someone who had their blinker on.
As I ranted about another's stupidity, I committed a stupid act that cost me an hours' work.
As I chastised my daughters for not cleaning their room, they pointed out my shoes and jacket which were not put away.

Yeah, everything that comes around goes around. "...with the measure you use, it will be measured to you." - Matthew 7:2, NIV

Response to Missional? When?

2008-08-02T09:09:00.001-05:00

My friend and pastor, Sean Palmer, has a great vlog (that's video blog and blog is short for web log so I guess vlog is short for video web log). It regards the "Missional Church". In it, he asks us to define a "Missional Church". My answer got too long for a comment, so I'm posting it here. And it got even longer once I posted it here...

A "missional church" (all one phrase) is not an easy thing to answer. I tend to think about it on a global scale rather than an individual scale. Forget about the local institution and focus on the universal church.

Missional means spreading Christ's word. Pure and simple. Not necessarily evangelical, but giving people what they need physically and spiritually. How can an institution do that? Star of Hope. Boy and Girl Scouts (those are in alphabetical order - not picking favorites). Food pantry. Prison. Clinic.

The question becomes less about "What can I do," and more about "How did Jesus do it?" Jesus was at the places where people needed Him. He hung out with tax collectors and sinners. Perhaps in our day He'd be hanging out at the rock concerts and nightclubs. Whether He participated or not is answered by 2 Cor. 5:21 - that He knew no sin.

So, to be missional, the church needs to be in places it really doesn't want to be. Montrose. Sixth Street. San Francisco. Vegas. The church - and that means its people - need to be out in their unchurched world and living the life.

Be a friend to a flaming homosexual without endorsing - or condemning - their lifestyle.
Be a friend to the alcoholic without endorsing - or condemning - their lifestyle.
Be a friend to the Buddhist, Muslim, Hindu or other non-Christian without endorsing - or ridiculing - their choice.

Once you establish the friendships, as Jesus had, you can see lives change. You can see them healed.

I think singer Todd Agnew hit the nail on the head in his song "My Jesus":

(Note: This video is not by Todd Agnew)

How does one become missional? One simply looks past the lifestyle, the dirt, the corruption, the addiction, the crime... and finds a soul to love. That's what Jesus did. I know it's hard. The last place I want to be is in a place where everybody around me is living a life I consider to be repugnant - a place like a homosexual community. But that's where My Jesus would be. He wouldn't participate, but He would definitely show the love.

So, in a nutshell, WWJD is being missional. Go there. Do that. Get the T-Shirt. Remember - it's not just about the poor. There are probably more wealthy unchurched than poor. It's about sinners. It's about you and me.

This, Too, is Pretty Sad

2008-07-29T18:17:00.002-05:00

Twenty days between blog updates. And it's not like I'm incredibly busy. I can even get to blogger from work. But, for some reason, I am failing miserably to update my blog.

I think the big problem is that my passion for writing is at a low right now. I have no desire to write. I still get worked up about things, but I just talk about it with live people rather than write in my blog.

Sadder still, though, is the friend who called and asked, “Did you get my message?” Or the prisoner with whom I've been corresponding saying “You must be very busy. I haven't heard from you in a while.” Worse yet - “Have you been praying for me like you promised?”

ow.

Where does the time go? And when I sit down to document it all, I still come up with nothing. I mean, I find time to watch 80-year-old movies, but I can't find the time to write a friend who can really benefit from a letter. I can find time to surf the internet, but not to call a friend who's left four messages for me. I can find time to stay fat and lazy but not to ______ (fill in the blank).

And why do we do this? Why is it so hard to get started doing the easy things? I have my ideas. In my case, I'm lazy. I don't want to do the things I have to, so I find creative ways to get around them. I have my Classic Movie Weekend. I say “I have to spend time with my family.” Hey - what's more noble than that? Or, I update a blog that nobody reads.

OK - that was a cheap shot at you, Squatpuke.

Seriously, though. Who wants to pledge to actually do the noble things you say you're going to do? Who wants to actually find the time to mentor that person who needs help? Who wants to actually volunteer in the prisons or schools or Big Brothers/Big Sisters? Who wants to spend a weekend beautifying their church? Or mowing the lawn for a neighbor who can't? Or visiting a sick friend or family member or church member or total stranger with no family in the hospital? Now, that last one, I don't think I can do.

Prayer:

Almighty Heavenly Father,
You have told us that we are the Body of Christ. We are His hands and feet - His hug and kind voice. Through You alone, working in us, we can demonstrate your immense love for this lost world. But we need to get our lazy selves motivated to do something.

Father, create in us a heart that cries for Your Spirit - for Your motivation - for Your willingness and capabilities to reach out to those around us who may not even know you exist. Shine Your light through us - but get us out into the world where Your light will do some good.

Thank You for being there for us. Now help us to be there for someone else.

In Jesus' Holy Name we pray,
Amen!

It's So Sad

2008-07-27T13:03:00.003-05:00

It's so sad - and all you veterans will likely agree.

This was my “Classic Movie Week” and it includes such classics as “Metropolis” (1928), “Casablanca” (1941), “The Maltese Falcon” (1939), and others. Having discovered the greatness of Humphrey Bogart, I returned to the library and picked up more Bogie Movies (though I still haven't figured out what is meant by “Bogart-ing” a smoke). The one I sat down to watch today was titled “Across the Pacific” and starred his Maltese Falcon leading lady, Mary Astor.

On the top menu of the DVD for “Across the Pacific” was a choice for “Warner’s Night at the Movies”. It included a trailer for a Cagney film about the RCAF, a newsreel with details about raising a sunken Japanese bomber from the bottom of Pearl Harbor, a cartoon (which I have not yet watched) and “Men of the Sky”, a 30-minute story about the heroes of the US Army Air Corps. It is this last portion I wish to elaborate upon.

This was a production of Warner Bros. I do not know their stance during recent years of national trauma, but Hollywood, in general, is very keen to make the American Fighting Men and Women look like terrorists rather than patriots.

“Men of the Sky” begins with a look at a USAAC graduating class - where they came from and where they are going. It ends with... Well, I was going to paraphrase, but I'll let the narrator do the talking. He said it much better than I could.

Through sky and wind and heat and cold, darkness and fog. But that's where we have to go to fight a war. That and a lot of other places. To keep the murderers we know well; the barbarians against the freedom of free people away from our shores, our homes and our families.
What's under those wings? {camera zooms to wings on Airman's chest} Why, the small towns of America. And hundreds of churches where we worship as we please. And kids playing in their front yards. And soda pop. And farmers digging the soil. And the right to say what we think and believe what we believe.
And you're under those wings - you who built the planes that keep 'em flying. You who gave us these boys; who saw them grow up and go to school and get jobs and go off to fight a war for the very things you taught them were worth fighting for. Yes, and you who hope they'll come back.
That's what's under those wings! It's us! All of us and what we're fighting for!
So spread those wings Army Airmen! Spread them over Tokyo! Boom! And Yokohama! Boom! Drop your bombs! Boom! On Berlin! Boom! And Osaka! Boom! And Dresden! Boom! And Hamburg! Boom! Bomb their factories and their ammunition plants! Boom! And blast their planes right out of the skies! Rat-a-tat-a-tat!
The hearts of all of us fly with you under those wings!

Why can't Hollywood make something like that today? Rather than a movie about how the government betrayed their soldiers (“Black Hawk Down”) or about how our government bombed our own shores in order to start a war (“Fahrenheit 911”)? Why can't Hollywood celebrate the men and women keeping us free rather than portraying them as madmen (“Full Metal Jacket”)?

I'm off my soapbox. I want to go watch my cartoon and movie. Let me know what you think. Is it me or Hollywood that's nuts?

What's my connection...

2008-07-07T21:51:00.003-05:00

What is your connection with God? Do you have one? Have you ever felt His presence during a time of prayer or worship? Have you relied on His guidance so much that if you let go you would surely fall? Have you literally communed with Him - by that, I mean established a communal link where you speak to Him and He speaks to you?

For most of us, those are stories in the Bible. For some, those are fleeting moments. For a very rare few, those are everyday occurrences. I fall into the middle category. Either I've experienced communion with Him or I've had some fantastic hallucinations. I lean toward the former. Problem is, those moments are fleeting.

And, I've found that they most often happen when I'm in the presence of the woman who led me to Him. Well, this week, she went to visit her mother out of state. I'm at home alone. 36 hours after she left, I found the alone-ness to be more than I could bear. There I sat, in the pew at church, without her by my side. Though I was surrounded by friends, I was still utterly alone. Suddenly, the realization hit me. Sure, I have found connection with God, but it's only through her.

I spoke with an elder at my church concerning this. I want that connection with Him back. I don't want to have to plug in through her. I am supposed to have a direct connection with Jesus - like I have with people standing right next to me. That happens rarely enough and only with her present. Not to mention the fact that I know how God fixes problems like this - He removes the stumbling block. Just like He's done before by removing my job, rendered my education worthless and shown me glimpses of poor health. Now I'm terrified He'll remove my wife.

So I asked an elder how to fix this. He's been a preacher most of his life; if anyone knows how to fix it, it'll be him. He told me it's simple. “Confess to God what you just told me. Ask Him to fix it.”

I thought, “No way. It can't be that simple.”

I first called my wife and told her my thoughts. I also told her what the elder told me. She said, “You know how God fixes this sorta thing, right?” See, I'm not paranoid. “It's a good thing I came to Mom's house. It'll give you a chance to fix this.”

So I sat down and I prayed. I confessed this co-dependency to Him and asked Him to help me establish a direct connection with Him. I don't pray as much as I should. In fact, I gotta admit that I have a reminder on my computer at work. It pops up once every two hours and simply says “Pray.” There's a funny story about that - and I'll tell it at the end.

Anyway, I don't pray much, but I did on Sunday after I got home from church. And I didn't feel God's presence like I had in those few minutes in my past. What I did feel, was a comfort, even in my alone-ness. In fact, the alone-ness was completely gone. Rather than stay up all night depressed 'cuz I'm all alone, I worked around the house, cleaning my daughter's room some and starting laundry. I went to bed at a decent hour, too.

Is the connection via my wife cut? Am I directly connected to God? Only time will tell for sure. I've shortened the duration on my “Pray” reminder to one hour. It sure cuts into my work. But I think it's worth it in the long run. I don't say much, I just thank Him for giving me His time out of His busy schedule, and ask that He help me to be His representative here on Earth. Another job I'm not doing too well, but that's another topic for another day.

So, pray with me. Pray that I - and, likely, so many others out there - get and keep a direct connection to our Lord and Maker. Pray that we can help others establish and maintain the same connection. Pray for our country's leaders, our lawmakers, our law enforcers and our soldiers. Especially pray for our sailors - I had to add that 'cuz I used to be one.

Prayer:

Almighty Heavenly Father,
Thank you for this day. Thank you for the opportunity you've given each of us to worship you. Your holiness, your majesty. There is nobody worthy of praise except you!

Father, we confess that we have put others in our lives before you. Our spouses, our children, our parents, our friends. We acknowledge that this sin separates us from you. By putting another first in our lives, we set ourselves - and them - up for failure. Nobody can live up to the love you embody. Forgive us this sin, we pray. Pour out your love on us that we may reflect your holiness.

Father, as we move through our lives, pour out your blessings of love and peace upon us. Fill us with your Spirit; your joy.

In Christ's Holy Name we pray,
Amen!

Funny Story

At work last week, a fellow SysAdmin was showing me how a certain software package worked. After installing it, and right when I started it up for the first time, my computer reminded me to pray. He started laughing out loud. “That's scary. You start the program and your computer tells you to pray. I hope it doesn't explode!”

How Do You Do It?

2008-06-12T06:48:00.002-05:00

I used to be crude. I used to enjoy crude humor. "When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me." (1 Cor. 13:11, NIV) Apparently, though, becoming a man doesn't mean anything if I don't keep pushing it.

I keep finding myself drawn to that crude humor. I laugh at it. I participate in it. I make people laugh and I feel better. Why?

I long to be like Christ. I long to be an example for others. Yet I also don't want to alienate anybody. So, in my pursuit of commonality, I surrender that which is most vital - my tiny bit of holiness.

So, how do others do it? How do people remain an integral part of society; accepted in a world of sin while retaining their holiness? How do people avoid being shunned for their relationship with the Savior? Better yet - how do people truly stand up for Christ without the fear of being shunned?

Faith - What is it?

2008-06-05T06:12:00.003-05:00

Faith

noun: 1. The name of a country music singer - Faith Hill.
2. 1/3 the name of my favorite forum (FHL Forums).
3. An oxymoron in a political session: “Faith-based Initiative”
4. Something you absolutely and completely believe and for which you are willing to risk your very life.

This blog entry refers to number 4 above.

I was thinking about this on the way to work this morning. All people, including me, exercise faith every day in nearly every activity. People have faith that the police are the good guys. People have faith that the government really is here to help them - and that their votes actually do count. (Disclaimer: I am going to vote in November - this is not an excuse not to vote!) People have faith that the vehicles on the road are going to do what they expect them to do.

I'll give you an illustration of that last one. Several years ago, when my oldest daughter was about two, I was driving over a huge overpass, the top layer of a four-layer intersection. For those of you familiar with Houston, it is where I-610 and US-59 intersect near the Galleria. Since I was on a freeway and the traffic was fairly clear, I was moving at about 70 miles per hour. I had complete faith that when I got to the other side of the crest, the traffic would still be fairly clear.

I was wrong. And after I tapped the car in front of me at about 10 mph, my daughter yelled "FUN!"

All of life requires us to put our faith in something. And all of us, whether you are a Christian, Buddhist, Hindu, Muslim, Jew or Atheist, put our faith in something regarding the afterlife. You either have faith that your belief is correct or that your non-belief is correct. Even the Agnostics and Apathetics have faith that their indecision will not hurt them.

This thought leads me to say that all political initiatives are, indeed “faith-based”. Without faith, political initiatives will not even take shape. Someone has to believe they will work in order to be started.

I ask you to consider these ideas regarding faith. What are your thoughts? Let me know - either by comment to this blog or by e-mail to claysramblings@gmail.com if you wish to remain anonymous.
I look forward to hearing from you!

Living at Ease...

2008-05-26T09:50:00.003-05:00

They asked him, “What must we do to do the works God requires?”
Jesus answered, “The work of God is this: to believe in the one he has sent.”
- John 6:28-29, NIV

As Jesus went on from there, he saw a man named Matthew sitting at the tax collector's booth. “Follow me,” he told him, and Matthew got up and followed him.
While Jesus was having dinner at Matthew's house, many tax collectors and “sinners” came and ate with him and his disciples. When the Pharisees saw this, they asked his disciples, “Why does your teacher eat with tax collectors and ‘sinners’?”
On hearing this, Jesus said, “It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. But go and learn what this means: ‘I desire mercy, not sacrifice.’ For I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners.”
- Matthew 9:9-13, NIV

Open the gates that the righteous nation may enter, the nation that keeps faith.
You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you.
Trust in the LORD forever, for the LORD, the LORD, is the Rock eternal.
- Isaiah 26:2-4, NIV

I am getting closer to discovering exactly what “Perfect peace” really is. It is a total understanding that no matter how bad it gets, the LORD is still on my side. He has brought me to understand that nothing can bring me peace except Him.

This portion of “Healing Power” began to churn after a discussion with a follower of Eastern Meditation. She told me that she loves the Eastern philosophy that says you get to keep trying until you get it right. “Nobody loses!” But that means you have to keep coming back here. And I'm not so sure I want anything to do with that.

So my response was, “That's why I like the Christian Truths. When my time on Earth is done, it's done. I don't have to come back. I get to stay in Paradise with my Heavenly Father forever. I don't have to spend eternity getting it right, because my faith has made it right.”

The question I waited for, though, never came. Because I have felt an itch for the last several days, I'll answer it here. How can you be sure you are good enough to enter Heaven?

Paul answered that question in the book of Romans. I'll sum it up here. God gave us a list of laws that He knows are impossible to keep. Since they are impossible to keep, He sent His Son, Jesus Christ, to take on our guilt. All who confess a resurrected Christ will have everlasting life. I believe. I will spend eternity with Christ.

So if all you have to do is believe, then you can do whatever you want, right?

Paul answered that in Romans, as well. Sin grieves God. Yeah, we still sin, but that is because the temptation of the evil one - the enemy - is sometimes greater than we can overcome on our own. When we do sin, the Father lets us feel some of His pain through guilt. But He also reminds us that our sin is forgiven through Christ's sacrifice on the cross.

Then we are to criticize others for not living as we believe is right? Is it OK for us to be a sorta Christian Taliban?

Absolutely not!

“Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.
“Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye.”
- Matthew 7:1-5, NIV

This passage asks that if we are not perfect, who are we to judge? That is not why we are here. We are simply here to share the good news. And, as such, we smile when we talk - we don't yell and condemn.

So, I do not engender controversy. I share the love of Christ, and I pray for those who do not. I am finding the Peace which Christ described.

Taking the Time

2008-05-02T05:45:00.003-05:00

Last night I was able to return to prison. It's the mission work I love doing. As we caught up on the last three months (has it really been that long?), he lamented the fact that so few people write letters to him. Some write and say they will write more often, but don't. I'm ashamed to admit that I fall into the latter category.

But letter-writing isn't the only task about which I procrastinate. Truth is, I'm more inclined to find time for things that are less important to do like play a game on the computer or watch a television show. What does it take to get away from that?

I think it goes back to my last post regarding prayer. Between my desire to commune with the Most High and the enemy's desire to break that communion, I wind up finding something else to do that is more active but much less fulfilling. Something like playing a stupid game on the computer.

As I talked with my friend in prison, he committed to never doing anything like that. He said, "I know how hard it is to be in this position." And I hope he's right. I had made the same commitment when I got out of the Navy. It was so hard to go to mail call for several weeks and not get anything. But then, when my brother went on a six month cruise, I did not write him a single letter. Something (like a computer game) was more important.

Christ commanded us to love God first, everybody else second and ourselves last. Loving others means taking the time to be there for them. Write the letter. Make the phone call. Drop in for a visit. Find the time.

Prayer

Heavenly Father, your hands created this world in which we live. Your hands created the very essence of time from which we cannot escape. You made it our responsibility to be good stewards of the time you have given to us.

Help us to grow into that stewardship. Help us to stop doing the things that waste our precious time and embark on a new mission that will reflect your Glory. Bring about in us the change that makes us shine for You.

In Christ's name we pray,
Amen!

Three Days and Counting...

2008-04-30T16:41:00.002-05:00

That title sounds so negative. But I was wracking my brains to come up with a good title. So, here ya go. Three Days and Counting... is the title of this post.

Why am I even posting? It's really all about prayer. And answers to prayer. And what it takes to be a good pray-er (as in praying person, not the communication between you and Father God). Tomorrow, May 1 2008, is the National Day of Prayer. Pray with me.

I'm trying to develop the pattern of praying all day. And I'm falling flat on my face. Not literally, in this context that would be a good thing. No, I'm simply not doing as well as I'd like. My goal is, as 1 Thessalonians 5:17 says, "Pray without ceasing." (American Standard Version)

What does this have to do with the title? Well, three days ago, I started working for a new company that is unashamedly Christian. In the employee handbook is "The Mustang Prayer". That's not to say they are opposed to anyone who is not a Christian. Following Christ's example, they have an open-door policy.

Beyond my new employer, though, I've been trying to keep in prayer in order to strengthen my armor. With everything my family has been through over the last six years (has it been that long?), the enemy is continuously firing shots at us. I'm betting that through prayer, God will make me stronger - and my family by proxy.

So, for three days, I've had little interference in my prayer life. I've seen prayers answered - a well-paying job in my chosen field, healing at home, a chance to return to prison and more. I've felt the peace of God descend on my family and I. I've experienced firsthand the pleasure of nestling in God's arms free from worry and care.

I'm not doing as well as I'd like to, but I'm doing better. I'm also doing better about praying for the people I said I would. Like Keneke and Squat who both have knee injuries. Like Jesse's kidneys and upcoming surgery. Like Mamaw and her circulatory issues. Like Jack and his wife - both are in failing health. Like my Dad and his compounding issues.

No, I'm not boasting. I'm merely telling you what's working for me. I'd like to encourage you to try it for a while as well. See if you don't experience the peace I've come to know. Build a relationship with God. Remember, prayer isn't just you talking to God, it's talking with Him. Listen for His response. And teach your kids to do it as well.

OK - I'm outtahere.

Prayer

Almighty Heavenly Father, my Dad in Heaven. All majesty and power to you. Though our nation has set aside one day to pray, I seek to find you through prayer all day every day. I ask that you bless each of us as we embark on this journey.

Thank you for being available to us through Jesus Christ's sacrificial offering. It's in His name we pray,
Amen!

In ALL Things, I will Praise Your Name!

2008-04-25T08:10:00.002-05:00

A little background is needed: This week, my job did not start as planned. There were some contract and HR snafus, so my start date was pushed to next Monday (04/28/2008). They have assured me that I still have the job, that the client company still wants me, that they wanted me to start on the day they interviewed me... but that there were simply some hurdles to overcome. So, for three days this week, I rose at 6 AM, got showered and dressed just in case they called. Then, at 5 PM I went to my other job at the jewelry store.

My wife has been preparing to lead the Ladies' Retreat at our church. That has taken an extraordinary amount of time with very long days, often starting before 7 AM and rarely ending before 1 AM. During this last week, she was finalizing preparations and ensuring that everything was ready to go. Still some long days. Hours on the telephone and computer. Last minute changes. Her schedule was booked solid, and she was supposed to be caring for the kids while I was at work.

Well, as you can probably guess, I was very frustrated. My job did not come through as expected, and I was stuck at home all day. I was happy to take the kids all day so my wife could do her thing. This unexpected pleasure, though, was not enough to overcome the frustration I felt at not going to work. I was getting angry and short-tempered.

Finally, my wife looked at me and said, "I have enough trouble planning for this retreat with you working one job. It would have been impossible if you were working two, as we thought you would be. God has freed your time so you can help me as I go to do His work!"

Amazed, I just stared at her. Don't get me wrong; my wife always has wonderful spiritual insight for me. I really think she operates on a higher plane than I do. But I was amazed because I had been trying to find any reason that this was more than just another way to get me down. When she pointed that out, I still struggled with frustration, but I could see the Hand of God in everything that was happening.

She left for the retreat yesterday. My folks are here to watch the kids while I go to the jewelry store. All is indeed well with the world.

Prayer:

Father in Heaven, Your ways are so much higher than our ways. Your ways can see all things, past, present and future, and make it all work for good. Forgive me for having been so blind I could not see Your Almighty Hand in all that has happened.

I ask that you open the eyes of all who believe. Open their eyes to see how You work in all things, even the mundane or frustrating. That some must sacrifice temporarily so that others may move forward.

Finally, thank you so much for the new job! I am very excited about it, and I am ready to commit to it for the long haul - which I would not have been able to do without Your hand in my life. Thank you for using me as a piece of Your glory on earth. Thank you for allowing me to spend more time with my kids. Thank you for giving my parents time to come up and spend with us. And thank you most of all for the lovely woman you put in my life who so strongly desires to work for You!

In Christ's Name we pray,
Amen!

2007 was a Rebuilding Year...

2008-04-21T11:06:00.002-05:00

I'll admit, that during the 2007 we were rebuilding our team. We suffered inconsolable losses and celebrated few victories. We did, however, learn from our shortcomings, and looked at the opening of 2008 as a truly new year with a higher promise from a Higher Power whom I praise and glorify - Jesus Christ, the Annointed Son of God, our Savior and Redeemer.

2007 brought to a head some of the problems I had encountered - especially material greed. In an attempt to teach me a lesson, I had to learn how to live without the finances I thought were so necessary. My friends can attest to how my faith became an empty pit as I grasped onto the fleeting joys of eating meat. My wife became an expert at making two meals out of a single chicken breast, saving the bones for me so I could nibble the meat. We learned that brown rice is more nutritious than white rice and will fill the tummy faster. We learned that a couple extra bucks on fruit will keep the kids healthy and filled without buying all the junk food. I learned that I could be happy without all the material things that bring only temporary joy. We found that Medicaid is not a bad word, even for the fiscal conservatives we have been raised.

In response, the Lord told me to stay put at the job which paid so poorly. He demonstrated His providence for us, in that we never missed a house payment, never missed a meal and our cars - though apparently on their last legs - are still operating well and passing inspection. We have become like the Israelites in the wilderness, receiving all the blessings and still grumbling because it's not enough.

Finally, though, several of my customers asked me why I was selling cars when I should be working on computers. I accepted this as a directive from the Lord that I need to begin working my way out of the car industry. On April 1, I accepted a job as a jewelry salesman at a store in the mall. Immediately afterward, offers for interviews began pouring in. I found myself on phone interviews for jobs ranging from programmer to network analyst to grunt tech support. One of those phone interviews led to a face-to-face interview with a company known for treating its employees very well.

That job has materialized. Waiting only for the legal department to finalize the paperwork, I start working in the computer field this week. God has provided a way that I can bring home the money we need to run a household. He has provided a way that, with the lessons we learned from being po', we can now live on less money than before and still have extra. By acknowledging that all our gifts come from the Lord, we can have less and still be satisfied.

Prayer:

Almighty Heavenly Father, we know that you have promised to not let a single sparrow escape from your loving grasp. And that you consider us to be worth so much more than a sparrow. Thank you for your abundant providence! Thank you for bringing home our bacon!

Father, as we all embark upon a new day, remind us of your continued presence and gifts. Bring us home with you and provide us all with a full tummy. And remind us that there are others who do not have what they need - and you have commissioned us to care for those needs.

In Christ's Name we pray,
Amen!

Blindness

2008-04-10T08:56:00.003-05:00

"I once was blind, but now I see"
- John Newton, Amazing Grace

"I can see much clearer now I'm blind"
- Dream Theater, Take the Time

Jesus said, "For judgment I have come into this world, so that the blind will see and those who see will become blind."
Some Pharisees who were with him heard him say this and asked, "What? Are we blind too?"
Jesus said, "If you were blind, you would not be guilty of sin; but now that you claim you can see, your guilt remains.
- John 9:39-41, NIV

What is Spiritual Blindness? How can we know if we are blind or if we see? What is the meaning of the riddle in John 9? Why did I pick this topic today? Why do they call it a freeway when it costs a million dollars per mile?

I can safely say that I believed I could see until I realized that I was blinded to the truth. The world has a definition of blindness that is diametrically opposed to God's. When one can "see," according to the world, they are blind, according to God. They are unable to align themselves to God's law. They begin to serve the almighty dollar and leave the Almighty God behind. Obeying the two great commandments, "Love God first, love everybody else second" makes you a "Jesus Freak" according to the world. And who wants to be labeled a freak?

But once I discovered that I was truly blind, then I could see Christ. I could see where He wants me. Of course, I kept losing sight of Him and His blessing, but it does get easier to come back. It's kinda like looking at the stars. I live in a large city. I can get around just fine, day or night, because there's so much light. But I can only see a select few very bright stars at night. Get me out of the city, away from the lights, I can't see where I'm going. But I can see the stars.

Spiritual blindness is the same thing. You have to forgo this world in order to see Heaven. My goal in life is to be blind to my heart's desires, seeking only to fulfill God's desires. Once I can achieve this, I know my heart will be truly satisfied.

Prayer:

Almighty Father in Heaven, hear our prayer. We come blind into your courts, seeking sight. The desires of this world have blinded us to your Kingdom. Desire for a bigger house, a better car, a faster computer, a nicer TV... These desires have taken such root in our spiritual eyes that we can no longer see You.

Show us your Glory! Show us your Majesty! Bring us back to your courts, your subjects - no, your children. Heirs to your throne. Bring us full circle back into your grace!

Thank you, Lord, for the opportunity we have. Thank you for crucifying our old selves and restoring purity in our lives.

In Jesus Christ's Holy Name we pray,
Amen!

The Quran Left at my Door

2008-04-03T20:07:00.002-06:00

I have always wondered what the other faiths believed. Well, at least beyond the basics. I'll be the first to admit I know little about faiths, though I know a little more about Christianity than I do the others. I was going to write what I thought were the basics, but decided against it. I would only be showing all the world exactly how ignorant I am of the rest of the world. I welcome any input to teach me - in common layman's terms - what the rest of the world believes.

To that end, someone dropped a gift at my front door. Actually, they put it in a bag and hung it on my doorknob along with instructions to treat it with the respect any holy scripture deserves. It was delivered by the "Book of Signs Foundation", and the English translation was approved by AL-AZHAR, ISLAMIC RESEARCH ACADEMY, GENERAL DEPARTMENT FOR RESEARCH, WRITING & TRANSLATION, Cairo, Egypt and the PUSAT ISLAM in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia.

My wife asked, "What do you want to do with it?"

I replied, "I don't know."

I thumbed through the introduction which asked that we not throw it away if we don't want it, simply pass it along to someone who might. I've already found that person and he will have it on Sunday.

I'll admit that I'm curious. I know it was passed along with the intent to proselytize. And I know it's my job to return the favor. But how?

First, I'm reminded of I John 5:10-12:

Anyone who believes in the Son of God has this testimony in his heart. Anyone who does not believe God has made him out to be a liar, because he has not believed the testimony God has given about his Son. And this is the testimony: God has given us eternal life, and this life is in his Son. He who has the Son has life; he who does not have the Son of God does not have life.

. I have the testimony in my heart. I know what God has done in my life and what I believe He can do in the lives of others. I can readily share that -- when prompted by the Spirit.

But in reading I John, I see that "Anyone who does not believe God has made him out to be a liar, because he has not believed the testimony God has given about his Son." Does this mean I am to condemn others who don't believe as I do? Do I condemn those who have trained as earnestly in their faith (maybe even more so) as I? Had I been in a different place, perhaps I would believe as they do.

To this end, I'm reminded of Paul's address to the Athenians on Mars Hill. Rather than condemn them, Paul appealed to their common ground.

Paul then stood up in the meeting of the Areopagus and said: "Men of Athens! I see that in every way you are very religious. For as I walked around and looked carefully at your objects of worship, I even found an altar with this inscription: TO AN UNKNOWN GOD. Now what you worship as something unknown I am going to proclaim to you.

Paul did not condemn them, rather he appealed to their intellect. He praised them for their faith.

I thank the Book of Signs Foundation for their leaving the Quran at my door. I wish I had been available to receive it in person. I see it as a gift from one who loves me and desires to see that I live my life in a manner pleasing to Allah. For that, I truly thank you. You are, in a sense, bolder than I. You don't mind knocking on a stranger's door.

However, I feel that I must respectfully decline your offer. I will present this English translation of the Quran to an Elder at my church who has expressed interest in studying it. Rest assured that it will be handled with the respect due any holy scripture, including my own copy of the Holy Bible.

I will also offer up a prayer that you may come to know and have a relationship with the man you call the Greatest Prophet; the man I call Jesus Christ, Son of God, Savior. I also pray that your acceptance of the messiah will not drive a wedge into your family.

In this light, I would like to open a respectful dialogue with people from other faiths. By respectful, I mean an exchange of information without an attempt to proselytize, or argue. This is not a challenge. I have no desire to debate about these ideals of faith, nor do I claim to have all the answers regarding my own. I simply wish to talk about it.

Prayer:

Almighty Heavenly Father, I come into your presence in awe and wonder at the works of your hands - the majesty of your spoken Word. I come in thanks for all you have done for the world, for your Church, for my family and for me - the saving work of your Son.

Father, grant my request: that people of all the world may sit down and talk about themselves and their faith - or lack thereof. That some of us may come to an understanding of why, and how.

Father, I also ask that you enrich my heart as I embark on this mission. Protect me from anger and jealousy as you did Paul on Mars Hill. Help me to achieve a meaningful understanding of the people in this world.

In Christ's Holy Name I pray,
Amen.

Where Faith and Fear Collide

2008-02-01T15:53:00.000-06:00

There's something deep inside
That keeps my faith alive
When all you can do
Is hide from the fear
That's deep inside of you
Something...
To hold me close when I don't know
There's something deep inside
That keeps my faith alive!

- Collide by Skillet. From the album by the same name.

As I mentioned, God seems to want to keep me where I am. "Keep doing what you're doing and it will be OK," He says. But, my brain says, "This isn't going to work. How can I keep doing something that isn't working and expect it to work?" But for some reason, I'm doing what I think God wants me to do. That's faith. And I'm afraid. I'm making 1/3 the money I need to make in order to meet the bills. Yet I'm supposed to believe it's all going to be OK. How?

"There's something deep inside that keeps my faith alive." It's faith that keeps me doing what I think God wants me to do even though I believe it's not going to work. As the man said, "I believe! Help my unbelief!"

"When all you can do is hide from the fear that's deep inside of you." I want to run and hide. I want to run back to IT, even though I'm not going to make anywhere near the money we used to make. I want to run back to a world I don't like because I'm comfortable there. That's where I'm going to hide from the fear.

I'm scared. Yet I'm compelled to continue doing what I think God wants me to do. What would you do?

"But his hair started to grow back..."

2008-01-27T09:24:00.000-06:00

This is becoming a roller-coaster ride, and one that will put Six Flags to shame. Last week, I detailed how I had a mountaintop experience with the Lord and came to be at peace with my life. Then I detailed how that peace was so short-lived after the enemy pushed me off the cliff. Well, now I'm gonna tell you how I caught an express trip back to the top of the mountain.

I've never been a shy man, except about my relationship with the Lord. But with recent events I've become even less shy. I told several people at work about my mountaintop experience, and those I told said nothing to my face about how crazy I sounded. Maybe they did behind my back, but I'm living as if they didn't. Anyway, even though I fell off the mountain into a deep pit, I kept living as if I were on top of the mountain. I only shared my negative experience with the blog-o-sphere and a very spiritual man at work.

I told him about the insight I had regarding placing complete trust in the Lord, and how I am having so much trouble doing that. I told him that God has made it very clear to me that He will provide for my family if only I will let Him. My friend's response was, basically, "You better be buckled in!"

So, on the way home, I started praying. I asked God, "How can I trust in something that makes absolutely no sense?"

He replied, "That's what faith is all about.

"Yeah, but every bone in my body is telling me that it won't work."

"That's what faith is all about. Do you want to trust me or your feelings?"

See that's the difference between Christianity and the Force... Seriously, though. This morning one of my friends at church asked me how this week went. I told him it went well. He asked if I'd sold any cars, and I said, "No, but I've found that's not important."

Bottom line: I'm learning to place trust in the Lord, and not in the things of this world. It's really hard to do, but I'm trying.

Prayer

Almighty heavenly Father, you made everything. So, you own everything. You have given us charge to oversee your creation, but it's not ours. What right, then, do we have to take more than you want us to have?

Father, we strive for the material things of this world, even though you have told us that "thieves steal and moths destroy". Why, then should we seek these? Simply because it makes this extremely short life more comfortable?

You have promised us that you will provide all that we need. I have seen this: We've never missed a house payment due to lack of funds. We've never missed a meal (and it shows). Our house is warm in the winter and cool in the summer. We are free to worship you in our country. We have two communities of faith that bolster us during our hard times. We are actively advancing the gospel in our work and school. You have promised us that you will provide all that we need, and you have followed through on that promise.

There is, then, nothing more that we need do, except what you guide us. Forgive us for trying to do all this on our own. Forgive us for failing to trust you and taking matters into our own hands. Forgive us for not being the holy examples you have commanded of us.

Father, talk to us. Through your Holy Spirit, through your Holy Word and through the open and closed doors in our lives - guide us. Make us wholly accountable to you in all that we do, never seeking to glorify our own lives.

Thank you, Father, for everything you have given us.

In Christ's Holy Name we pray,
Amen!

Houston Auto Show

2008-01-25T06:06:00.000-06:00

I've never been to an auto show. As much as I enjoy looking at fancy sports cars, I never really found them interesting. But now, with my new career, I've been invited to a free breakfast (note the word: free) and sales rally at the Houston Auto Show. This time it sounds interesting. 'Course, the main reason I'm interested is 'cuz there's free food.

No, this is not a regular blog entry - more like a regular journal entry...

Perhaps I should have posted this on Facebook rather than my blog.

LinkedIn to Facebook

2008-01-24T22:24:00.000-06:00

I'm now "LinkedIn". I'm also now on "Facebook". Check 'em out!

That's a quick post...

The Great Divide

2008-01-23T21:40:00.000-06:00

Delilah said to Samson, "Tell me the secret of your great strength and how you can be tied up and subdued."
Samson answered her, "If anyone ties me with seven fresh thongs that have not been dried, I'll become as weak as any other man."
Then the rulers of the Philistines brought her seven fresh thongs that had not been dried, and she tied him with them. With men hidden in the room, she called to him, "Samson, the Philistines are upon you!" But he snapped the thongs as easily as a piece of string snaps when it comes close to a flame. So the secret of his strength was not discovered.
Then Delilah said to Samson, "You have made a fool of me; you lied to me. Come now, tell me how you can be tied."
He said, "If anyone ties me securely with new ropes that have never been used, I'll become as weak as any other man."
So Delilah took new ropes and tied him with them. Then, with men hidden in the room, she called to him, "Samson, the Philistines are upon you!" But he snapped the ropes off his arms as if they were threads.
Delilah then said to Samson, "Until now, you have been making a fool of me and lying to me. Tell me how you can be tied."
He replied, "If you weave the seven braids of my head into the fabric on the loom and tighten it with the pin, I'll become as weak as any other man." So while he was sleeping, Delilah took the seven braids of his head, wove them into the fabric and tightened it with the pin.
Again she called to him, "Samson, the Philistines are upon you!" He awoke from his sleep and pulled up the pin and the loom, with the fabric.
Then she said to him, "How can you say, 'I love you,' when you won't confide in me? This is the third time you have made a fool of me and haven't told me the secret of your great strength." With such nagging she prodded him day after day until he was tired to death.
So he told her everything. "No razor has ever been used on my head," he said, "because I have been a Nazirite set apart to God since birth. If my head were shaved, my strength would leave me, and I would become as weak as any other man."
When Delilah saw that he had told her everything, she sent word to the rulers of the Philistines, "Come back once more; he has told me everything." So the rulers of the Philistines returned with the silver in their hands. Having put him to sleep on her lap, she called a man to shave off the seven braids of his hair, and so began to subdue him. And his strength left him.
Then she called, "Samson, the Philistines are upon you!"
He awoke from his sleep and thought, "I'll go out as before and shake myself free." But he did not know that the LORD had left him.
Then the Philistines seized him, gouged out his eyes and took him down to Gaza. Binding him with bronze shackles, they set him to grinding in the prison. But the hair on his head began to grow again after it had been shaved.
- Judges 16:1-22, NIV

I want you to notice two things in the passage above; the first in bold, the second italicized. These are the keys to this post. You must read them in context for them to mean anything.

Samson was known for being the strongest man who ever lived. Notice, though, that even he was weak when subject to his wife's nagging. But I already digress...
Samson was the last of the judges of Israel. With God working in Samson's life, through his hands and feet, God showed the Philistines who was boss. Problem was, God's tool (Samson) was a tool. He did not know who was boss. His pride, jealousy and lust consumed him and turned him from the man God wanted him to be. Samson was literally sleeping with the enemy (he married two Philistine women). And one of those women proved to be his downfall.

I amaze myself sometimes. Last Friday, I had a mountaintop experience which I had to post. And Saturday I fell off the cliff on the backside of that mountain into the pit again. It got so bad that on Sunday my wife asked me about commitments to the Lord. I told her that I didn't believe God was going to help us the way He said He would. Man, I'd just heard Him tell me that all was going to work fine, then I turn around and call Him a liar. How low can I get?

Monday, I felt like a man who'd just called God a liar. I felt like something a little lower than snail tracks. But it doesn't stop there! Oh, no! Then I start getting all mixed up with gossip at work, and greed tried to grab hold. Not to mention the visual temptations that are always around in every day life!

But he did not know that the LORD had left him.

Tuesday night and Wednesday came the final test, however. My daughter was up all night sick with a stomach virus. My wife stayed up with her, but whenever the sheets got messed up, I helped fix them. I called in sick at work because of it. But it drove a point home to me. People are created to be disgusting. Nothing smells quite so bad as vomit (a point to which my friend Sean Palmer can attest). If you ever get the feeling that you are a god, go sit in a public restroom for a little while. Either yourself or someone else will definitely illustrate that you are not.

But I digress - again.

What's this got to do with Samson? This afternoon I definitely had the feeling that God had left me and I didn't even know it. I mean, there I was - on top of the mountain with Him - and my mortal enemy sneaks up and pushes me over the edge. Still, rather than go to bed tonight feeling like a waste of God's time, I went to church. I went with remorse in my heart and looking for a change in my mind. I was not disappointed.

The lesson tonight was from Colossians. As I typically do, though, when a preacher asks us to open our bibles to Colossians 1, I tend to start reading then miss most of what he says. It's a good thing I did, though.

Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory.
Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry. Because of these, the wrath of God is coming. You used to walk in these ways, in the life you once lived. But now you must rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips. Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator. Here there is no Greek or Jew, circumcised or uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave or free, but Christ is all, and is in all.
- Colossians 3:1-11, NIV

Or, as the Message relays verse 1: So if you're serious about living this new resurrection life with Christ, act like it. See, I haven't been acting like I was serious about it. Yeah, every now and again I allow the Spirit to rule in my life. But for the most part I just live for me.

Now back to Samson. you'll notice that after he was put to work in the grist mill, blind and shackled, something happened. I italicized it when I copied it here. His hair started to grow back. This must be important - it's an obvious thing that's mentioned in the bible. All Americans, men and women alike, know that hair will grow back after it's been shaved. Whether it's your scalp, face, legs or armpits, hair will grow back. It's something everyone knows. Yet the writer of the book of Judges wanted us to know about it.

Samson's hair returning was symbolic of God returning to Samson. A little bit at first, then more and more. Finally, one day, when he was paraded in like a bear in a circus, he prayed asking God to bring back his strength one more time. His final act was another of God's judgments on the Philistines. And he couldn't have done it if God was not with him.

No matter what we've done when we feel that God has left us, He still wants to come back. Where are you right now? Do you feel like God has left you? Remember that even when you shave God off from you, He will still come back. There's no escaping Him. All I need to do now is the hard part. Give it all to Him and stop trying to fight him. Won't you join me?

Prayer

Almighty heavenly father, through whose hands all was created and through whose love life was brought to bear. We praise your holy and magnificent Name. Thank you so much for all you've done for us and in us and through us. Thank you for the roofs over our heads. Thank you for the food in our bellies. Thank you for the jobs you've provided that we can continue to eat and be sheltered. Without you, none of this would be possible.

Father, tonight we come before you confessing that we are unwilling to turn over our own individuality, our identity, our being - the being you gave to us in the first place - in order that your name may be praised. It should be such a simple matter, "God, take over my life." Yet, when we try it, our pride and ego gets in the way.

Help us to rise over our pride. Help us to rise up that we may submit to you. Help us to be lofty by humbling ourselves. Remind us that you will never leave us, but that we need to work to stay near you.

And, most of all, turn up the volume when you're trying to steer us from temptation!

In Jesus' holy name we pray,
Amen.

I've Been Talkin' With the Lord

2008-01-18T17:48:00.000-06:00

Have you ever seen this bumper sticker? Usually seen on a redneck's truck, this sticker tells you exactly what the driver wants you to do. Well, after a recent revelatory experience, I believe God is telling me that exact same thing. (Is God fixin' to say, "Hey - watch this!"?)

Those of you who've followed my experiences closely know what I've been through. And it seems to be staying about the same. Through it all one thing keeps popping up: It ain't gonna get better unless I stop trying to do it myself. (But how do you define better? That's another topic for another day!)

So this morning I was striving to actually initiate a conversation with God. See, like most people I get close to Him then I drift away. Lately I've been away. I tried to fast yesterday to get closer, but broke down around 10:00 last night and pigged out with a three-course meal plus dessert (which was two toasted waffles with yogurt). Last night, I prayed alone and with my wife. This morning, I woke up with a prayer but something told me to keep trying. Suddenly it seemed as if God was replying.

As I asked what He wants me to do, thoughts were popping into my head. The peace that accompanied those thoughts was so complete that I could only believe that it was God, Himself, speaking to me. As I asked what He wants me to do, his reply was simply to trust Him completely. I thought I was doing that. Well, not exactly. See, my idea of what I want and His are apparently not the same thing. My goal is to be financially independent so I can devote full-time to volunteering in the prisons. He said I was already advancing the gospel at work and in my community. My wife is so concerned about our finances that she's ready to quit homeschooling and get a job. He said that He wants her to continue homeschooling, as that is her major part in advancing the gospel. I said, "She'll never believe me!" He said, "Yes, she will."

So, I told my wife that I'd been talking with God. She believed me. With tears in our eyes, from the joy that He has finally responded, we discussed this revelatory experience. We accepted the decision He has made to continue providing for us. We accepted that all we have is truly from Him anyway, so why should we worry about what we don't need.

Don't get me wrong - I'd really like to be wealthy enough to eat out on occasion. I'd really like to be able to quit spending all day at work and volunteer in the prisons full-time. I'd really like to be able to take my kids skiing in Vail and snorkeling in Cancun. And, one day it may happen.

I've rarely felt so at peace with my situation as I am right now.

Prayer:

Almighty Heavenly Father, we thank you for all you have done in our lives. We thank you for the little things, like shade trees and grass in the summer. We thank you for the big things like shelter from the storm and food in our bellies. And we thank you for the irreplaceable things like our family and friends. Most of all, though, we thank you for the gift of Christ who died that we may live.

Father, as we enter into a new season of trust, we ask only that you continue to provide for us. As we were taught to pray, give us today our daily bread. For without you, we have no provisions at all.

Thank you. In Christ's name we pray,
Amen.

Saturday Morning

2008-01-12T08:13:00.000-06:00

Here it is, Saturday Morning and I'm getting ready for work. My lovely wife is still in bed; my wonderful kids are watching The Emperor's New School on TV and I'm getting coffee ready for us. While it brews, I sat down at my computer.

Why am I writing? I'm not exactly sure. But I know I can tell you that the Peace of God is on this house right now. There is no strife. There is no anger. There is no yelling. There is only love and peace as the day begins. One hour may make all the difference in the world as everyone wakes up, but until then there is only peace.

How did the Peace of God fall on our house? We kept asking for it. And, as Jesus said, "Ask and you will receive." Or, more to the point, He told a parable about the Persistent Widow (Luke 18:1-8, NIV):

Then Jesus told his disciples a parable to show them that they should always pray and not give up. He said: "In a certain town there was a judge who neither feared God nor cared about men. And there was a widow in that town who kept coming to him with the plea, 'Grant me justice against my adversary.'
"For some time he refused. But finally he said to himself, 'Even though I don't fear God or care about men, yet because this widow keeps bothering me, I will see that she gets justice, so that she won't eventually wear me out with her coming!' "
And the Lord said, "Listen to what the unjust judge says. And will not God bring about justice for his chosen ones, who cry out to him day and night? Will he keep putting them off? I tell you, he will see that they get justice, and quickly. However, when the Son of Man comes, will he find faith on the earth?"

So, this short post is simply about persistence. Don't give up. Keep praying. Keep talking with your Father in Heaven.

Providence - It's more than a city in Rhode Island

2008-01-07T22:43:00.000-06:00

I'm becoming a firm believer in the Providence of God. Until recently, I've been like the guy with the sick kid who said to Jesus, “I believe! Help my unbelief!” See, I believe that all things are possible with God. But I still react with awe when I see it happen.

For example: As I mentioned before, I had poisoned the well (as a good friend of mine put it) in my relationship with my wife. And, until that poison was purged, nothing good would happen. After my confession I have seen some amazing things happen at my house and at my work.

In October, I sold 2 cars. In November, 2½. By Christmas, I'd only sold one car in December. After Christmas, though, I sold 3, and so far in January, I've sold 2½.

What's the difference? Faith. Pure and simple - faith. I told God I wasn't going to try and do it on my own. I told Him that every time I tried to do it on my own I failed miserably. From this point on, it's up to Him whether I succeed or fail. And, He's seeing to it that I succeed.

I'm not becoming a rich man, but I am reaping the rewards of faith. Last month, I was second from the bottom of the Sales Consultants. So far this month, I'm fifth from the top! I'm not bragging on myself. I'm really not doing anything different on the sales floor. No, this is all God's work. The big difference is, I've made it His work.

I'm going to cut this short, and wrap it up. I'm tired and I have to be at work early. But, I wanted to pass this along.

See ya!

Forgiving oneself: the hardest one to forgive

2008-01-06T17:36:00.000-06:00

I have committed a wrong against my wife. I kept a secret from her for several years. When it came to light, I lied about it. The secret was financial - not anything really newsworthy.

The pain we both experienced as a result of this sin, however, is newsworthy.

A man I once respected told me that the secret to a good marriage was sincerity. “Once you can fake that, you've got it made!”. Well, I tried it. It worked until about a month ago, when I finally confessed my sin and tried to figure out how to make things right.

The reaction I received to my confession was worse than I could have imagined. I had hurt her. I had hurt her bad. And it didn't look like our marriage would survive.

Time went on, though, and she did forgive me. She was still angry, but she did forgive me. That was a huge weight to be lifted. Our marriage would survive, and my children would still live in a two-parent household.

But the hardest forgiveness to receive wasn't from her, or even (if you read Romans 8) from our Heavenly Father. The hardest forgiveness to receive was from myself. I was - and am still to a degree - unable to forgive myself for the pain I had inflicted upon my dear wife. Last night, I confessed my love to her in words I had never used before. Last night, after she let me know that she would likely never be able to trust me again, I explained that the very act that took away her ability to trust me was the same act that meant I would never do anything to destroy that trust again. In other words, she would not be able to trust me because I had broken that trust. The knowledge of the pain I had caused would prevent me from ever breaking that trust again.

My wife had forgiven me. My God had forgiven me. But I could still not forgive myself.

The last week of the year, our church always holds a prayer service to purge the wrongs of the previous year and ask for blessings on the coming year. During the time of confession, I found myself sobbing uncontrollably. Several pairs of hands were place on my shoulders then removed. The last pair of hands were the giant, gentle hands of our preaching minister. I got up and prayed with him, asking him how I could forgive myself for what I had done. He said, as so many had throughout history, that the person hardest to forgive is ourself. Through steady prayer and asking God to help me move on, I have arrived at a place where I can face the future. But I'm still holding some of the burden from my sin.

Gentle readers (the two or three that may be remaining), I ask you - how do you forgive yourself when you have wronged someone dear to you? Some of the scriptures I've been reading: Psalm 51, Romans 8, 2 Corinthians 2 and 1 John.

I'm still working on it. My appetite has returned, and I'm finally beginning to do well at my new job. But I still cry when I sing or read about forgiveness, or when I hear about someone in a similar situation.

Has it really been five months?

2007-11-03T17:05:00.000-06:00

Oh, wow. I've been sadly absent from the blog-o-sphere. Well, here's the scoop, for those of you who've been holding your breath for me to get a job. I got one. It was a contract programming position that lasted me three months. Do the math, that job ended before Labor Day.

Through September and half of October, I was without work. Bummer. I finally landed a job, though. Where, you may ask, has this intrepid jack-of-all-computer-trades started working? Is he programming for an international oil company? Is he repairing computers for one of the world's largest children's hospitals? Is he preparing to support IT for the ISS at NASA? (yeah - lots of acronyms for government work!)

No. I'm not doing any of that. Now I'm selling cars for a local Nissan dealer.

I know - you're asking yourself, how can one be a Car Salesperson and a Christian? It's no harder than being an attorney and a Christian. You simply remember in whose name you are working and go from there. Though the industry is fraught with deception and laziness, I am working for a dealer who takes pride in customer loyalty over number of units sold. It's a place I can work and still sleep at night. It's the perfect change for me.

Pray for me, though. Pray that I won't be sucked into the greed that permeates this industry. Pray that I can return with more regularity to the blog-o-sphere. Pray that I can find a way to keep this job, and still do the volunteer activities that I have come to love.

Thanks, also, for your prayers that I can land a job.

Blessed Be Your Name

2007-06-04T06:47:00.000-05:00

I must admit. When I titled my last post, I was consciously borrowing from a song by Tree63 entitled "Blessed Be Your Name". But when I typed it, I goofed. So I went back and fixed it this morning. I also got the idea that I could post a series of entries based upon that song. One for each line. Well, I won't go too far with it, but I think there's a great deal of meat to it that needs to be eaten by all of us.

Blessed be your Name
In the land that is plentiful
Where the streams of abundance flow
Blessed be your Name

Blessed be your Name
When I'm found in the desert place
Though I walk through the wilderness
Blessed be your Name

Every blessing you pour out,
I turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say...
Blessed be the Name of the Lord
Blessed be your Name
Blessed be the Name of the Lord
Blessed be your glorious Name

Blessed be your Name
When the sun's shining down on me
When the world's all as it should be
Blessed be your Name

Blessed be your Name
On the road marked with suffering
Though there's pain in the offering
Blessed be your Name

Every blessing you pour out,
I turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say...
Blessed be the Name of the Lord
Blessed be your Name
Blessed be the Name of the Lord
Blessed be your glorious Name

You give and take away
You give and take away
My heart will choose to say
Lord, Blessed be your Name

My church, a renegade Church of Christ (that still sings a capella 'cuz we like it that way!) sings this song a capella and it sounds as good - if not better - than the version on the radio. Something about hearing an entire congregation singing just... but I digress.

My 8-year-old daughter and I have discussed this at length. She is now keenly aware that the title words to this song come from the book of Job; that Job uttered these words when he lost everything he had except his lovely bride:

He said,
"Naked I came from my mother's womb,
And naked I shall return there
The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away.
Blessed be the name of the LORD."

(Job 1:21, New American Standard Version)

Can I say, "Blessed be Your Name" every time something happens to me whether good or bad? For those of you that have followed the soap opera of my life, I have finally landed a job. I start Tuesday, June 5 in a programming position. It's an awesome opportunity - a step up from the work I did five years ago, and a way to erase the last five years of not working in computers. Still, I have to remember who made it all possible. Without the Lord standing behind me, I would not have become employed.

Yesterday, while discussing the "Desert Place" with a gentleman at my church, I described how the Lord had to take me down a peg or two so I could learn a lesson. He removed everything on which I relied - my job, my education and experience (with a college degree and over 20 years experience I still could not get a job), even my health (complications from psychiatric medications and asthma). I had nothing left, save my family, and had to learn that He will hold me up. So now, I freely admit that I am not standing on my own two feet. I am in His hands. I bless the Name of Him who holds me up.

When I'm Found in the Desert Place...

2007-05-31T22:40:00.000-05:00

Have you ever been there? That place where it seems God is not with you? I have been going through there recently. It is not a pretty place.

I have come to the conclusion that the Desert Place is where God sends His Green Berets for survival training. During my time in the desert, I was struggling to figure out why I was there. I thought I'd been doing pretty well in my prayer life and reading the Word. I thought I'd been doing pretty well in reflecting God's Light. But I was still lost and lonely without Him. Thus my conclusion. And, shortly after arriving at that conclusion, I find this NASA Image of the Day:

This is the Original Mercury Seven returning from Desert Survival Training. No, they're not pretty. The third from the left is, perhaps, the most famous - John Glenn.

So, here I am in the desert place. No, I haven't come out of it, I'm still here. But I have to go on about my daily life. And that includes Thursday nights with Doug at the prison. I cherish these moments with Doug - I'm there to lift him up, and always leave feeling lifted up myself. Anyway, Doug asked me about this very subject. It seems he's here as well.

We started looking up passages in scripture relating to times it feels that God is not with us. Several of the Psalms, written by a man after God's own heart include phrases about God not answering when I call. Job, described by God Himself as a blameless and upright man who shuns evil asked why God has ignored his pleas. And one passage in particular from Daniel - Daniel has fasted and prayed for three weeks seeking an answer from God. The angel tells him that he was trying to come, but the prince of Persia was detaining him and he had to get a higher-ranking angel (Michael) to help him get through.

Then I asked Doug, "Have you ever spent any time in an actual desert?" He had not. I, however, lived for two years in the Nevada desert, an hour's drive from the nearest grocery store. It was a place with little shade for the trees were few. The heat was oppressive and unbearable in the summertime. The environment was stark and barren with only sticks poking up from the desert floor. If you wanted water, there was none to be had - even an hour after a rainfall the puddles were dried up.

But even in the midst of the desert, there is amazing beauty. You can go up the mountains and find trees, water and shade. The nights are cool, and wonderful for sleeping. And springtime in the desert is an amazing time when all those dried up sticks bloom with incredible color. And don't forget that there's no humidity like there is in Houston all year long...

I told him, "If you're in the Desert Place, find a place of beauty. It's there. And that's where God is."

Then I had to fess up - I didn't come up with that line. I believe the Holy Spirit put that one on my heart. Both because Doug needed to hear it, and I did too.

Dare I Say?

2007-05-01T02:41:00.000-05:00

Sex Offenders. Just the words are enough to strike fear into the hearts of parents across the nation. And, I'm no different than any other parent. With two daughters, I want them to be protected from the sick, twisted minds that prey upon others.

But, at the same time, I feel torn between this rabid desire to protect my family and a mission field to which I've been called: Prison.

As I work in the prisons, I have met sex offenders. Their stories are hard to believe until you look it up in court records. A common case involves the 18-year-old with a 16-year-old girlfriend. She gets pregnant and her father has him incarcerated for child molestation. In many ways, the father is right. But had this happened one year earlier (a 17- and 15-year-old), there would have been no legal case. Now, the boyfriend is a registered sex offender.

Society has recently begun clamping down on sex offenders; in many cases this clampdown is proper. Too many adults are harming young children. When I hear about the 40-year-old who has molested a 6-year-old, I burn with rage. But this is actually a small percentage of sex offenders.

Recently, my local homeowner's association has announced that they are trying to take steps to keep sex offenders from residing in our neighborhood. How do I stand on this?

If I were to agree with the HOA, I would be guilty of not giving people a fair shake. The very people I have begun to speak up for are the people I would be hurting.

I find it hard to stand up for them, however, because I am just as afraid as the next parent that something horrible will happen to my daughters.

It would be easy to side with society, saying that it is in the interest of public safety. It would be easy to face my neighbors with the knowledge that I have done what they believe to be right.

But could I face the men I work with three times every week knowing that I have chosen an easy road simply because it was easy or because I was afraid? Would I be able to fulfill my calling in the prisons? Would I be right in doing so?

I believe that we are all called to answer to a higher Authority - an Authority that loves all people unconditionally, regardless of their past history. To do otherwise is to tell the Supreme Authority that we are not worthy of His grace and mercy.

Should the halfway house remain in my neighborhood? I'm praying about that. I'm praying that I will be guided by the Lord to remain true to His Word. I'm praying that I will remain true to His calling in my life - to stand up for those who have served their time and want to make a new start on their lives in His mercy and grace just as I have.

What would make someone do that?

2007-04-18T23:25:00.000-05:00

The nation watched in horror as the body count from Monday's massacre at Virginia Tech climbed, making it the deadliest in the nation's history. 33 people dead from a single gunman's violent rage. The nation, including your humble author, mourns the losses and prays for the families of those injured and killed.

And one question continues to reverberate. "What would make someone do that?" From the little I've read on the subject, and being intimately familiar with rage as I am, I can break down a possible scenario of what happened in his head.

First, understand that a person with a rage disorder cannot see it coming. There is absolutely no warning that the sufferer is about to flip out. So, throughout his college career, perhaps he's seen the "rich kids" with the girls and hot cars. Perhaps he has learned a little bit about Jesus Christ. Perhaps he has been picked on all his life. Perhaps he believes that the world is truly out to get him. He gets psychiatric help, only to be released. Now he knows that the world thinks he is crazy.

Mix into this scenario, the fact that he's spurned for taking pictures of women in class. Toss in a little bit of rejection and voilá - you've got a recipe for a depressed, suicidal maniac with a bent for revenge. I do not use the term maniac loosely. I know what it is like to be manic and raging. I suggest Cho was in this position on Monday morning.

Having prepared himself with weapons a month before, he set out to perform a task many of us consider unthinkable. He set out to eliminate those he believe have been persecuting him.

Knowing that he has nothing to lose, he plans on taking himself out at the end.

His rage was not against anyone in particular. The entire campus represented the perceived evil in his mind. He was no longer capable of rational thought. He believed his martyrdom to be equivalent to that of Jesus Christ.

The shooter on Monday morning was a victim of his own physiology. Something was not wired right in his brain. Could anything have been done to prevent this? Not likely. Maybe if the psychiatric community had seen something that he was perfectly capable of hiding quite well. Maybe not.

Tonight, I pray for those involved in the tragedy at Virginia Tech. I pray for those injured. I pray for the families of those who died.

But I also pray for those who, like so many before Cho, are suffering silently from an undiagnosed emotional disorder. I pray for those who do not know that their emotions lie to them. I pray for those who experience a paranoid reaction to anyone in their presence. I pray for the people who don't stand a chance because something in their head doesn't work right.

I cannot support what happened at Virginia Tech anymore than I can support the things I have done when I experienced blinding rage. I can only thank God that i experienced His Healing Power before my rage became something bigger.

Pluggin' a blog

2007-04-18T16:11:00.000-05:00

Perry Noble is the pastor at Newspring Church in Anderson, SC. Yeah, I never heard of the town, either. But he is a good ol' Southern boy who found God and dedicated his life to Him. I mean, Perry threw everything he had into being a man of God. Perry is an amazing speaker. At the suggestion of my friend Adam, I started listening to Perry's podcasts. Mind you, these are sermons that average 45 minutes. Most are longer. (I guess they average longer than 45 minutes then, right?)

Listening to Perry Noble's sermons, and after a brief e-mail exchange with his staff, I have decided to go ahead and make myself available for speaking engagements via Clay Harryman Ministries. No, I'm not ordained. Neither was Perry. I'm not a graduate of a divinity school. Neither was Perry. But Perry's on fire for God, and I am too. Perry's ministry has grown into a church of over 3,000 members. I'm not even dreaming of a congregation of that size, but I am dreaming that I may one day pastor a church.

I just wanted to take a minute to plug Perry Noble, and his blog. His podcasts are amazing. I highly recommend those of you who have the capability of receiving podcasts sign up for his. This is a man on fire for God. This is a man who truly knows what it means to be a child of God.

To Fix the World, I Must Start with Me

2007-04-18T07:06:00.000-05:00

"All repentance and renewal must begin with me... Looking upon the evil-doing of others does not help me, and it helps me just as little to marvel at the righteousness of others." - MEDITATING ON THE WORD by Dietrich Bonhoeffer

When I read those words, I thought about recent posts. Can it be that I want, so much, to fix the world, I lose sight of my own shortcomings?

I am not, by any stretch, perfect. I've made mistakes in the past, and I will continue to make mistakes until the day I die. I'm human. But do I demonstrate that humanity when I talk about Christ? Do I show others that I am human or do I show others that I am better than they?

I am working to be like Christ. Humble with lofty goals. He could attain those goals through His humility, because He is God. I can attain those goals through my humility and His work in my life. But the key word is humility.

It is my prayer that I can reach others in His name, in a manner that they do not find offensive, and demonstrate His love to those who don't know Him. I pray that I can find a way to become their friend, just as Christ did, and bring them to Him. I pray that I can do His work, without becoming offended at the lifestyle of those I've been sent to minister.

Yeah, this is a short post. Had some thoughts to get off my mind...

Another guy's story

2007-04-13T07:15:00.000-05:00

Putting it all in Perspective - Part II

Click Here for Part I

Prisoners tell some wonderful stories. And the stories of their lives can make one feel like they've just got it so good. Tonight was no exception.

One guy told how he grew up trying to find his parents. He was on his own from a very young age, and the only family he found was a gang. His story was heart-wrenching; so much that most of us (10 male inmates, a lady volunteer and me) were crying. When he was done, I looked at the room and said, "Last night, I was complaining because I had to make my resumé look better. Suddenly, that doesn't seem like a very daunting task."

What is it that makes us believe we are due something in this world? "I am a Christian, so God's gonna make sure I have a great job with a 62-inch TV and a Lincoln Navigator." What makes it worse is when I see how the rest of the world lives, then I complain 'cuz I only had three pieces of chicken at dinner time. It gets even worse when I hear an inmate tell me he's better off in prison, 'cuz if he gets out someone will most likely kill him.

How did it come to that? How is it that I can complain about having to tell the world how great I am when I know people who don't have enough food to eat or are scared to even walk around in broad daylight? Someone help me with this.

I should be on my knees thanking God Almighty that I have bread to eat - let alone meat - for three meals every day. I should be thanking God Almighty that I can sleep at night without having to worry about someone killing me because of a tattoo I got 20 years ago. I should be thanking God Almighty that I have the skills and knowledge that are useful to somebody so they will give me a job. Instead, I gripe and complain about the task of detailing those skills.

Prayer:

Almighty Heavenly Father, You have created this world to sustain us. You have directed our path to bring us to today.
And still, we forget our place. Without You, we would have absolutely nothing. Without You, there would be no food. Without You, there would be no us.
Please forgive us in our sin of omission. Please forgive us when we forget how good we have it. Help us to remember that we are here for one purpose - and that is to praise and glorify You.
Thank you, Father, for all the gifts - physical and spiritual - that You have given us.
In Christ's name we pray,
Amen.

Putting it all in perspective

2007-04-11T23:35:00.000-05:00

Ever heard about how your pain can not compare with someone else's? Ever heard that no matter how bad you've got it, someone else has it worse? Ever stop to consider that's true?

Last night, after struggling over my resumé in an attempt to market myself to someone who may want to hire me. I've been working on computers for over 25 years. I've seen computers grow from gigantic boxes that can do little more than add and subtract to tiny hand-held devices that can perform advanced calculus. (I said "grow". The size has shrunk and the power has grown!)

With all my experience, I should be a shoo-in to be hired on at least as a field-support technician, right? Well, I didn't major in marketing in college. I majored in computers. I love to write. But following the restrictive resumé formats I've seen, I have trouble condensing my experience into two pages. How do you put 25 years into two pages?

So, I lamented to my wife about how unfair all this is. I used a few choice words to voice my feelings about having to jump through all these hoops so I can tell somebody who has no idea what a CPU looks like that I understand how they work. I went to bed angry and depressed because the situation was so WRONG.

Tune in tomorrow to find out how it was all put into perspective for me.

Discriminating against us

2007-04-10T18:00:00.000-05:00

Hypocrisy Revealed - final installment

Over the last few days, I've discussed the animosity the world feels toward Christians. While I believe much of this is brought on by ourselves, I completely forgot about the words of Christ: "All men will hate you because of me." (Matthew 10:22, Matthew 24:9, Mark 13:13, Luke 21:17) It was foreseen that, even if we are not hypocrites, the world will hate us.

Why, then, do we need to give them more ammunition to use against us? We fight amongst ourselves, splitting into opposing factions like Orthodox, Catholic and Protestant. We then split those factions into factions like Methodist, Baptist and Lutheran. And some of those factions are so prideful they dare to make a claim that they are the only ones 'doing it right'. Believe me. Satan doesn't need to work too hard among the non-believers. He only needs to work in the believers to splinter us - to show the world that Christians don't only hate the world, they hate each other.

Can we eliminate the discrimination among us? Is it possible for us to be completely accepted by the world? No. Christ said it was not possible. Can we, though, eliminate the non-Christlike qualities in the Church to remove a reason for the world to hate us? Yes, we can. In fact, I believe it is more necessary to address the disease rather than the symptoms.

Take the plank out of the church's eye. The problem isn't out there, it's in here. Show the world that it's possible for us to get along. Then show the world that we truly love them - even if they don't love us. It is only at that point we will no longer be shooting ourselves in the foot. It is only at that point the world will hate us for their own reasons, not ours.

Hate - in the Name of Love

2007-04-08T11:57:00.000-05:00

Part 3 of "Hypocricy Revealed"

In June, 2006, I wrote a blog entry titled, "Hate in the Name of Love". This post is a re-hash of that post. Am I plagiarizing myself? Is that even possible?

Christians have long believed that their way is the only way. Well, it's true. Christ, Himself, said it was true.

"I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. If you really knew me, you would know[b] my Father as well. From now on, you do know him and have seen him."

- John 14:6-7, NIV
We are an exclusive, invitation-only group of believers. And this really makes us look bad among non-believers.

Problem is, we don't invite others properly. I heard the story about a prisoner who became a Christian. He was so enthusiastic about his new-found faith that he went out telling others they needed to become Christians as well. He used such persuasive methods as crescent wrenches and wire brushes - until he was told by other believers (after his release from solitary confinement) that this was not the acceptable procedure for conversion.

While we may not use beatings, those outside the flock see it the same way. In high school, I knew a lot of bible-thumpers. These were the people who waved their bible over their heads while threatening me with eternity in hell if I didn't turn from my evil ways. While speaking they would thump their bible into their free hand. No, they didn't hit me with it, but it sure felt like they were. And I didn't cotton to being beaten with a sword, so rather than bring me aboard, they turned me away at the door.

Neither do others like being beaten with the bible. When we refuse to see the plank in our eye, we forget that we were "loved" into Christ. We begin to think of ourselves as "saints" and the rest of the world as "sinners". What did Paul say to the church at Rome? "All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God". Excuse me. I think I'm part of the aforementioned "all".

So, some Christians are forgetting their place in the world and reaching out to the lost with pride - not humility - in their hearts. The end result is, the world thinks all Christians think they're better than the lost. And the world, in their pride, retaliate by lumping Christians into a pile with the Taliban and Klan.

Final installment tomorrow!

Just let me...

2007-04-07T21:01:00.000-05:00

A family friend passed away last night. My phone rang at 2:53 am with a tearful granddaughter asking me to please come to the hospital. I told her I was on my way.

But this resolute answer, and the decision to immediately go, was steeped in years of, "OK, I'll be there. Let me just..." This answer plagued me when my friend went into the hospital for the last time two months ago.

"Let me just..." (fill in the blank). Maybe i'm being asked to do something I know is right and proper (visit a friend in the hospital) but I just don't want to do ti. I'll be frank with you - I hate hospitals. It's the one thing that I fear should I ever become a paid pastor. "I have to go in there?" Prison doesn't bother me. (I'm writing this in a prison chaplain's office between visits.) But hospitals give me the creeps. When asked to go to a hospital and visit, I'll say, "OK, I'll go. Let me just..."

What was the only time Christ delayed? When He was summoned to visit (and, perhaps, heal) his dying friend Lazarus, He delayed. But He had a motive and didn't provide an excuse, "Let me just turn this water into wine." or "Let me just chastise these Pharisees." No, he said, "I am delaying so you may see the full Glory of God. (Clay's Paraphrase) I can't use that line, no matter how good it sounds.

So, am I justified in delaying? What if it's just dropping by to say "hi" to a friend with few visitors? "You know I love you, don't you?" (hey - that sounds just like Peter...) My aforementioned friend had asked me to come over and help him write his life story. I delayed. I said, "I will. But today's not a good day. Let me just..." Now the opportunity is gone forever. In fact, the opportunity has been gone for weeks due to a tracheotomy. My delay cost my friend his dream. And it's all because I didn't make the time to do something that I actually thought would be quite interesting.

I can't say that I will no longer ignore another's requests. But the twinge of pain I feel may be the push I need to say, "Not now, but perhaps tomorrow? Around noon? Let's go get coffee and talk."

Good Friday Thoughts

2007-04-06T10:01:00.000-05:00

No, these are not good thoughts about Friday - though some may be in order. These are thoughts about today, Good Friday.

Why is it Good? I've pondered over this for many years since I first began to understand the implications of the crucifixion. I remember distinctly asking my mother, "Why do they call it Good Friday? It wasn't good for Jesus; it wasn't good for the disciples. Was it good for the people who crucified Him?"

I could get all penal-substitutionary on you and tell you how it was good for you that He died on the cross for your sins. But that's not really what it's all about. There's so much more to the Gospel than just avoiding Hell.

So, what's Good about today? Watch this video and come back.

See, it's only Friday. Sunday's comin'.

And Sunday's comin' for all of us. Sunday's the day it will all be His. Sunday's going to be here before you know it. All the passion of the cross, all the tears on the Via de la Rosa, all the fear of the disciples hiding in a locked room - it's all going to mean something on Sunday.

What's so good about Friday? The same thing that is good about a cliffhanger movie where the bad guy wins. You know the good guy is comin' back for his final shot. And it's not three years down the road, it's only three days.

What's so good about Friday? Well, I looked it up. It's not. In the Old English, it was called "Gode Friday" which was Old English for "God's Friday". Typical English - they corrupted a word they no longer used into a word they understood. They took the word "Gode" and turned it into a word that sounded like it. Now we have "Good Friday". (Source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Good_Friday

Thanks for listening. :)

Penal Substitutionary Atonement - the idea that Christ died for your sins in order to appease either an angry God or a very demanding Satan. For more details, click here.

Editor's note...

2007-04-05T12:46:00.000-05:00

A regular reader has told me that my lengthy posts are hard to read. And, I must say that I agree with him. But, my verbosity is hard to tame. So, he suggested that I break my posts up into parts. This will actually accomplish two goals:

My posts will be shorter (and easier to read)
I will be able to post more days

Is that a legitimate reason for more posts?

Let me know what you think of this format. Would you rather read a book-length post in one day, or read several posts over several days?

Purges - Then and Now

2007-04-05T11:26:00.000-05:00

Part 2 of "Hypocrisy Revealed"

After a good breakfast consisting of a pot of coffee and a bowl of HoneyComb cereal in strawberry yogurt, I'm ready to go! (if that ain't enough to get someone goin', I don't know what is!)

Yesterday, I listed a few of the acts of hate committed by various religious groups, including Christians, Muslims and Jews. I detailed the purge of Canaan under Joshua from the Old Testament book by the same name. This purge was commanded by God, according to scripture. But why was it commanded?

Purging the evil from Canaan was necessary, according to the Word, because the Canaanites would corrupt God's People from His way. (Since the Israelites did not completely follow through with God's edict and made treaties with some of the Canaanites, we know this to be true.) But wasn't there another way?

I have struggled with this for many years. I believe civilization, as a whole, is like a person growing up. In the beginning, civilization was immature. Young children are treated in a certain way. I know from experience that you cannot explain something to a three-year-old logically. They simply cannot comprehend it.

As civilization matured, the way God handled disobedience matured along with it. From corporal punishment, He moved on to something more meaningful to an older society - restriction (exile). When His people disobeyed, they were "grounded" for 70 years in Assyria and Babylon.

Now that civilization is fully matured, He uses logic (Logos, or His Word) to get our attention. In His inerrable conclusion, civilization, or society is now an adult and can be handled as an adult. "If you're going to live under my roof, you will obey my rules."

As of the time of Christ, purges were no longer the work of God, but the work of Satan. In fact, after Acts 10 (the conversion of the gentile Cornelius), the title of "God's Chosen People" was no longer restricted to the people of Israel. Therefore, hating gentiles simply because they were gentiles was no longer acceptable before God. In God's eyes, Christ and His followers were the new "God's Chosen People", and those who were left behind were not.

I believe that, in God's eyes, purges were acceptable at one point, but He believes them to no longer be acceptable. In the same way that a young child responds to a properly-delivered spanking as punishment - not retribution, a young civilization responds to purges. In the same way a teenager responds to restriction, an adolescent civilization responds to exile. In the same way a young adult responds to logical arguments, so does an adult civilization.

I hope this explains why purges are no longer necessary (and haven't been for at least 2,500 years), or desired in God's eyes. For more about this subject, tune in Monday.

Yes, another "Hypocrisy Revealed!" post...

2007-04-05T10:34:00.000-05:00

Jesus & Mo cartoon, author unknown

Oh, this is classic. I laughed at this 'cuz it's true. Christians and Muslims are discriminated against. But (and I'll likely get a lot of hate-mail on this one) we brought it on ourselves. Now, I'm not saying that each of us has done things to entice non-believers to hate us, but the vocal part of the group - the part the rest of the world sees - has.

Here are a few examples:

Fred Phelps - "God Hates Fags!"
The Ku Klux Klan - according to their website, they are "Bringing a Message of Hope and Deliverance to White Christian America! A Message of Love NOT Hate!"
The Taliban - ruled Afghanistan with an iron fist, brutally oppressing women and Shia muslims
Various Catholic and Protestant purges
Al Qaeda
The Crusades - purging Islamic occupation of the Jewish, Christian and Muslim Holy Land.

Throughout history, religious figures have used hate to remove opposition to their message. This was true in ancient times, and is true today. In the Torah (Christian Old Testament books of Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers and Deuteronomy), God commanded Israel to "purge the evil" from Canaan. These books, and the book of Joshua, detail this purge. Jericho, Ai, the five Amorite kings (the sun stood still and hail fell on the enemies!), Makkedeh, Libnah, Lachish, Eglon, Horeb... The Israelites removed the Canaanites from the land under order from God.

This was ordered by God, and is a concept with which modern-day believers have a problem. How could a "loving God" order the destruction of an entire nation? How could a "loving God" order genocide? Does that mean we are to continue that practice today?

Read part two tomorrow!

V for Vendetta

2007-04-02T09:52:00.000-05:00

This weekend, I watched my new favorite movie. Well, it hasn't replaced Star Wars Episode III, but it has joined it at the top (along with Pink Floyd's The Wall and others - I'm not a discriminating person! :). Like most of my favorite movies, they are not really suitable for viewing by youngsters (Star Wars being the exception). They are all full of deeper philosophy and meaning than what appears on the surface. V for Vendetta is no exception.

The thing that struck me about it, however, is different from all the reviews I've read this weekend. I was struck by their portrayal of Christians. Is that really what the rest of the world thinks about us? Is that really what we want them to think about us?

In the movie, England is run by a radical Christian theocracy, in all reality no different from the Ayatollah or Taliban. The "Voice of London" says at the beginning how he hates the "muslims, hawma-sexuals, terrorists... I'm a God-fearing Englishman and I'm [g-d] proud of it!"

To many, he is the image of Christianity. He is what they've seen of us. And they want nothing to do with us because of it.

At first, I was a little offended at what I saw. I mean, they're really making Christians look bad. But what they portrayed was simply what many non-Christians see when they look at us.

Let's take a look at the Gay Rights issue in the United States. That's not a very hot topic. LAUGHTER

At the root of it is the desire of two people who care deeply about each other desiring to be joined in a civil union. These people believe that their rights are not being honored simply because they are of the same gender. There are many in the Christian community who agree with them. What is so wrong with this - so that one can provide the other with all the rights and priveleges of a spouse?

Along come some Christian leaders who point out that this is a slippery slope (a term many Christians like to use in situations like this). If these "civil unions" are granted to the homosexuals, there will be nothing to stop bigamy, bestiality or NAMBLA-type unions. Much of the taboos that prevent sex offenses will be lifted. In fact, consent will no longer be an issue and sex-crimes will be erased from the books.

Who is correct? (I was going to use the word right, but that can be taken two ways...) Who, in God's eyes, is being faithful on this issue?

The truth is, neither is correct.

The Gay Rights community is acting against the will of God by engaging in behavior specifically condemned by scripture. The Christian community is retro-acting because of a failure over the last forty years to remain a vocal force in America (and elsewhere). In response, they are trying to legislate morality.

Legislating morality cannot work. Forcing people to behave in a manner that is pleasing to God has been proven time and again to fail. Christ, Himself, condemned this practice in Matthew 15.

Then some Pharisees and teachers of the law came to Jesus from Jerusalem and asked, "Why do your disciples break the tradition of the elders? They don't wash their hands before they eat!"

Jesus replied, "And why do you break the command of God for the sake of your tradition? For God said, 'Honor your father and mother' and 'Anyone who curses his father or mother must be put to death.' But you say that if a man says to his father or mother, 'Whatever help you might otherwise have received from me is a gift devoted to God,' he is not to 'honor his father' with it. Thus you nullify the word of God for the sake of your tradition. You hypocrites! Isaiah was right when he prophesied about you:
" 'These people honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me.
They worship me in vain; their teachings are but rules taught by men.'"

- Matthew 15:1-9, NIV
God's Law was to ensure morality. The tradition of the Pharisees was to try and force the people into God's good graces.

Legislation to force non-believers to act as if they were believers will only drive them further from the truth. Enforcing such legislation can possibly lead to a world portrayed in the movie V for Vendetta where anyone deemed to be outside the will of God by the fascist theocratic ruler is condemned to death.

What, then, is the answer?

Turn people to Christ the way He turned them. He openly condemned those who believed they could see (the Pharisees - Matthew 23). But to those who admitted they were blind, even in their sin, He showed perfect love (the woman caught in adultery - John 8:1-11).

When a Christian demonstrates even the tiniest disdain for a person they believe is a "sinner", they have lost their right to reach out to that person. The "sinner" can detect this disdain and will openly rebel against the preaching.

For at least the last forty years, American Christians have fallen down in their job of spreading God's word with love. Facing a society filled with deplorable pleasures, American Christians have responded with rebukes and threats of hell that scripture reserves for professing believers. The face of Christ in America is no longer:

No, the face of Christ in America is rapidly becoming:

Here he is surrounded by his disciples: note Peter (actually "The Voice of London", Lewis Prothero) smiling at his lord...

In the opening lines of the movie, the "Voice of London" talks about the demise of America (so embroiled in a civil war that basic services like food and medical are no longer available) is because of "Godlessness. Judgment." He's not far from the truth. It's as Anne Graham Lotz said on The Today Show shortly after 9/11. She was asked, "If God is good, how could God let this happen?" Her answer:

I would say also for several years now Americans in a sense have shaken their fist at God and said, God, we want you out of our schools, our government, our business, we want you out of our marketplace. And God, who is a gentleman, has just quietly backed out of our national and political life, our public life. Removing his hand of blessing and protection. We need to turn to God first of all and say, God, we're sorry we have treated you this way and we invite you now to come into our national life. We put our trust in you. We have our trust in God on our coins, we need to practice it.

- Thanks to snopes.com for the quote!

We are in a dilemma, and it is of our own making. By cramming our ideology down the throats of everyone we see, we serve not Christ but ourselves. We are trying to prove to ourselves that we have not let this country literally go to hell. We cannot prevail on our own. We need to work on the crumbling situation in this country one person at a time. We will not succeed by hitting the entire country in one fell swoop.

To those who believe otherwise, I'm sorry. I can no longer support your efforts to legislate morality in this country. I do not believe it will work. I've been saying it for years on other issues, and now I will say it on this as well.

Prayer:

Almighty Heavenly Father, quick with judgment and mercy, guide our paths today. Show us the way to bring Your love and compassion into this country. Help us to love others into Your fold. Remove our contempt for those who are different. It is only through Your perfect example of love that we can succeed in bringing this country back to You.

Father, we acknowledge that we have slacked off in our commitment to keep this country close to you. We confess our sin of omission, for not doing a good thing is just as wrong as doing a bad thing.

Help us, Father. Help us to reach out to the hurting. Help us to make You real to those who do not know You. Help us to teach them how to heal. You told us that if we believe we can see, we will be made blind. And if we are blind, You will help us to see. Remove our blindness. Help us to see the true path You have made for us. It's time to inspire revival in America, and around the World.

Thank you, Father, for blessing us, even in our failures. Thank you, Father, for giving us Your presence. Thank you, Father, for being here when we don't even realize you're here.

It is in Christ's name we pray,
Amen.

Why Is It So Hard To Let Go?

2007-04-02T08:48:00.000-05:00

A wise man once said, "Let go and let God." I found it attributed to a lot of different people, I don't know who said it first. It's one of those nice clichés that we like to pass along with a smile to someone who's having a rough time. Robert, a guy I worked with during a very short contract to the Houston Fire Department, shortened it to "let it goooooooooooooooo," referring to my anger management issues. I have to admit that I have trouble with both.

A week ago today, my wife went out of town to visit her ailing mother. She left me a list of honey-dos. The most important item on the list was completed within the first two days of her absence. APPLAUSE Yesterday, I completed another task: I mowed and edged the front yard and trimmed the hedges. The backyard is still a lake from Saturday's storms. Still, there are some items on the list that haven't been getting done.

Why? 'Cuz I really enjoy slacking off. I made this confession to an older friend at church yesterday. This friend is the man to whom I look when I want an example of a Christian. His name is Noah, and I've never seen him say a cross word about anybody - either to their face or behind their backs. He chastised me in a way that only he can. He said, "My friend, you have a lovely family. You have a wonderful wife. You have talents and abilities and youth on your side (he told me I have youth on my side). Why do you want to slack off? Why don't you get out and do something with your life?"

So, I came home and took care of the yard. I felt a heckuva lot better. I'm not abandoning my wife's desires. She won't be angry when she comes home this time.

Hmmm. I appear to be rambling again. I'll get straight to the point now. This morning, when I woke up, I prayed asking God to, again, do with me what He wants to do. Then I asked why He lets me do the stuff I want to do that is in a direct violation of His will. The answer was that He lets me do anything I want. If I choose to please Him, that's great. If not, I face the consequences - some of which are of His design, others are just the natural flow of life (like my wife coming home and finding the house a mess and her to-do list forgotten).

The thought, "Let go and let God" popped into my head. If I were to completely let go of my desires - those things that hold me back in this world, like being the master in CivIII only because I know a cheat - I would be doing His work. If I were to abandon me and devote myself to others, I would be doing His work. If. Why can't I do that?

It's not satisfaction. I get a lot of satisfaction from going into the prisons or giving a homeless guy a meal. And the satisfaction is immediate.

It's not desire. I truly desire to follow God's will and do His work during every waking moment.

It's not lack of motivation. I have plenty of motivation to at least follow up on my honey-do list without slacking off. I like to see my wife smile.

So, why is it so hard to let go?

I guess at the root of it, I suffer from pride. I need to be the one in charge. I need to be the one that says all the stuff on that list needs to be done. Since my wife said it, it's not my decision. Quickly, I scanned through a search on the word "pride" on Bible Gateway. I found over 50 negative references to the word "pride" and only 9 positive references - two of those were actually using the word as a pride (group) of lions. It appears that God doesn't like pride. In Ezekiel 28, God says He will bring down the king of Tyre because of his pride. In Proverbs, there are six negative references to pride, the most famous being, "Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall." (Proverbs 16:18, NIV)

Pride prevents me from doing what my wife asks me to do in my own house. Since I'm not doing what she wants me to do, I've got a lot more time to play CivIII. OK, since I've got all this free time, why don't I go out and minister to the homeless and volunteer for more prison programs? Well, it's another of the seven deadly sins: I'm lazy. Those require I take a shower, get dressed, and go outside my house. I'd much rather sit around in my underwear and take over the world in CivIII. Man - I'm really starting to see a trend here...

Do I know the solution? If I did, I would be a millionaire. Many folks have written entire books that can be summed up with "Get off your lazy ass and do something!" And, I suppose that is the solution. But it's so hard to do. I answered the question in the title of today's post. I know the reason it's so hard to let go.

Do I know how to fix it? No.

Being Broken

2007-03-28T08:07:00.000-06:00

Brokenness, brokenness is what I long for
Brokenness is what I need
Brokenness, brokenness is what
You want from me

So, take my heart and form it
Take my mind and transform it
Take my will and conform it
To Yours, to Yours, oh, Lord

- Holiness by Sonic Flood

This week, my family took a vacation out of state. I'm home alone. Not a bad thing for a guy who really needs a break from his kids screaming and crying all the time. But I'm lonely. My wife left me with a long list of honeydos, and we agreed that Monday would be my "restoration day".

Rather than allow myself to be restored by God, I spent all day playing Civilization III and surfing the internet. I didn't even go to my workout. I just sat all day in front of any of three different computers and ate Doritos. Is this inherently bad? No. But when I heard the Lord calling my name, I didn't respond. I just sat there playing my game or finding useless stuff to do in the accursed 'net. Even this morning, as I wrote this post, I find myself searching for stuff for my newfound XMMS Linux-based music player instead of writing. My daughter does the same thing to me, and it really torques me off.

That hit me this morning. Here I am, doing the same thing to God that my daughter does to me. I get mad at my daughter 'cuz she won't even give me the dignity of a response. She just continues playing, without even looking at me. No, she's not deaf - she's been tested. She just ignores me. When she does this to me, I get the feeling that I simply do not matter to her.

So, this morning, I get the feeling I've done this to God. (When you get a feeling like that, out of the blue, that's the Holy Spirit and God, Himself, talking to you. It's not just your imagination or conscience.) I prayed, asking God to forgive me. I know He has, He promised He would, but the remorse remains. That feeling of remorse is brokenness.

Brokenness is what happens when you crawl on your knees to God and say, "I am wrong." Brokenness is what happens when you cry out to God asking for His mercy and forgiveness. So now you're forgiven. What, though, is repentance? How do I fix it so I never do this again (yeah, right!)? How do I remove this nagging guilt and shame?

Quite often I'll find the answers in a song. Today was no exception. The lyrics at the top of the page are from SonicFlood's version of a song written by Scott Underwood. Sonic Flood added the verse about brokenness. The answer came in the chorus:

Take my heart and form it - Change my heart to reflect Your glory.
Take my mind and transform it - Change my thinking to reflect Your glory.
Take my will and conform it to Yours - Is that self-explanatory or not?

After carefully considering what this means, I'm trying to head back down the right road. I honestly desire nothing less than what God wants from me. I feel like Paul in the wordiest passage in all of scripture.

We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin. I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.

- Romans 7:14-20, NIV
If I'd wrote something like that in high school composition, Ms. Wroten would've given me an F!

I want to be like Christ. I don't want to be "holier than thou", but I want to be like Christ. I don't want to be better than anyone, I want to be like Christ. I want to be able to face the temptation and tell it to "take off". I'm going to let God continue working His reconstruction in my life. He'll be done when I join Him in Heaven.

The Church of the Warm Fuzzy

2007-03-24T05:17:00.000-06:00

Two days ago, I wrote about Paul's sufferings for Christ. I referred to this passage, but today I will elaborate on it. There are many wildly popular preachers out there who preach a good message on good fortune. They constantly present a gospel of wealth and prosperity for all who will listen. And, I'm really not opposed to their core message. But many of them don't appear to realize that there is so much more to the gospel message than prosperity.

Where will their congregation be when beset by hard times? In what will the members put their faith when a test comes along? How will they be prepared for the "flaming arrows of the evil one" (- Ephesians 6:16)? When will they hear about the hard times that always accompany faithfulness?

Paul wrote the following to such a church in the city of Corinth:

Since you admire the egomaniacs of the pulpit so much (remember, this is your old friend, the fool, talking), let me try my hand at it. Do they brag of being Hebrews, Israelites, the pure race of Abraham? I'm their match. Are they servants of Christ? I can go them one better. (I can't believe I'm saying these things. It's crazy to talk this way! But I started, and I'm going to finish.)

I've worked much harder, been jailed more often, beaten up more times than I can count, and at death's door time after time. I've been flogged five times with the Jews' thirty-nine lashes, beaten by Roman rods three times, pummeled with rocks once. I've been shipwrecked three times, and immersed in the open sea for a night and a day. In hard traveling year in and year out, I've had to ford rivers, fend off robbers, struggle with friends, struggle with foes. I've been at risk in the city, at risk in the country, endangered by desert sun and sea storm, and betrayed by those I thought were my brothers. I've known drudgery and hard labor, many a long and lonely night without sleep, many a missed meal, blasted by the cold, naked to the weather.
- 2 Corinthians 11:21-27, The Message

Oh, and don't forget about Acts 9:16, either. So, the church in Corinth was being led astray from the gospel by "egomaniacs" who presented a false gospel of unknown content (the content is irrelevant - all false gospel will fall under this category). These egomaniacs were pushing the Corinthians to abandon Paul's preachings because they were better than him. That is why Paul felt led to boast the way he did about everything he had suffered for Christ's name.

This is the problem I see with the gospel of prosperity. It leaves out all the stuff Jesus and Paul said about not being prosperous in this world. In Matthew 8:19-20, we find this:

a teacher of the law came to him and said, "Teacher, I will follow you wherever you go."

Jesus replied, "Foxes have holes and birds of the air have nests, but the Son of Man has no place to lay his head."

Does that look like prosperity to you? Animals have homes but Jesus does not. Can you follow this God that doesn't even have his own shelter?

I have personally experienced the lack of "stuff" as a result of being shaped by God the Blacksmith into the person He wants me to be. And, the funny thing is, I don't mind it. The computer on which I write this is a hand-me-down with Linux (a free system) installed. I can't afford to buy updates for Windows, but I can afford to get updates for Linux - 'cuz they're free! Before I dedicated my life to Christ, I understood that there would be lean periods in my life, and I was prepared to accept that. The only prosperity I'm promised is that "Mansion over the Hilltop". In the meantime, I've got whatever God gives me, and that includes the grace to be happy with the lack o' stuff.

I am very happy for the prosperous Christians. God has blessed them well. But where will they be if all that prosperity was gone? We are all disciples of Christ and "Satan has asked to sift [us] as wheat." That means we are going to be "Tempted and Tried" in an attempt to get us away from Christ. After all, Satan has no need to tempt the lost; he's already got them.

If you subscribe to the prosperity gospel that is so popular today, I implore you to read the Gospel of John for yourself. Read about Peter's Denials and his restoration. Read about the Stoning of Stephen. But those happened two-thousand years ago! What about modern-day persecution? Read about the persecution of overseas missionaries. OK - that's overseas. I live in the United States and I'm free to worship as I please. Unless you want to pray at a football game or read a bible at a courthouse or meet with fellow Christians at school.

I believe we are all given gifts of one sort or another by God. Some have been blessed with the wealth of this world so they can support those who do God's work without pay. But those who have been blessed with wealth need to be aware that one day it may all come crumbling down.

Paul must suffer...

2007-03-22T07:20:00.000-06:00

I will show him how much he must suffer for my name.
- Acts 9:16, NIV

These words were spoken by our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, to the disciple Ananias - the man who taught the Apostle Paul about the Lord. The him and he in this passage refer to Paul (at that time, Saul of Tarsus).

Saul was famous in these parts for persecuting Christians. He excelled at his chosen task, to the point when Christ appeared before Ananias in Damascus, Ananias asked Him, "Are you sure you have the right guy?" Today's scripture was part of Christ's response.

Suffering is part of the Christian gig. Paul notes that throughout his writings. He had been arrested many times, imprisoned, flogged, shipwrecked, caned, stoned, and spent at least 24 hours in the open sea. (You can read this yourself in 2 Corinthians 11:24-27.) Paul learned what it meant to suffer.

But perhaps, more compelling to me personally, is in the next chapter of 2 Corinthians. Paul tells about the "thorn in [his] flesh". In the fist six verses, Paul elaborates on his vision of Heaven. He described how he will not say, "I'm better than you because I saw all of this," because he is not the one to be glorified. Then, in verses 7 and 8, Paul says:

To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me.

Scholars have argued for centuries about this thorn. Was it a physical ailment? Was he suffering from a loss of vision as a result of his conversion (Acts 8)? Was he lame? Was he suffering pain in some way? Or was it emotional? Was he clinically depressed? Was he suicidal? Was he bipolar?

I say it doesn't matter. Whatever the thorn was is not important. Paul's point was that he was suffering for the name of the Lord. And he goes on to clarify that point in verses 9 and 10:

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

That last sentence is somewhat of a paradox. "When I am weak, then I am strong." Isn't all of following Christ a paradox?

"Those who are first shall be last."
"Those who think they can see are blind."
"Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of Heaven."

These are mysteries that our feeble human minds cannot comprehend.

So, if Christianity means we are to suffer, then why do we even bother? How can life be joy when it is filled with suffering? Entire religions have been founded to face this question. Buddhism is one that comes to mind. Once you accept the joy that life is suffering, you are bound for Nirvana. Until then, you're doomed to repeat life over and over again in a reincarnated body. Nirvana is oblivion - nothing left. In other words, your only hope to escape suffering is complete corporeal destruction.

Paul offers us a different hope.

as long as the heir is a child, he is no different from a slave, although he owns the whole estate. He is subject to guardians and trustees until the time set by his father. So also, when we were children, we were in slavery under the basic principles of the world. But when the time had fully come, God sent his Son, born of a woman, born under law, to redeem those under law, that we might receive the full rights of sons. Because you are sons, God sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, the Spirit who calls out, "Abba, Father." So you are no longer a slave, but a son; and since you are a son, God has made you also an heir.
- Galatians 4:1-7, NIV

We are no longer slaves to sin, but children of God. As a child of God, we are heirs to the throne. You and I are no different than Paul or David or Abraham. We are all children of God.

Next time you are down 'cuz life is treating you hard, remember this. Remember that there is a difference between joy and happiness. Happiness says you must smile all the time. Joy says you have a promise, a bright future to which you can look forward, even you don't feel like smiling.

You are My Strength and My Shield

2007-03-07T07:01:00.000-06:00

Psalm 28 (CEV)
(By David.)
A Prayer for Help
¹ Only you, LORD, are a mighty rock! Don't refuse to help me when I pray. If you don't answer me, I will soon be dead.
² Please listen to my prayer and my cry for help, as I lift my hands toward your holy temple.
³ Don't drag me away, LORD, with those cruel people, who speak kind words, while planning trouble.
⁴ Treat them as they deserve! Punish them for their sins.
⁵ They don't pay any attention to your wonderful deeds. Now you will destroy them and leave them in ruin.
⁶ I praise you, LORD, for answering my prayers.
⁷ You are my [strength and my] shield, and I trust you completely. You have helped me, and I will celebrate and thank you in song.
⁸You give strength to your people, LORD, and you save and protect your chosen ones.
⁹Come save us and bless us. Be our shepherd and always carry us in your arms.

I woke up with the emphasized words above on my heart. I don't know why, but they were there. So I began to meditate on them as I went about my morning routine. They (as all of scripture) are powerful words. These words build a picture of a God in whom we can rest knowing that the battle around us will stay there - around us.

But the word shield has little meaning for a 21^st-Century man like myself. I mean, I've seen pictures of ancient soldiers running into battle carrying their sword in one hand and their shield in another, but can I really relate to that?

In 1996, I was in a car wreck. My folks were letting me use their '92 Mustang while I was car-less. It was early in the morning and I was in McAllen, Texas (8 miles north of the border!) looking for some breakfast tacos. I was still sleepy and had slipped out of work without notifying my boss. I was only going to be gone for a few minutes, not for long. My light turned green, and I started going. Suddenly, I'd turned 90° to the right. The store to which I was headed was out my right-side window, now it was on my left. I was wondering what the heck happened. The hood was crumpled and steam was pouring out from the engine. But I was all right. I walked away from that wreck - a little sore, but otherwise all right.

My car was my shield. It protected me from the '68 Buick tank that ran the red light at about 55 mph.

I can relate.

David wrote a lot of Psalms about protection from enemies. While we, as Christians have problems relating to the crying out for vengeance in the Psalms, we can relate to David seeking refuge in the Lord.

Well, after my last post being a marathon, I guess I'll let you slide with this short one. God bless you. May He be your shield in rough times.

Thoughts on Blessings and Getting in Touch with God

2007-03-04T21:35:00.000-06:00

Note: This post is rather long. I actually composed most of it while on a sand dune on Padre Island National Seashore this afternoon. I had a wonderful time clearing my mind and soul so I could get back in touch with God. Enjoy reading!

2:48pm

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.
- Ephesians 3:20-21, NIV

A few weeks ago, we were working with these verses for a homeschool writing assignment. Every day, my girls were to copy these two verses twice. I'll admit - I was grasping at straws for many things (Bible Story, writing assignment, memory verse) and -d "Verse of the Day". This passage came up.

Through the trying month of February 2007, these verses - especially one phrase - kept coming into my mind. "To Him who is able to do immeasurably more than we can ask or imagine..."

Immeasurably more is a wonderful phrase. I can't think of a better way to put it. He can do more than can be measured. If we ask for a teaspoon of blessings, He is able to provide a fload of Noahic proportions. If we can imagine a swimming pool full of blessings, He can deliver the moon - literally.

Immeasurably more than we can ask or imagine. That's quite a bit! As I write this, I'm watching the waves roll in on the Gulf of Mexico. I'm in Texas on the Padre Island National Seashore, looking toward Florida. Or Cancun. Or Alabama. All I can see is water (and the occasional oil rig). The amount of water in the Gulf of Mexico is immeasurable. I mean, sure we can estimate it.

The surface of the Gulf of Mexico is about 600,000 square miles. Average depth is ~1 mile, meaning the Gulf of Mexico contains 600,000 square miles of water. This is equal to 88,318,771,200,000,000 cubic feet (that's 88 quadrillion feet). There are 7.48052 gallons in one cubic foot, so there are 660,670,334,337,024,000 gallons (that's 660 quadrillion gallons) of salt water in the Gulf of Mexico.

But that's just an estimate, not a measurement. And I can be anal about numbers - just ask my wife. In my not-so-humble opinion, it's already immeasurable. OK, so we can estimate that the Gulf of Mexico holds a bunch of water. It's not an ocean. The oceans are bigger and deeper. And there are more seas and gulfs that we haven't discussed. How much water is on the Earth? Immeasurable. And God is capable of pouring out even more blessings on one person than can be contained in all the oceans, gulfs, seas, lakes, ponds, rivers... of the world. And He can do the same for each and ever person in the world. Every day.

That's a lot of blessings.

What, though, is a blessing? Is it riches? Material goods? Food? Family? Friends? Power?

After seeking "blessings" through various means over a period of 40+ years, I don't think it's any of the above. After all, wise old King Solomon had all thesee things but did not consider himself truly blessed. (Read Ecclesiastes if you don't know what I mean. Here's a hint: Enjoy life with your wife, whom you love, all the days of this meaningless life that God has given you under the sun— all your meaningless days. For this is your lot in life and in your toilsome labor under the sun.) True blessings may involve food, but only enough to keep you from starving.

3:30pm

I'm sitting on the beach listening to my MP3 player and thanking God for the blessing of having a beautiful, peaceful place to meditate while I write. Suddenly, "Adding to the Noise" by Switchfoot came on. Hint taken! Now I'm listening to the dull roar of the surf, the call of the gulls and the rustling of the reeds - and therefore to God's voice - as I write. Funny. As much as I love people's music, God's music is so much more beautiful! I'm moving south now.

The She-Log and Shells

3:52pm

I've moved about ¼ mile south - moseying along and getting caught up in my old beach days (minus the case of beer). I found some pretty shells I'll give my girls. I wish my digital camera wasn't broken so I could show you what I see.

As I walked just on the dry side of the waves, I saw several broken sand dollars lying in the sand. I picked up two pretty orange bi-valve shells for my daughters. Oh - and a spiral nautilus-type shell for science lessons. I can't see my van now - it's hidden by the dunes. I also can't see (or hear) the gas drilling rig behind me. I'm still surrounded only by the still, small voice of God.

The She-Log is a huge chunk of driftwood covered with dead, dry moss. It looks like it's covered with long gray hair. :)

Gathering shells is an innocuous, selfish activity. Steven Wright is the lease selfish shell collector I've heard of. (Go ahead - say that line several times really fast!) He keeps his seashell collection scattered on beaches around the world. :) But it brought to mind the subject of blessings, once again.

I'd seen all these broken sand dollars and I thought it would be neat to find a whole one that I could take home. I heard a reply, "You mean, kill a sand dollar so you can add it to your collection?"

"No," I thought, "just wash a dead one up on the beach."

Again the reply: "So you can keep it and not share it?"

One-on-one time with God can really make you think!

The pelicans are feeding. These are huge birds with at least an 8-foot wingspan. They dive into the water and catch fish - then come up with beaks full of water and fish. They spit out the water and eat the fish. It's really cool to watch God's creation in action!

Our blessings are peace, peace and peace. Not safety from sorrow or pain. Not giant TVs and an unending HD-DVD collection with a Dolby 7.1 400W Surround. Our blessings do not include any earthly guarantees except joy and peace. And these are still hard to come by if we are not leaning on the Lord. But they are more important than anything else.

"The Son of Man has no place to lay His head." We should consider ourselves blessed if we do. Our world, particularly America, considers blessings of a material sort to be "real" and those who accept peace in lieu of Easy Street are missing out. I'm sorry, Mr. TV Preacher. I can't find anywhere in scripture where I'm guaranteed a beach-front bungalow with a bottomless refrigerator/freezer and no bills. I can, however, find a promise that I will be filled with joy whether or not I have those things.

Now who's missing out? The guy who puts all his joy in his wealth or the guy who sacrifices his wealth to find joy?

"Sell all that you have and follow me. (Clay's Paraphrase) I read that many years ago and thought, "That can't be right! I'm a college graduate! I didn't suffer through 12 years of college and the Navy so I could give away everything I own!" But, He didn't stop there. "It's easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to get into Heaven." (again, Clay's Paraphrase) This doesn't mean that the rich won't get into Heaven, it just means that most people who have accumulated wealth have done so at the expense of others or have simply forgotten who gave them the wealth - Our Heavenly Father.

Now, having experienced life without all the fancy stuff (we watched DVDs on a 5" black and white TV for several months 'cuz our 13" color died!) I can say I'm ready to forego it all and experience His best. That may or may not include the latest technology. It may or may not include meat on the table three times a day. But it does mean I will not die of hunger or boredom! It does mean that I will not lack for the basic necessities (which are far more basic than most Americans realize!)

4:30pm

My butt's going to sleep again. I'm going to get moving again. I figure I've got about two hours of daylight remaining.

The Hydra Log

5:08pm

I walked the 1/2 mile back to the car. (I arrived at this figure in my own anally accurate way: I counted 767 footsteps on my left foot - with forty-five inches between heel marks for each step. This was a distance of 3,104 feet which is 0.58787878787878787878787 miles. Rounding to the nearest quarter mile, and accounting for possible errors in counting or math, I'll say it was ½ mile.) After walking back, I drove 3/10 mile north and ate a small package of blueberries! YUM! Now I'm in my van, parked facing the surf with the downwind window open. That north wind is quite chilly! The sun is hurrying toward the cloudless horizon and I'm going to be in total darkness in about an hour.

The Hydra-Log is a driftwood stump with the roots up. It reminds me of the mythical hydra - an animal with several snake heads.

7:08pm

HUNGRY!! I'm now in Rockport. Somehow I keep winding up here. I really like Rockport. Maybe someday I'll retire here?
As I drove from Padre Island National Seashore to Port Aransas, I watched the sun sink below the horizon. Only God can make pink, purple and blue look good together! I also watched with amusement as I passed the "Ferryboat Burma-Shave" signs. Starting a full 12 miles before arriving at the ferry landing, there were signs telling the rules and regulations for riding the ferry. I thought it was hilarious the way there was one rule every ½ mile for 12 miles. Then again, this was all new to me and I was an old-hand on the Island.

Anyway, I wound up at Off the Hook restaurant for dinner. It was a great seafood restaurant built right on Aransas Bay. The signs talked about their "forever view" out the huge picture windows facing the bay, but it was night so I didn't see the typical daytime view. But the sea is just as pretty at night - if not more so. As I sat, I watched fish jump in the lights and an egret standing on the other side of the lagoon right outside the window. The egret kept jabbing the water with its beak but always came up empty. Well, I know I'm going to eat. I must be more blessed than this egret. The tiny lagoon with the egret is very still, like a sheet of glass. Not a ripple mars the surface, save for the occasional jumping fish.

A red oval rose over the eastern horizon. At first I thought it to be some sort of light in the bay - maybe a channel marker. As it rose higher, it became brighter and more circular, evolving into the familiar sight of the light created to "govern" the night. The welcome smile from the "Man in the Moon" gazed at me after a long day of seeking God in everything I see.

7:40pm

AWESOME!!!! A gray porpoise just went jumping through the lagoon! God is great! Of course, that means it's not a lagoon. It also explains why the egret isn't coming closer to the jumping fish. The water's too deep! Egrets are long-legged birds that stand on the bottom. They don't swim like ducks, gulls or pelicans.

That was one of my blessings for today. As a lady at the next table said, "That will be one of my happy memories for the rest of my life. When a bad thing happens, I can pull up my happy memories - and that will be one of them." Seeing a porpoise, not boat-related, is a very satisfying experience. I've seen many in the Navy and crossing the ferry at Port Aransas, but never just swimming past like that.

Well, I'm heading home. It's been a rich day. I'll write more tomorrow. It'll be more concise and orderly. This is just notes from a very good day. I pray that God will bless you immeasurably more than you could ask or imagine as He has done for me today.

This is the Day that the LORD has Made

2007-02-22T06:43:00.000-06:00

I will rejoice and be glad in it.

- Psalm 118:24

There are so many reasons we find to have a bad day. And, over the last three weeks, my family has experienced many of these reasons. During these times, it's very hard to rejoice.

In the last five years, there have been times when I couldn't feel the LORD's presence. Funny thing, though, during these recent events that have seriously strained my emotions, I've felt very close to the LORD. When it was my action that separated us, I've suffered from seemingly innocuous wounds. When it was the actions of another that bring strife into my life, I'm comforted though the battle rages.

I'm not boasting. I am not given to boasting, nor have I reason to boast. This is simply a statement of fact from my own personal experience, and I wish to share it with those who may be experiencing the same thing. When you learn something good, it's good to share. So, I'm sharing.

Though I'm not incredibly successful, I try to start each day with some "God-time" - prayer and reading His Word. I actually started doing this when I asked for freedom from bipolar disorder and my answer came from 2 Corinthians 12:

there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."

If His grace is sufficient for me, than I better do what I can to stay close to Him. That's the only way I overcame bipolar disorder. And, that's the only way I can make it through today, as well.

Right now, there's not a person in my family that has a job. As my wife's company pares down the IT jobs in the US, she was one of those given a permanent vacation. I am trusting in the LORD to care for us, and through constant prayer and reading His Word, I am at peace with the loss of my wife's job. I've had to stop asking for a map and just trust that His headlights will light the way.

For the last few years, I'd been trying to understand exactly what God wants me to do. I've stressed myself out because I don't know the end result. But then something occurred to me: Abraham didn't know where he was going, either - but he went. Joseph didn't have a choice where he went - but he never lost faith, even in prison. One day, Moses was a lowly shepherd caring for the flock of his father-in-law. The next day, he was a freedom-fighter (at the age of 80!) standing up to Pharaoh with his brother and his God by his side. Gideon was hiding in a winepress threshing wheat (it won't work very well!) when an angel told him to go fight the Midianites. David was, like Moses, a lowly shepherd caring for his father's flock when Samuel told him, "The LORD has annointed you to be the next king of Israel!" Isaiah was serving as a priest in the Temple when he saw the face of God and became His spokesperson in Israel. Zechariah was serving as a priest in the Temple when he saw an angel that said, "You're going to have a son - and he will bring Israel back to God." But that was nothing compared with Mary - the angel told her she would have a son even though she'd never been married! The disciples were fishing when a man came up to them and said, "Drop your nets!" Then there's Saul. He made a living persecuting Christians. "Deny Christ or Die!" And he thought he was doing the right thing!!! But Christ appeared to him and taught him the right thing to do. So he did it.

What right do I have to gripe about not knowing what is going on in my life? Why am I upset that I'm not in control of my life? Is it my life to control? Am I not here solely for God's pleasure?

Though the cherry trees don't blossom and the strawberries don't ripen,
Though the apples are worm-eaten and the wheat fields stunted,
Though the sheep pens are sheepless and the cattle barns empty,
I'm singing joyful praise to God.
I'm turning cartwheels of joy to my Savior God.
Counting on God's Rule to prevail,
I take heart and gain strength.
I run like a deer.
I feel like I'm king of the mountain!

- Habakkuk 3:17-19, The Message

It doesn't matter how horrible your life is. I can tell you from experience that God is bigger than your problems. With Him holding you, there is nothing you cannot face. He never promised us a rose garden, only the grace to deal with the thorns. We are here to fight a battle. And we will win.

More on being offensive

2007-02-20T07:11:00.000-06:00

He who covers over an offense promotes love, but whoever repeats the matter separates close friends.
- Proverbs 17:9, NIV

Today I installed the cool new Flash Verse of the day tool from Bible Gateway. And, the first verse that popped up was Solomon's comment on my last blog entry. Whoa.

I've been offensive, and I've repeated the matter. That's why I have to keep saying "I'm sorry if I've offended you". But if I'm passionate about something, shouldn't I stick to my guns?

Those to whom I referred in the last post, are people I consider to be close friends. Have I separated them? When I told a good friend we were going to homeschool, he said, "Some of our neighbors homeschool. They're really weird." Well, i certainly hope I'm not weird. But there's something about this that offends people. I'm going to find out why.

When I told my wife about the response I'm getting from folks, she said, "Maybe you're coming off stronger than you think you are. If one person thinks you are pushing homeschooling on everyone, it's likely their problem. If more than one person thinks you are doing it, then you may be doing it."

I'll be honest. I've read and re-read what I've posted - I honestly don't think it is pushing homeschooling on anyone who doesn't want to participate. But since more than one person believes it does, then I'm ready to face the facts and say, "I guess it does." Well, here are the facts I've dug up:

I guess I'm a recruiter. Two military recruiters hooked me about 20 years ago. I signed up with both the Marines and the Navy. I wound up doing the time with the Navy, and I'm glad I served. But neither of these recruiters came to me. I went to both of them seeking something more in my life. When they offered me something, I bit.

I'm the same way about homeschooling. Someone comes to me with a problem they're having in the public school system, and I do what I've always done when someone asks me about any problem: I provide a possible solution from my own experience. Lately, here in Texas, there's been a lot of talk about the Governor's mandate that all schoolgirls be vaccinated against a sexually-transmitted disease. I personally campaigned for Carole Strayhorn and against Rick Perry because I don't like what he stands for. But he was re-elected anyway, and look what we have now. (What would it require to see if money exchanged hands?) My answer to the dilemma: I'm glad I homeschool. And those of you who have problems with this need to either take it up with the state government (recall Perry!) or get your kids into somewhere that they won't be affected by this order. If you choose to homeschool, I'll be here to help you along. If you choose another method, I don't know anything about it.

This is like offering advice on a car. I drive a Honda and a Saturn - both of which have over 100K miles on them. I've enjoyed both cars, and I am a strong supporter of both makes. Now, if you come up to me and ask me which car I recommend, I'd recommend either a Honda or a Saturn. But if you come up to me and ask me about a Dodge, I'll refer you to my folks. If you ask me about a Ferarri, I'll say, "I don't know anything about them - but they sure do look hot!"

Education is the same way. I can offer advice only about what I know. That is homeschooling. The Marine recruiter couldn't tell me anything about the Air Force, Army or Navy, except that he considered them all wimps. The Navy recruiter had the same dilemma.

I'm sorry if I've offended you.
I'm sorry if what I've said has hit you wrong.
I am passionate about homeschooling in the same way I'm passionate about the church. I believe it works, and I believe it is the right thing for most people. I also believe it is much easier than most want to admit. Yeah, it gets in the way of your personal dreams (believe me, I know that!) but the reward is worth it. If you don't think it's for you, that's fine. I'm honestly very happy for you. And, if you come back to me with another problem in the public school system, I'll tell you that I don't have to deal with that because I homeschool. Some friends of mine would say they don't have to deal with that because their kids are in private school.

I will try to watch my tone when I speak. I do not want to be offensive. Please understand, though, that this is important to me. And yes, I plan to homeschool through high school.

I'm sorry if I've offended you....

2007-02-15T21:02:00.000-06:00

These words have escaped my keyboard several times in the last few months. Why? Because there are things about which I'm passionate. I'm passionate about my relationship with my wife, my children and my God. I'm passionate about doing things right by those with whom I have a responsible relationship. That means I'm passionate about ensuring those relationships remain strong, regardless of what others may think or feel.

Truth is, I don't like to offend people. I used to enjoy doing it, but I've matured somewhat. I do things that people don't like. I associate with untouchables. I homeschool. I strive to please God - 'cuz he's the only one that matters.

The problem arises when something I'm passionate about steps on someone else's toes. Well, I honestly don't believe I'm doing anything wrong in most of my life. I'm doing what I feel led to do. Yeah, I make mistakes. Yeah, I slip and fall. I'm not perfect - nobody is. But I am working hard to live a life that will make God happy. I'm working hard to walk into His arms and hear Him say, "Well done, good and faithful servant."

That means I'm going to associate with untouchables. That means I'm going to dare to tell people in my church they're not the only ones going to heaven. That means I'm going to the prison and talk to the murderers and rapists and thieves. That means I'm going to talk to those all the 'righteous' have labeled sinners. (Hey - I've got news for you - I'm a sinner, too!)

Christ associated with untouchables. "My Jesus...spent His time with thieves and sluts and liars" Thanks to Todd Agnew - "My Jesus". Christ didn't like the religious folk of His day. And don't forget that they're the ones that put Him on a cross.

I'm also going to homeschool. There are so many things wrong with this country, and it seems like we're only getting worse. I wish it were just teaching evolution and the occasional pot-head in class like it was in the 70s. No, today there are 11-year-olds hosting sexual drug orgies. Today there are a handful of adults who won't tell your kids they're stupid for believing in God. Today they are forced to learn about Islam and Hinduism and Buddhism while speaking of the Lord will get you suspended.

It's all in the name of pluralism. "Everything's OK. There is no absolute truth." Pluralists teach us that if we love each other then we must be tolerant of their actions, regardless of what we know to be true from scripture.

So the neighbor kid is taught that it is perfectly normal for Heather to have two mommies, and that there is no difference between Christianity and Buddhism and ancient Greek paganism. She is taught that if it feels good, that is what you should do. She is taught that no matter what she does, she is still a good person.

I don't want this to be taught to my kids. I don't want my kids to come home one day and tell me that I'm an idiot because I pray to God. I don't want my kids to come home one day and tell me that I'm old-fashioned about sex because the teacher told them it's okay to experiment with people from both sides. This is why I homeschool.

I believe I am to "Train up a child in the way she should go". I also believe that not everyone is able to do this, and those people need to find suitable alternatives to public school. I also believe that many people are afraid to try it - and would find that it is much easier than they think.

I've rambled. I'm sorry if I've offended you. I'm not sorry for what I said.

That Rawks!

2007-02-02T23:30:00.000-06:00

Fifteen years ago, I was delivering pizzas for a living - and living in a tent on the beach. The job and the tent were by choice. I had no bills, I had no worries. I'd get my tip money and go home with leftover pizza, a full tank of gas a case of beer and some ice for the cooler. Breakfast usually started after 10 am and consisted of cold pizza and maybe a beer or Gatorade. I'd lift the hatchback on my '84 Dodge Colt and crank up some Metallica or Soundgarden or Rush.

While delivering pizza, I was one of those cars you hate to be next to. My car thumped. I couldn't afford a decent car stereo, so I had a boom box plugged into the cigarette lighter with two Bose 101s in the back. My whole car was jury-rigged like that.

I've always enjoyed loud, hard music. I remember in 1986 when Metallica hit the radio with Master of Puppets I said, "There's no way rock can get harder than that." I was wrong. Keyboards don't do much for me. Guitar, bass and drums. That's where it's at. Maybe a flute like Jethro Tull, but that was about it. There was nothing more soothing than watching the sun rise on Padre Island with Nothing Else Matters blaring through my car speakers.

But then I settled down and got civilized. I got married, and that meant I had to become a respectable citizen, right? So, I stopped driving around with the stereo blaring - at least when other people were in the car. 'Specially that lovely lady that became my wife. I still enjoyed listening to the "alternative" station here in Yewsten.

But on January 30, 2002 (I was going to post a blog on that day, but there was a major spew in my life that I'll cover later), I became a Christian. Wow. Five years! My body's 41 years old, but my soul's five. Cool, huh? Anyway, I became a Christian. I was ready to change my life, and God began to do exactly that. First, He removed my desire for the music I enjoyed. Not the guitars, but the lyrics devoted to secular humanism, sex, drugs and death. It just didn't do anything for me anymore. Actually, it was worse than that - I really couldn't listen to it anymore. For nearly 20 years, Rush was my favorite band. But now I found their lyrics offensive.

So, I began to listen to the Christian radio station here in town. They played some decent music, but they had a huge audience to whom they had to appeal, so they didn't play any of the raw, cutting edge rock and roll I'd come to love. I mean, there is a fairly small crowd in the secular world that listens to that sort of music (A long-time Yewsten rock & roll icon, KLOL, was recently turned into a Tejano station because the market segment for KLOL was so small). In the Christian world, the segment is even smaller - preventing a radio station from carrying it 24x7.

Well, time went on and I began to crave the driving guitar again. I tried flipping back to my stations, but with the kids in the car - let's just say there was too much going on that I didn't want my kids to hear. So I kept listening to music that was rapidly (for me) approaching quaalude quality.

Then I went to the local library and checked out a Christian Xtreme CD. There were bands I knew and bands I'd never heard of. Demon Hunter. Relient K. Toby Mac. Pillar. Something that surprised me, there are more women in Christian music that know how to really rock than in secular music. Rebecca St. James. Superchic[k]. Barlow Girl. I found my guitar. I found my drums. I found my gutteral singing. I was happy again.

Last week, I got a Skillet CD. They're one of my favorite bands. The term is, I guess (and don't forget - I'm 41. Even thought I like the music, I'm not up with the terminology!) they rawk.

So, thanks for the rawk, folks. Thanks for "rocking my face off" (as Mac Powell from Third Day would say). But mostly, thank you for rawking for God.

Go for the Gusto!!!

2007-02-01T23:34:00.000-06:00

This used to be an advertisement for Schlitz beer. I remember the tagline, but I don't remember the tune or even the video. But it said that if you're going to drink a beer, then grab the best beer out there. Well, in 2007, I'm applying that philosophy to my life.

You want to know where I am in my life? I've been playing the game the way people have told me I need to play it. I've been living as if today doesn't matter and all we have is tomorrow. Well, I've written several times in the last month that my timing was off. Yesterday doesn't matter and tomorrow never comes. That leaves me with today.

"Today is the first day of the rest of your life."
"Live today as if it were the last day of your life."
There are more, but these two say are all that's coming to my mind. See a trend here? I'm done worrying about yesterday's mistakes, and I'm done worrying about tomorrow's food. I'm ready to do what God wants me to do, and go where He wants me to go. If He wants me in Houston, I'll stay. If He wants me in Podunk, East Dakota, I'll go. (Yes, Virginia, I know there's no East Dakota.) I'm going where God provides a path to go, and doing what He provides a way to do.

Effective January 1, 2007, my family is freed from the bonds that tied us to the world. We are free to move about God's Kingdom, and that's what we're going to do.

This is a teaser, so there will be more details later.

Helping Others to Heal

2007-01-20T23:58:00.000-06:00

I honestly believe I was made to suffer through an emotional disorder so that I may help others in the same situation. I am convinced of that. And I have been able to lend at least an ear to those who have asked. In some cases, I have lent a job. In other cases a ride. But I try to always be there.

I have come to believe, however, that the only effective means of helping others in this situation is face-to-face discussion. Recent events have illustrated this to me.

Bipolar disorder is not pretty. Many think that the emotional highs are great - you feel wonderful when you're manic. Well, that's only half true. In my case, the manic highs were associated with an unquenchable rage that damaged my house and scared the hell out of my family. My father once commented that "you have put a hole in every single house in which we've lived." And we moved a lot, so that's a lot of houses and a lot of holes.

The rage begins tingling as a good feeling. You feel good, so you want to feed the good feeling. Then something tiny happens that gives you the very slightest anger. The good feeling jumps. Now, your body feels better, but it comes through negative energy. Still it feels good, so you feed it. Like a starving man, your rage needs fuel to keep burning. You begin to incite those around you to do or say something that you can interpret as stupid or offensive. They feed the rage. The fire gets bigger and you feel stronger. Soon you're bullet-proof. You can do no wrong. You are a god.

This is where I was as often as three times a week for many, many years. I was around seven when I first noticed it. I'm 41 now and am still not free of it. I was able to throw heavy objects, such as hide-a-bed sofas, across a room. I was able to scream for hours without becoming hoarse. I was able to speak all manner of curses against my family and friends without the slightest remorse. And I believed that there was nothing wrong with me.

It took an encounter with an officer of the law before I sought help. But I did seek help. I had a baby at home and a new marriage. I did not want to go to jail. After 11 months of counseling, I suffered a panic attack. The day was my second wedding anniversary - a day that was actually going quite well. I believe the name of this episode is misleading for I was not panicky. I was terrified. And there was nothing to be terrified of. The overwhelming feeling of terror gripped my very soul and wouldn't let go. From my cell phone, I called my counselor in the middle of the night. She suggested I see a medical doctor - a psychiatrist. This was in October, 2000.

I did begin a regimen of medication at this point. Starting with 2 lithium tablets every day, I was taking 22 pills by the summer of 2003. Many of these pills were to counter-act what the psychiatric medications were doing to my liver, kidneys and heart. I told my doctor, "The medications that gave me the will to live are going to kill me." I had recently become a Christian, so I also began to earnestly pray that God would remove this torment from my life.

My wife and I had begun to discuss the possibility that this emotional disorder was rooted in something more severe than a physical ailment - perhaps it was spiritual in origin. The more I studied God's Word, the more I came to realize that, perhaps she was right.

They went across the lake to the region of the Gerasenes. When Jesus got out of the boat, a man with an evil spirit came from the tombs to meet him. This man lived in the tombs, and no one could bind him any more, not even with a chain. For he had often been chained hand and foot, but he tore the chains apart and broke the irons on his feet. No one was strong enough to subdue him. Night and day among the tombs and in the hills he would cry out and cut himself with stones.
- Mark 5:1-5, NIV

This man was strong. This man was able to break chains. Is that a physical ailment? Scripture tells us he was "with an evil spirit". I've experienced this. When I threw a Lexmark 4019 laser printer nearly 45 feet, I experienced superhuman strength. When I picked up our 3-seat hide-a-bed sofa and threw it 10 feet, I experienced superhuman strength. But the story in Mark continues:

When he saw Jesus from a distance, he ran and fell on his knees in front of him. He shouted at the top of his voice, "What do you want with me, Jesus, Son of the Most High God? Swear to God that you won't torture me!" For Jesus had said to him, "Come out of this man, you evil spirit!"

Then Jesus asked him, "What is your name?"

"My name is Legion," he replied, "for we are many."
- Mark 5:6-9, NIV

Many demons were living inside this one man. Many demons, not just one.

Jesus told us about demons, and that they like to stay in one place.

"When an evil spirit comes out of a man, it goes through arid places seeking rest and does not find it. Then it says, 'I will return to the house I left.' When it arrives, it finds the house unoccupied, swept clean and put in order. Then it goes and takes with it seven other spirits more wicked than itself, and they go in and live there. And the final condition of that man is worse than the first. That is how it will be with this wicked generation."
- Matthew 12:43-45, NIV

There are several short passages of note here. First, Jesus says, "When an evil spirit comes out of a man". How does the spirit leave a man? I do not believe it does so on its own accord. The spirit must be evicted by some manner. Jesus evicted many demons in His short ministry. Are we to believe that all demonic activity has stopped or shall we continue practicing what He preached?

Secondly, the demon seeks rest and does not find it. There is much speculation that demons are commanded to remain in their host until the host dies. When the demon is evicted from the host, it is tormented by his commander - satan - until it returns.

When it does so, and this is the third important point - perhaps the most important point - it "finds the house unoccupied, swept clean and put in order." This phrase seems to indicate that the house needs to be occupied by something. Since the house is spiritual, it can only be inhabited by spirits. And God desires to fill our houses with His Holy Spirit. So, if the house is unoccupied - if there is no spirit in the house, then things really get bad.

The spirit finds some other evil spirits - more wicked than itself, and returns to the house to party. Imagine, if you will, that you have a house rented to a bad tenant. This tenant doesn't pay the bills, doesn't care for the house, puts holes in the walls, lets his dog pee on the floor - a really bad tenant. After several warnings (gotta make it legal, right?) about the rules of the lease, you serve an eviction notice. The tenant, faced with the possibility that the Sheriff will come rough him up, leaves - but takes a key with him.
A while later, the tenant returns and finds the house repaired. The carpet is replaced. The holes in the walls, patched. The moldy kitchen counter, cleaned. The nasty bathroom, sparkling. He says, "I think I'll invite my friends over for one last party." His buddies, hardcore drunks, come over and proceed to tear all the sheetrock off the wall, break the toilet, pee in the fridge, break all the windows and stuff cotton balls down all the drains. The house is in worse shape than when the tenant was evicted. Had the house been rented, this likely would not have happened.

Since there are only two types of spirits, evil spirits and the Holy Spirit of God, there can only be two types of tenants in your house: evil spirits and the Holy Spirit of God. There is no other way around it.

Back to me: After praying hard through the spring and summer of 2003, I found an answer to my problems in scripture.

there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
- 2 Corinthians 12:7-10, NIV

Like the Apostle Paul, I prayed hard that God would remove this thorn from my brain. Make me whole again, Father! For a long time, there was no answer. I begged and begged Him to take it away. Finally, one day He pointed me to that scripture. He would not remove the torment, but he would give me the grace to deal with it on a daily basis. Also note that Christ's power is made perfect in weakness. Christ is stronger when we are weak. He made me weak that I may show His perfect strength.

Daily walking close to Thee is not an easy task. We are to remain with Him through prayer and reading His Word. Continue with the discipline, you will make a great disciple. 'Course, satan will attack you all the harder. But you can prepare for battle:

Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints.
- Ephesians 6:11-18, NIV

We cannot face the master of evil unarmed. God gives us what we need for the battle. All we have to do is make sure we have it on.

In October, 2003, I worked with my psychiatrist, psychologist and several trained professionals at my church to come off the medications. They were not happy about it - none believed that it was possible for a person with bipolar disorder to ever live a med-free life, but God did it for me.

It hasn't been all rosy since that day. I've had my moments. Some were even more frightening than they were before. Ah, but read the passage above. My house was unoccupied and swept clean, so my demon went and found some buddies to foul it up even more than it was in the first place. So I seek a good tenant for my house. I seek a tenant that will not only keep it clean, but repair the damage the well-meaning landlord has done to his own property through his own stupidity. I seek the Holy Spirit.

I'm begging you - if you know of anyone who may fit this description - or if you may fit this description, please - for your sake and for those you love - get some help. See a counselor. Find the root cause - you're missing God. Fill that hole with the Holy Spirit. Renew your life.

If you need to discuss this with someone, please don't hesitate to contact me. I'm here to help. But remember, I can't do a whole lot online. You'll also need to find a preacher or psychologist with whom you can speak.

A Couple of Lessons in Humility

2007-01-20T23:03:00.000-06:00

I hand-wrote this on a brand new note-pad in Houston, then drove to Corpus Christi and entered it in my blog. You may now refer to me as the Travelling Blogger!!!

"many who are first will be last, and many who are last will be first." - Matthew 19:30, NIV

One of the most over-used out-of-context passages from the Bible (preceded by the 'eye for an eye' passage and 'Thou Shalt Not Judge', of course!), this phrase came to life for your apparently not very humble author today. See, I pride myself on my humility. Perhaps that should be a red flag, but I'm too humble to notice...

Ok - so I embarked on a mission today:

Mail a letter to my oldest's pen-pal in Malaysia
Take the van to get the tires balanced

Oh - take the youngest child with you. That means you're going to need to be prepared to spend some time at Wal-Mart. "Take some cash with you to buy the postage and some snack/drink at McD's in Wal-Mart. Oh, we don't have any cash - take some coinage."

I grabbed about $3.75 in dimes and nickels (we're all out of quarters as well) and mumbled something to my wife about being embarassed 'cuz I jingle when I walk. She lecured me that money is money and "if all our kids have to spend is dimes and nickels, they will hold their heads high." Well, I guess she's right.

I headed for the post office, 3-year-old in tow, and waited in line for 20 minutes to mail a letter to Malaysia. It only cost 84 cents. Our credit card (which I would much rather have used) has a 1-dollar minimum. I would have had to buy something extra to make it a whole dollar if I were using the card. Funny thing, though, the lady thanked me - actually thanked me - for using eight dimes and a nickel because her drawer was short on change. Lesson One: What you consider to be an embarassment may very well be someone else's blessing! I didn't think about it until I was in the car - I could have offered her a couple more dollars in change!

Driving in Houston on a rainy Saturday afternoon reminds me of the Hurricane Rita evacuation. 4 million people in their cars adn each one is constantly jockeying for position so they can be in front of you at the next red light rather than behind you. Yes, I'm guilty of this as well, but when it's someone else doing it -- well, they're the ones being maniacs. Not me. Anyway, getting cut-off seven times in two miles can make even Ghandi cranky.

So by the time I arrived at Wal-Mart, I'm already less than happy. I find out that it's going to be about an hour and a half to balance tires. Great! I wanted to hit the road to Corpus thirty minutes ago, and I'm now finding out that I'm going to be delayed a total of two hours! Oh, well. I guess I can spend an enjoyable time at McD's with my daughter.

When I got to the snack bar, the place was a mess. They were out of apple pies, too. I made sure I brought extra coin so I could buy two apple pies for a dollar. And the guy behind the register just looked like he wanted me out of his line. One guy looked like he was cleaning, but on closer approach I saw that he was on his cell phone. That really torqued me off. I went to speak with the manager, but she was too busy to take a second to speak with a concerned customer. I mumbled something about lousy customer service and walked to a dirty table with my daughter. I sat down, whipped out the pens and paper I'd brought, and we started doodling and laughing.

Then the most amazing thing happened. The guy who was on his cell phone came out of the back with a bucket that reeked of chlorine (that's a good stink in this case) and proceeded to clean the tables, the chairs, the high chairs and the soda area. Made everything sparkling, too! My daughter spilled our drink and he was there with a handful of napkins before I could even get up from the table! Lesson Two: You're never too high and mighty for one of the 'little people' to take you down a peg or two.

I learned two valuable lessons regarding humility today. These lessons reminded me that yesterday doesn't matter (nobody cares about your status yesterday) and tomorrow won't happen (nobody cares about your status tomorrow). All that really matters is today. Live it like it's your last.

Good Friday's Comin'!

2007-01-12T13:48:00.000-06:00

Galatians 2:17-21, NIV
"If, while we seek to be justified in Christ, it becomes evident that we ourselves are sinners, does that mean that Christ promotes sin? Absolutely not! If I rebuild what I destroyed, I prove that I am a lawbreaker. For through the law I died to the law so that I might live for God. I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. I do not set aside the grace of God, for if righteousness could be gained through the law, Christ died for nothing!"

Galatians 5:22-25, NIV
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires. Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying each other.

Good Friday's coming. April 6 is Good Friday. Good Friday commemorates the day that our sin nailed Christ to the cross. Good Friday commemorates the day that we all died to sin and became holy in the eyes of our Heavenly Father. We need to take Good Friday literally. We need to die to sin, so that we may live in joy.

What is the source of our pain and suffering in this world? Sin. Even though we live in God's grace, sin hides Him from us. Without His light, we walk in the darkness. We need to find a way to get 'back to the garden' (thank you, Crosby Stills Nash and Young). This may be an old thing (I think that's what Lent is all about), but I propose we dispense with meaningless sacrifices (I'm not going to drink coffee for the next 40 days) and find true sacrifice - the sacrifice of self.

What does that mean? Quite simply - we need to die. We all need to die. We need to die to ourselves and be buried with Christ.

But remember - the story would be pointless if it ended there. It really began at the cross. Three days later, Christ walked out of that tomb. He (and many other saints in Jerusalem!) experienced resurrection. It's a resurrection that we can experience every day. "His compassions are new every morning." (Lamentations 3:23)

1 Corinthians 15:31, The Message
And why do you think I keep risking my neck in this dangerous work? I look death in the face practically every day I live. Do you think I'd do this if I wasn't convinced of your resurrection and mine as guaranteed by the resurrected Messiah Jesus? Do you think I was just trying to act heroic when I fought the wild beasts at Ephesus, hoping it wouldn't be the end of me? Not on your life!

So, it's not just about dying, it's about coming out of that death a better person.

Here's my challenge. Through April 6, dedicate yourselves daily to the Lord. Morning, noon, night - whenever's best for you. When you feel like it's crashing in, drop whatever it is you are doing and pray. No schedule is more important than your relationship with God.

Do you want to feel His presence daily? Begin now. And don't stop after Easter, keep it going all year long through next Easter and beyond. It's a daily renewal, not an annual one.

Monday, Monday

2007-01-08T16:21:00.001-06:00

Still hate that day.

Yeah, it's no fun being the first day after a weekend. It's kinda like being heartburn after pizza. Or kinda like being bad breath after a nice, garlicky dinner. Mondays ruin a perfectly good weekend.

My weekend was especially good, and especially long. See, it really started about two weeks before Christmas. Granted, I still have to work (being a stay-at-homeschool dad), but my routine was shot full o' holes. Four weeks ago, my kids were sick. So was my wife. I was the only healthy one. Therefore, I was a nurse, not a teacher. It was a refreshing difference. Three weeks ago, we were preparing for Christmas, and we had our homeschool Christmas break. Two weeks ago, we took a few days and went to visit my folks out of town. One week ago, my mother-in-law came from out of town to visit. My wife took vacation between Christmas and New Year's, then a couple of days at the end of last week. During this time, she took over the role as educator. I took a break. So I had nearly four weeks off as prime teacher in this house.

Then today hit. Oh, man. I'm the teacher again. I'm the guy who's responsible for handling all day, every day. Bummer. I am now back in my routine.

So, how do I handle it? I need to get back into my morning routine. Get up, spend some time with God, spend some time in the Word, and write in my blog. I'll be doing this more regularly as time goes on, so keep watching this spot. In the meantime, I'll be napping...

What is Forgiveness and Grace?

2007-01-06T13:22:00.000-06:00

Martin Luther was a devoted monk who invented new methods of scourging in order to cleanse himself from sin. He believed that he was so filthy, the normal scourges and fasts would not prove to God that he was genuinely interested in changing his ways - that he was repenting. This is what the Catholic church had taught him.

Then, one day, he read a book that the Catholics did not preach from: Romans.

Romans 5:1-5, NIV
since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.

Romans 7:4-6, NIV
you also died to the law through the body of Christ, that you might belong to another, to him who was raised from the dead, in order that we might bear fruit to God. For when we were controlled by the sinful nature, the sinful passions aroused by the law were at work in our bodies, so that we bore fruit for death. But now, by dying to what once bound us, we have been released from the law so that we serve in the new way of the Spirit, and not in the old way of the written code.

Paul wrote this:

Romans 7:21-25, 8:1-4 NIV
I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God's law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God—through Jesus Christ our Lord!

Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death. For what the law was powerless to do in that it was weakened by the sinful nature, God did by sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful man to be a sin offering. And so he condemned sin in sinful man, in order that the righteous requirements of the law might be fully met in us, who do not live according to the sinful nature but according to the Spirit.

God forgives those who claim His pardon from sin. God forgives all, regardless of what they have done, from their sins and welcomes them with open arms. in Romans 8:1, Paul tells us "There is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus".

Now, the question may be, "How do I know I'm in Christ Jesus?"

Here's the answer:

1 John 1:5-7, NIV
This is the message we have heard from him and declare to you: God is light; in him there is no darkness at all. If we claim to have fellowship with him yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live by the truth. But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin.

For years, I claimed to have fellowship with Him, but I walked in the darkness. I would sit in topless joints, whacked out of my gourd on tequila, and claim I was a Christian. I would lie, cheat and steal - and claim I was a Christian. I did not feel pain when I sinned against God.

One day, all that changed. I became a Christian. I did not miraculously stop sinning that moment, but I strive to be like Christ in every way. I fail miserably. But we are called to repentance. Therefore, I know I walk in the light. I now feel pain when I sin.

1 John 2:1-6, NIV
My dear children, I write this to you so that you will not sin. But if anybody does sin, we have one who speaks to the Father in our defense—Jesus Christ, the Righteous One. He is the atoning sacrifice for our sins, and not only for ours but also for the sins of the whole world.

We know that we have come to know him if we obey his commands. The man who says, "I know him," but does not do what he commands is a liar, and the truth is not in him. But if anyone obeys his word, God's love is truly made complete in him. This is how we know we are in him: Whoever claims to live in him must walk as Jesus did.

OK - so Christ speaks to the Father in our defense. He has already atoned for our sins past, present and future. (has to be future - all of our sins occurred after his atoning sacrifice!) All we have to do is obey His commands.

Well, what are those commands?

1 John 2:7-11, NIV
Dear friends, I am not writing you a new command but an old one, which you have had since the beginning. This old command is the message you have heard. Yet I am writing you a new command; its truth is seen in him and you, because the darkness is passing and the true light is already shining.

Anyone who claims to be in the light but hates his brother is still in the darkness. Whoever loves his brother lives in the light, and there is nothing in him to make him stumble. But whoever hates his brother is in the darkness and walks around in the darkness; he does not know where he is going, because the darkness has blinded him.

Those commands, quite simply, are the core of all of the Apostle John's sermons after the resurrection. Those commands are the reason he was exiled to live on the island of Patmos. Legend tells us that the Apostle John would sit in on Christian meetings. When asked to speak, he would get up and say six simple words: "My dear children, love one another." That is the command.

Love God with everything you are. Love your neighbor as you love yourself. These are the Two Great Commands (as paraphrased by Clay). Life according to these simple rules should be easy, right? Well don't forget that we are always tempted to fall from these rules.

1 John 1:8-9, NIV
If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.

Romans 3:10-12, NIV
As it is written: "There is no one righteous, not even one; there is no one who understands, no one who seeks God. 12All have turned away, they have together become worthless; there is no one who does good, not even one."

So none of us is without sin. Some of us believe that our particular sin may be worse than others, hence unforgivable. But these passages, prayerfully considered by the author, prove otherwise. Paul said "Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners—of whom I am the worst." (1 Timothy 1:15, NIV) Paul believed himself to be the worst of sinners, yet we consider him to be one of the greatest apostles. He was responsible for spreading the word of Christ to the Gentiles.

I honestly believe that if Hitler had a deathbed confession, he would be resting in Abraham's bosom right now. None of us know otherwise, therefore we don't know if Hitler is in Heaven or Hell.

I honestly believe that if Saddam Hussein had a pre-rope confession, he would be resting in Abraham's boson right now. None of us know otherwise, therefore we don't knowif Hussein is in Heaven or Hell.

I honestly believe that if I confess my sins to the Lord I will be resting in Abraham's bosom when I leave this earth. I have done so, and have felt the presence of the Holy Spirit in my life. I believe I am Heaven-bound. I try not to be self-righteous as so many in the church, because I am no better than anyone else. No better than the prisoners or homeless; no better than Joseph Stalin or David Koresh.

I pray that those out there who believe their sins are unforgivable will read this l-o-n-g passage and find redemption. I pray that those out there who are unwilling to sacrifice their lives for God will find that they are already forgiven for their sins, if they will but accept that forgiveness.

Thanks for reading.

First Post of the New Year

2007-01-01T10:42:00.000-06:00

This year, I resolve to be...

Nah - I can't do it. I've never been good at keeping resolutions. But, in the spirit of what everyone else is doing today (besides eating black-eyed peas...), I'll make some that I know I can keep, and if I fail to keep them I'll be better off.

So, this year, I resolve to eat as many calories, possibly more, as I did in 2006. I resolve to continue wasting time playing computer games and watching movies for the 10,000^th time. I resolve to work out at least once a month - and mowing the lawn counts. I resolve to drive in a manner many consider to be offensive, rather than defensive. I resolve to alienate more people than I have in past years.

See, that's the problem with New Year's Resolutions. I want to become a better person, but I set the standard too high. It's like I'm in a NASCAR race with my factory Saturn. I want to win, but I'm only capable of running at half the speed of those big boys out there.

OK, how's this: This year, I resolve to take little bites out of my annoying habits. I'll cut back some in my eating and increase my sweat time (mowing the lawn counts only 1/2 the time). I'll cut back on my games and movies. I'll drive like I have a fish on the back of my car. I'll show people love - and let curiosity get the best of them.

Still too much! I don't know if I can keep all that.

Hmmm...

Hey, I know! This year, I resolve to spend a little time each day with the Lord. It's what He wants. And He's already given me what I want - mercy and grace. Sounds like a win-win situation.

What about you?

Why David?

2006-12-18T10:17:00.000-06:00

Why does scripture refer to David as "a man after God's own heart"? I mean, he was a murderer, an adulterer, a bigamist - to put it bluntly, he was a sinner. So, what makes David a man after God's own heart?

I'll be honest, I never questioned the scriptures. I just accepted at face-value that David was who the scriptures said he was. It was actually another person who asked that question long before I became a Christian. And today, after much study, I feel I'm qualified to answer that question.

Here are the highlights of David's life. David loved the Lord. David wrote many psalms of praise to the Lord before he was ever recognized by the masses as someone important. David sang praises while he watched his sheep. Before he became royalty, David put God first in everything he did. When he was a shepherd, he knew that God would protect him from the wild animals. When he fought Goliath, he did so with complete faith in the Lord - more faith than most of us would be able to muster. When he fled for his life from Saul, he did so with the understanding that God would keep him safe, even though he had to flee from his home.

While king, David brought the Ark of the Covenant back into Jerusalem from where it was being kept after its return from the Philistines. He led Israel in a great revival for the Lord. He begged the Lord for permission to build a temple, though the Lord denied the warrior David this request. His love for the Lord knew no bounds.

But those wonderful highlights are tarnished by some of David's tabloid-topping acts of recklessness.

David fell in love with a beautiful, married woman. He slept with her and to cover up his sin, had her husband murdered.
David took a census of the Israelites to determine his fighting army, demonstrating a lack of faith in the Lord

Was David, then, unqualified to be called "a man after God's own heart?"

Firstly, David was human. Humans are not perfect. Humans are prone to errors in judgment, even those errors that seem so huge on the face of it. Humans are prone to adultery. Humans are prone to murder - either out of rage or to cover an indiscretion. Humans are prone to sin. That's what the incident in the Garden was all about. You know the one - where the serpent coerced Eve into sinning by eating the one thing she was commanded not to eat.
So David was human and that meant he was prone to the same sins as you and I. Had he lived a perfect life, he would have been nailed to a cross instead of his descendant Jesus Christ.

David also paid for his sin with a curse from God. That curse ultimately led to the death of his son, Absalom, and the civil war two generations later. So we see that there was consequence to David's sin - just as there is consequence to our own sin.

But, most importantly, David was repentant. When called on the carpet for his sin, David owned up to his sin and confessed that it was his own doing, not someone else's. He also sought to "be perfect as our Father in Heaven is perfect" - Matthew 5:48, NIV. That, I think, is David's master stroke. By confessing his sin, owning up to it, David showed to the Lord that he knew he was not any better than the common people - unlike the king that preceded him and many of the kings that followed. By repenting and pursuing transformation and perfection in the Lord, he showed the rest of us that it's possible for us as well.

Let's look at the Bathsheba Affair for a moment. We can see that there are several benign errors in judgment that led to the front page of the tabloids. Read from 2 Samuel 11:1-15 (NIV):

In the spring, at the time when kings go off to war, David sent Joab out with the king's men and the whole Israelite army. They destroyed the Ammonites and besieged Rabbah. But David remained in Jerusalem.
One evening David got up from his bed and walked around on the roof of the palace. From the roof he saw a woman bathing. The woman was very beautiful, and David sent someone to find out about her. The man said, "Isn't this Bathsheba, the daughter of Eliam and the wife of Uriah the Hittite?" Then David sent messengers to get her. She came to him, and he slept with her. (She had purified herself from her uncleanness.) Then she went back home. The woman conceived and sent word to David, saying, "I am pregnant."
So David sent this word to Joab: "Send me Uriah the Hittite." And Joab sent him to David. When Uriah came to him, David asked him how Joab was, how the soldiers were and how the war was going. Then David said to Uriah, "Go down to your house and wash your feet." So Uriah left the palace, and a gift from the king was sent after him. But Uriah slept at the entrance to the palace with all his master's servants and did not go down to his house.

When David was told, "Uriah did not go home," he asked him, "Haven't you just come from a distance? Why didn't you go home?"

Uriah said to David, "The ark and Israel and Judah are staying in tents, and my master Joab and my lord's men are camped in the open fields. How could I go to my house to eat and drink and lie with my wife? As surely as you live, I will not do such a thing!"

Then David said to him, "Stay here one more day, and tomorrow I will send you back." So Uriah remained in Jerusalem that day and the next. At David's invitation, he ate and drank with him, and David made him drunk. But in the evening Uriah went out to sleep on his mat among his master's servants; he did not go home.

In the morning David wrote a letter to Joab and sent it with Uriah. In it he wrote, "Put Uriah in the front line where the fighting is fiercest. Then withdraw from him so he will be struck down and die."

Wow. That's pretty harsh. OK - let's look at his mistakes:

He didn't go to war at the time the kings usually went. Maybe he was tired of fighting. Maybe he thought, "I'll sit this one out and go to the next war." At any rate - it was "the spring, at the time when kings go off to war" and David didn't go.
He saw a woman bathing. Hey - there's nothing wrong with accidentally seeing something like that. And I'll be the first to admit that it's hard to do the right thing and avert your eyes. So he saw someone. Not really a big deal.
He pursued the matter. Wo - that's going too far. He should've left it well enough alone. This is where the slope got more slippery than he could handle. He sent people to get her, and they had a good time together. For her, it was probably something equivalent to a groupie and a rock star. But the seed was planted, and she conceived a child.
He tried to cover it up. David sent for her husband to come home from the fighting, hoping that Uriah would go home for a conjugal visit and then think that the baby was his. But Uriah, being a better soldier than David at this point, only went home for a short while. Twice David tried to entice Uriah to return home, and twice he was foiled.
David had Uriah murdered. Well, not really. David told the soldiers to advance into heavy fighting then back off, leaving Uriah all alone on the front lines. You've seen it at weddings. The garter comes flying back and all the guys back up except one. Well, that one was Uriah.

So now, David has a pregnant groupie and a dead soldier. And he has at least one witness: Joab his army's commander. Joab doesn't know why David wanted Uriah dead, all he knows is that his king told him to make sure it happened. The deed is done, and all's well that ends well. Right? Don't forget though, that the Omniscient God in Heaven knows all and sees all. So God sent a prophet named Nathan to call David out regarding his problem:

But God was not at all pleased with what David had done, and sent Nathan to David. Nathan said to him, "There were two men in the same cityone rich, the other poor. The rich man had huge flocks of sheep, herds of cattle. The poor man had nothing but one little female lamb, which he had bought and raised. It grew up with him and his children as a member of the family. It ate off his plate and drank from his cup and slept on his bed. It was like a daughter to him.

"One day a traveler dropped in on the rich man. He was too stingy to take an animal from his own herds or flocks to make a meal for his visitor, so he took the poor man's lamb and prepared a meal to set before his guest."

David exploded in anger. "As surely as God lives," he said to Nathan, "the man who did this ought to be lynched! He must repay for the lamb four times over for his crime and his stinginess!"

"You're the man!" said Nathan. "And here's what God, the God of Israel, has to say to you: I made you king over Israel. I freed you from the fist of Saul. I gave you your master's daughter and other wives to have and to hold. I gave you both Israel and Judah. And if that hadn't been enough, I'd have gladly thrown in much more. So why have you treated the word of God with brazen contempt, doing this great evil? You murdered Uriah the Hittite, then took his wife as your wife. Worse, you killed him with an Ammonite sword! And now, because you treated God with such contempt and took Uriah the Hittite's wife as your wife, killing and murder will continually plague your family. This is God speaking, remember! I'll make trouble for you out of your own family. I'll take your wives from right out in front of you. I'll give them to some neighbor, and he'll go to bed with them openly. You did your deed in secret; I'm doing mine with the whole country watching!"

Then David confessed to Nathan, "I've sinned against God."

Nathan pronounced, "Yes, but that's not the last word. God forgives your sin. You won't die for it. But because of your blasphemous behavior, the son born to you will die."
2 Samuel 12:1-14, The Message

Read the curse from the passage: "because you treated God with such contempt ... killing and murder will continually plague your family." It doesn't say that David treated Uriah or Bathsheba with contempt, but God. How many times have I done something against a fellow human being that struck God right between the eyes? Every time I've insulted or hurt another person, I've insulted and hurt God. On the flipside, every time I've reached out to help another human being, I've reached out to help God. "I was hungry and you fed me, I was thirsty and you gave me a drink, I was homeless and you gave me a room, I was shivering and you gave me clothes, I was sick and you stopped to visit, I was in prison and you came to me.'"- Matthew 24:34, The Message

Has David ever reached out to help another? How about Mephibosheth? Read 2 Samuel 9:6-13 for details. Did that make the supermarket tabloids? Not many of us remember this story.

David was cursed, and the son from his relationship with Bathsheba died in infancy. David mourned for the child, fasting and praying in sackcloth and ashes for seven days until the child died. Then David ate. He comforted his wife Bathsheba and she bore him a new son named Solomon who later became king.

The curse came to David in many forms. His son Absalom led a rebellion against his father and was killed. His son Adonijah set himself up as king and plotted to have Solomon and Bathsheba killed. When David announced that Solomon was to become king, Adonijah was killed. After Solomon's peaceful reign, there was continuous rebellion and war until the end of the kingdoms of Israel and Judah. So David, and his house, paid for his sins.

The key, however, to David being on God's good side, however, appears in Psalm 51 - composed to demonstrate his repentance. Read it closely. "You're the One I've violated, and you've seen it all, seen the full extent of my evil. You have all the facts before you; whatever you decide about me is fair. I've been out of step with you for a long time, in the wrong since before I was born. What you're after is truth from the inside out. Enter me, then; conceive a new, true life." - Psalm 51:4-6, The Message

David repented. David begged God to change him into a new person. David recognized his sin and truly desired to be transformed. This desire, this true repentance is what makes David a man after God's own heart. David truly loved the Lord and desired to please Him. Being a human being, he fell down on the job sometimes.

Someone out there in blogland may be saying "I am not a sinner like David. I've never killed anybody. I've never committed adultery. I've never even used the Lord's name in vain." Well, maybe you haven't committed the same sins as David. But, as John wrote in 1 John 1:5-10 (The Message),

This, in essence, is the message we heard from Christ and are passing on to you: God is light, pure light; there's not a trace of darkness in him.

If we claim that we experience a shared life with him and continue to stumble around in the dark, we're obviously lying through our teeth—we're not living what we claim. But if we walk in the light, God himself being the light, we also experience a shared life with one another, as the sacrificed blood of Jesus, God's Son, purges all our sin.

If we claim that we're free of sin, we're only fooling ourselves. A claim like that is errant nonsense. On the other hand, if we admit our sins—make a clean breast of them—he won't let us down; he'll be true to himself. He'll forgive our sins and purge us of all wrongdoing. If we claim that we've never sinned, we out-and-out contradict God—make a liar out of him. A claim like that only shows off our ignorance of God.

I love my wife. But I make mistakes that sadden her. My intention may be to better our lives or find a new way to do something. But mistakes happen and someone gets hurt. And I learn from my mistakes. And I take steps to ensure those mistakes do not happen in the future. Very little is worse than my wife being angry with me. It's something I try to avoid.

It's the same with David and God. David loved God. He didn't consider the consequences of his actions in his relationship with God. He learned from his mistakes and took steps to ensure thos mistakes did not happen in the future. Nothing is worse than God being angry with you. It's something we should all try to avoid.

Why is David called a man after God's own heart? For the same reason I'm called a man after my wife's own heart. He loved God as I love my wife. He desired to please God as I desire to please my wife. If only I could attain the same relationship with God that David had. The only thing blocking that relationship is me. Won't you pray with me?

Prayer:

Almighty Heavenly Father, you love us though we do not deserve it. You provide for us when we are not grateful for the provision. And though we are not the ideal servants, you still care for our every move.

Father, we confess that we have sinned against you because we do not know how to love you. On the one hand, we desire to please you, and on the other hand we chase after earthly gain. We are trying to serve two masters and are learning that we are miserable in this service. Many times, we choose the master with immediate gratification: the master of worldly desire.

Father, bless us. Bless us with the peace and knowledge that striving to please you is not an empty reward. Help us to understand where true joy lies - in your bosom. Help us to reach the goal of being your good and faithful servants. Help us to be your children - children of whom you are proud.

We pray this in the Holy Name of your Son, Jesus Christ.
Amen.

Coming Back

2006-12-18T10:14:00.000-06:00

It appears my massive readership (yes, I'm talking about you!) didn't take to my move very well.

I wrote a few blog entries at my own server, but had issues. The biggest issue was comments. Thank you, Melanie for pointing that one out. I posted a poll asking if anyone out there in blog-land thought I should come back to Blogger, and I got one reply - from Melanie. That tells me one of three things:

Y'all have completely given up on me
Y'all didn't get the message that I've moved and are still looking for me here
Y'all don't love me anymore!

Well, in truth I'm leaning to the second one. That's the one that is easiest on my ego (which is, as my wife says, fragile).

So, here I am. I'm back. I'll be posting here. Likely be waiting until after this frantic holiday season is over though. No, I'm not talking about shopping, I'm talking about dealing with sick kids, and the possibility of travelling after Christmas.

In His love,
Clay

Moving...Again

2006-10-30T08:43:00.000-06:00

Yes, it's time to update your links. Blogger's down more than it's up. In fact, as I'm writing this, there's a message on my screen that says, "Could not connect to Blogger.com". I bet I could make a ton of money if I create a blog site and charge people 99cents per month. All I gotta do is leave it up more than Blogger's up.

Anyway, my new blog is hosted on my own server. Yeah, I'm in control. The blog's locations are:

Healing Power is now located at: http://clay.fhlforums.com/healing-power

Clay's Ramblings is now located at: http://clay.fhlforums.com/claysramblings

The Ramblings Homeschool Dad is now located at: http://clay.fhlforums.com/homeschooldadrambler

Check 'em out. I'm going to begin migrating some of the more important posts to the new location when I have time.

Speak, Lord, for Your Servant Listens

2006-10-29T06:35:00.000-06:00

I'm taking advantage of falling back. My alarm went off at 7:00 this morning. I got up to enjoy a cup of coffee, and was meditating on the goodness of Community Coffee Chocolate Raspberry when my wife came and reminded me that today was "fall-back" day. I went back to bed, but something kept nagging me to write this...

The boy Samuel was serving God under Eli's direction. This was at a time when the revelation of God was rarely heard or seen. One night Eli was sound asleep (his eyesight was very bad—he could hardly see). It was well before dawn; the sanctuary lamp was still burning. Samuel was still in bed in the Temple of God, where the Chest of God rested.
Then God called out, "Samuel, Samuel!"
Samuel answered, "Yes? I'm here." Then he ran to Eli saying, "I heard you call. Here I am."
Eli said, "I didn't call you. Go back to bed." And so he did.
God called again, "Samuel, Samuel!"
Samuel got up and went to Eli, "I heard you call. Here I am."
Again Eli said, "Son, I didn't call you. Go back to bed." (This all happened before Samuel knew God for himself. It was before the revelation of God had been given to him personally.)
God called again, "Samuel!"—the third time! Yet again Samuel got up and went to Eli, "Yes? I heard you call me. Here I am."
That's when it dawned on Eli that God was calling the boy. So Eli directed Samuel, "Go back and lie down. If the voice calls again, say, 'Speak, God. I'm your servant, ready to listen.'" Samuel returned to his bed.
Then God came and stood before him exactly as before, calling out, "Samuel! Samuel!"
Samuel answered, "Speak. I'm your servant, ready to listen."

- 1 Samuel 3:1-10, The Message
Like it or not, God still calls to us today. Have you ever taken the time to listen?

God speaks to us when He has something to say. While many will say His only Word is the Bible, I have to disagree - I believe He still speaks to those who will listen. There is so much of His work to be done, and so few workers.

Jesus went through all the towns and villages, teaching in their synagogues,
preaching the good news of the kingdom and healing every disease and sickness. When he saw the crowds, he had compassion on them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd. Then he said to his disciples, "The harvest is plentiful but the workers are few. Ask the Lord of the harvest, therefore, to send out workers into his harvest field."

- Matthew 9:35-38, NIV

Since there are few workers, we must all be ready to take orders from our High Commander when He issues them. Our orders may seem to be huge, "Go to the street corner I will show you and preach My word to the lost!" Or, we may be told to do something that seems to be tiny, "Give that homeless guy a quarter in My name." And the callings run the gamut in-between.

Yet, we balk at actually hearing God's voice in today's world. God speaks to us through the "Counselor", the Holy Spirit given to us after Christ's ascension into Heaven. Paul quoted Isaiah 64:4 in 1 Corinthians 2:9 that the Holy Spirit reveals to us the mind of God. Read 1 Corinthians 2:6-16.

We do, however, speak a message of wisdom among the mature, but not the wisdom of this age or of the rulers of this age, who are coming to nothing. No, we speak of God's secret wisdom, a wisdom that has been hidden and that God destined for our glory before time began. None of the rulers of this age understood it, for if they had, they would not have crucified the Lord of glory. However, as it is written:
"No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him" [Isaiah 64:4] — but God has revealed it to us by his Spirit.
The Spirit searches all things, even the deep things of God. For who among men knows the thoughts of a man except the man's spirit within him? In the same way no one knows the thoughts of God except the Spirit of God. We have not received the spirit of the world but the Spirit who is from God, that we may understand what God has freely given us. This is what we speak, not in words taught us by human wisdom but in words taught by the Spirit, expressing spiritual truths in spiritual words. The man without the Spirit does not accept the things that come from the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness to him, and he cannot understand them, because they are spiritually discerned. The spiritual man makes judgments about all things, but he himself is not subject to any man's judgment:
"For who has known the mind of the Lord that he may instruct him?" [Isaiah 40:13] But we have the mind of Christ.

Could that have only applied to the "age of the apostles"? Would God have only revealed Himself to us in this way for a short time then shut up as He did during the "400 years of silence" at the end of the non-apocryphal Old Testament? Or, am I just hallucinating?

I think it all comes down to discernment. I do not hear God speaking to me constantly. Either that's because He does not speak to me constantly, or it's because I have ears that do not hear Him. It's only on rare occasions, like this morning, that I hear Him.

People say, "Well, what does He sound like?" I believe you've heard His voice, even if you did not recognize it. His voice is not audible with our physical ears. We hear it in our spiritual ears - our receptive hearts. Yes, I believe we've all heard His voice, even non-believers who are trying to find some sort of meaning in their lives.

His voice is that gentle nudge that we feel when a decision to be made. ("Man, I'd really like to buy the new Third Day CD, but I can't afford it.")
His voice is the uneasy feeling - even a gnawing in your gut - when we do something we shouldn't have. ("I really should've left a note on that parked car I hit.")
His voice is the joy we feel on a rainy day when we sense His presence.
His voice is the confidence we feel when we embark upon some mission in unfamiliar territory.
And, His voice is the new idea that pops into our head to do something that will magnify His name.

Ah - but how do you know it's the Holy Spirit and not an evil spirit or last night's pizza with everything on it and extra jalapeños? What tells you it's God speaking to you and not a hallucination or just a really bad idea?

Then you look back on His written word. "All scripture is God-breathed." - 2 Timothy 3:16 That means God dictated all scripture to His secretaries (Moses, the Prophets, the Apostles, etc.) and they wrote it down. Divine inspiration and guidance also prevents the Word of God from being corrupted throughout history. So we know it's really God's word. (There are more surviving contemporary fragments of biblical works than of any other ancient work. They compare very well with modern translations.)

So if you feel God's putting it on your heart to divorce your spouse so you can marry that new hot neighbor, read scripture. It'll tell you otherwise. This is called "discernment". Wisdom and knowledge of scripture will help you to understand the will of God.

Do you want to hear God speaking to you? Here's how you do it:

Read your bible. All He asks is that you read it. Start with a couple of minutes a day. You'll find that it's fascinating reading, and you'll work your way up to bigger chunks.
Pray. Talk to God. Tell Him what's on your heart. Lift up those who need His intervention.
Listen to what He tells you. When you talk to God, don't monopolize the conversation. Give Him a chance to talk, too.

That's really all there is to it.

Get into the habit. Start reading His word. Fill your day with His presence. You can do it, even if you have a job or are a stay-at-home parent. Start with five minutes a day. Read the bible for one minute. Pray for two. Listen for two. That's all He asks. Before you know it, your prayer time will have ended and you will want more. Ask Him for the wisdom to understand what you read and hear. Ask Him for the confidence and strength to do what He wants you to do. And ask Him to give you peace when you take on His work.

Thanks for listening.

Having Some Fun

2006-10-27T10:51:00.000-05:00

What follows has nothing to do with God's Healing Power. But I don't know if anyone's still looking at Clay's Ramblings anymore. So, I'm a-gonna post it here.

I like to have fun every now and again, so I took the Shrek 2 Party CD with karaoke tracks, and recorded myself singing these. There are two songs I recorded, "I'm Too Sexy", originally done by Right Said Fred (I call myself Wrong Sed Clay), and "These Boots are Made for Walkin'" by Nancy Sinatra. These songs, however, are written too high for my voice. Yeah, I could fake my way through "Sexy", but "Boots" was downright horrible. Neither of those are available for download here, 'cuz I think they're bad.

So, last night, my wife and I talked about how bad they were. She had a suggestion: "Why not speak the lyrics? Lose the rhythm and just say the words with the music going in the background." We laughed about that idea for a while, then I said, "Sounds good".

What you have here (Sexy) and here (Boots) are my very special rendition of these songs. Yeah, I got no rhythm. But I do have a lot of fun!

Thoughts on Job

2006-10-24T09:35:00.000-05:00

That's Job (pronounced Jobe), not job (pronounced jawb).

Many people look to Job as the be-all end-all book on suffering. After all, who suffered more than Job? The book is his answer to his personal suffering, right?

Well, I don't think so. First, a little background. I was familiar with the book of Job. As a depressed high-schooler, many of my Christian friends suggested I read the book to put my life in perspective. I read the first three chapters and indeed, it put everything in perspective. I came away with the feeling that God really didn't care about us. After all, we were simply pawns in some cosmic chess game between the forces of good and the forces of evil. Didn't God place a bet on Job and allow Satan to do as he pleased?

I kept pointing to the book of Job as proof that we were nothing in God's eyes. It came to be my understanding that, though there was a God, and He came to us as Christ and gives each of us who ask His Holy Spirit, He really didn't give a flyin' flip about any of us.

Then, in January, 2002, I gave my life to Him. Shortly afterward, I lost my job (not Jobe, jawb). I was suddenly in a place where I needed to understand something, and again people began to recommend the book of Job. My folks asked me if I wanted to join them in a trip to California to visit my brother. My wife was overseas, my kid (at that time there was only one) was staying with her maternal grandmother, so I said, "Yeah!" On the way, I took the time and read all 42 chapters of the book of Job.

wowsers

As I read, I kept hearing all the things people had said to me, and that I'd said to and about God. But what really struck me was when God spoke to Job out of the whirlwind. "OK, you know so much about life and the nature of things, so tell me: Why did I design things the way I did? Can you play with sea monsters and give them to your daughters? Can you control the stars? Are you able to do any of these things"

I began to realize that, though I was a tiny player in a much larger 'cosmic' game - a game built by the Lord to destroy Satan - He still loved me dearly. Though the world come crashing down on me, He never promised me a good life; only a good afterlife. And much better than I can ever imagine.

In fact, the book of Job is not about Job or his suffering. It is about God. And the clue, again, came from the first three chapters. Yes, it was a cosmic bet. A gamble between two supernatural powers. A wager between the forces of good and the forces of evil. God had enough faith in Job to place his bet on him. God knew that, even though Satan would do his best to bring Job down, that Job would still come through. Satan thought betting on Job would be a long-shot. God knew it would be a sure thing.

And, in the end, God showed his infinite love for Job by restoring his wealth (twice over!) and his family. Though I gotta admit - what fun would it be for an old man to have to change diapers again?

Encouraged to return

2006-10-21T14:10:00.000-05:00

OK - to catch up:

My webserver's up and running. I'm debating if I want to install a blog engine there or just keep it here... That means my podcasts are available - look to your right -->
I've resurrected Clay's Ramblings - but now it's for secular thoughts like local politics.
I'm finding my place in God's world. And sometimes it ain't pretty...

Skip the depressing junk and read the happy stuff

Now that you're caught up, here's the scoop. I've been getting fairly discouraged. I work hard, and I get my kudos, but kudos aren't what I'm looking for. I like to see results. Without results, I tend to want to quit. When I quit (see my series on fear), I don't go back. And much of the LORD's work shows little or no result in this lifetime. That makes it difficult to keep going.

About the only place I feel encouraged about my work on a regular basis is doing the behind-the-scenes A/V work at Bering Drive Church of Christ (Sunday Church). Most of the congregation doesn't even know about the work I do, and I'm happy about that. Like I said, I'm not looking for a pat on the back. But I can see the difference in the work I do and that makes me feel good about it. It's instantaneous. It's satisfying.

So, I've found it hard to continue writing. Not that I haven't heard about how it's making people out there in blog-land think, I'm not getting the results I want. Now, how selfish is that? i mean - if I'm doing the LORD's work, then I need to get the results He wants, right? There's mistake number one.

I'm also involved in some work through various churches. Again, I'm not looking for kudos, but something concrete that demonstrates that my work is actually doing something. I volunteered for a very short while at an inner-city church. Between the drive and lack o' results, I quit. They said I was doing a good job, but I just didn't feel it.

I also volunteer with a prison ministry through "Wednesday Church". Every Thursday night, I venture over to Central Unit in Sugar Land, Texas, and sit for two hours with the prisoner to whom I have been assigned. Doug's a good guy. He's got 23 years remaining on a 25 year sentence for a crime committed 9 years ago. He knows the LORD and is on fire for Him in a way you have to see to believe. I have a lot of trouble seeing where I'm helping in his life.

As you may know from former entries, I'm also a Stay-At-Homeschool-Dad. I work all day, every day, with two kids who don't want to learn about anything except SpiderMan and the Men In Black. I tell them one thing, they do the other. I see no immediate results. The "light bulb" moments are few and far between. It's so frustrating, I'm considering abandoning homeschooling.

Finally, my writing and podcasts. I want someone to discover me, say, "Wow! We need to sign a book deal!" But nobody has. Those are the results I wanted to see, and they haven't materialized. (Yeah, I know every young kid that attends a baseball game has the same desire when they catch a foul ball...) It's been so bad I haven't even bothered to read anyone else's blog. I guess you could erase all those entries to the right. But don't do it yet! It's not their fault!

OK - so now you know why I've been discouraged. Why, then, did I even bother to sit down and write? Well, I'll tell ya! See, today, the LORD has taken extra time out of His busy schedule to open my blind eyes to the work I've been doing. He's shown me some of the results.

Every time my kids are involved in something outside the house, the people in charge of the event tell me how well behaved my children are. It's amazing. Those two terrors are angels in the presence of others. There's results. My oldest is learning multiplication. She can recite her tables to other people outside the house, but not in lessons. So, there are results. And, as my wife is always reminding me, there are results to be seen in 10-15 years when they move into the world.

This morning, I was invited to a VIPs (Volunteers in Prisons) breakfast. It was an appreciation breakfast, complete with recently released offenders. All three of the offenders present praised God for the work the volunteers did at the prison. The young lady offender is now a volunteer mentor at Carol Vance Unit, a faith-based prison in the Texas Department of Criminal Justice. More on that in another post - it's exciting! The two male offenders also have expressed a burning desire to become mentors within the prisons. My mentor in the mentoring program (?) let me know this morning that he received a letter from one of Doug's cellmates thanking him for bringing me into the mentoring program. He shared how much my presence has impacted Doug's life over the last six weeks. <sniff!>

The speaker at the breakfast was First Colony's own Ronnie Norman. He's really got a gift for telling it like it is. This morning, he spoke about the Widow's Mite - those two small copper coins that were dropped in the offering pot. He said, "It doesn't look like you're doing very much, and you may never see the results. But every person out there who wears white every day thanks you for the work you do." So, I may be out there working, and never see what happens. Heck, some of the seed may land on rocky, thorny soil or even be eaten by birds. But at least I'm trying to sow.

While at the breakfast, one of the men who knows my testimony introduced me to the leader of First Colony's Celebrate Recovery Program. He suggested I visit the program and offer proof that God really will help people recover from alcoholism, sexual addiction and emotional disorders if you'll just let Him! I gave a brief version of my testimony and he said it was very powerful. <boohoo>

Wow

So, when I get home, thinking about all that's been happening, my kids put in a movie (Aristocats) and my wife takes a nap. I get on the 'net and say, "Wow. I haven't read any blogs in a long time. I haven't really written anything serious in Healing Power in a long time, either!" I start reading.

I thumb through the blogs I really wanted to read (The Journeying Mother hasn't updated hers...) and posted a comment on The Palmer Perspective and moved on. One, again, showed me results in my writing. Joy in the Journey, specifically the entry entitled "Meet" said that my writing is changing lives. And that's the result the LORD wants.

So, thank you Doug. Thank you Gene. Thank you Ronnie. And, most of all this morning, thank you Joy. You have shown me that I need to stop worrying about the results I see, and just keep on plugging. After all, that's what the LORD wants me to do.

Prayer -

Almighty Heavenly Father, remind us all today of why we're here. There is so much we cannot see, so much we are unaware of. Like Elisha's servant in 2 Kings 6, open our eyes so that we may see. Or, better yet, help us to find the faith to believe without seeing, for as Christ said to Thomas in John 20, "blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed."

Father, we all suffer discouragement when we work for you, for Satan blinds us. Grant us your peace in all our endeavours, that we will hear you say "Well done, good and faithful servant". Thank you for the privelege of serving you. Thank you for the promise of inheritance of your Kingdom.

We pray this in Christ's Holy Name,
Amen!

Quick Update

2006-10-12T10:06:00.000-05:00

A friend of mine donated a computer to the cause. Now I have a 800MHz webserver! Woohoo! Thanks, Ralph!

So, once I get everything configured, I'll be up and running. After this morning's incident (the latest of many on Blog*Spot), I think I'll be moving my blogs to my personal server.

OK - gotta take the kids to Homeschool PE!

Time's Fun when you're having Flies!

2006-10-03T08:53:00.000-05:00

I actually saw that as a postmark on an envelope once. I think the letter was mailed from California.

I know God's been at work in my life. I can feel it. Funny thing is, I really have had zero desire to write about it. I mean, how the heck am I supposed to write when I don't even have time for my daily chores?... to complete the lessons I have planned?... to read and study His Word?... to pray?

I desperately want to remain in touch with God. I desparately want Him to be the cornerstone of all that I do. But then I get on the computer and start playing games or chatting with friends and I don't have time to write.

My Adult Sunday School class is reading through the bible in 90 days. It's a ginormous (say it out loud) proposition at first glance, but not impossible. We're committing ourselves to 12 pages every day in a specially-formatted NIV Bible. Right now, I'm 15 days behind. The class is in the middle of 1 Samuel, and I'm in Deuteronomy.

And, I just had to ask my daughter to give me some time to write. She wants to talk to me, and I want to write. I do talk to her a lot when she wants; in fact, that's one reason we don't accomplish all we want to on lessons. But that's another story.

OK - so I need to find time in my incredibly busy schedule to write. I need to find a way to defeat all the temptations on my time so that I can write.

How can I do this? The same way I defeated everything else in my life. I pray. I'm asking God to help me prioritize my time so that I can do what He wants me to do. I believe He wants me to talk to him - pray. He also wants me to study His Word - read the Bible. He also wants me to be a stay-at-homeschool Dad. That means I have to educate my kids, do laundry, vacuum, dust, clean the kitchen, bathe the kids, mow the lawn, clean the garage... you get the picture.

Perhaps we can all find more time to spend with our LORD. Perhaps we can all find those moments in our lives where we actually do what we're supposed to do: put Him first.

Will you join with me in this challenge to devote more time to God? Will you keep in touch with me and let me know how your doing? We should all encourage each other and say, "This is what I did today so I can spend more time with Him."

Prayer:

Almighty Heavenly Father, today we're asking that you fill our lives where ever we may be. Reach out to us, however far we may be away from you and fill us with your Spirit. We know you never leave us, but you do allow us to leave you when we fail to commune with you. You have promised us that all we need do is ask, and you'll forgive us. So, with repentant hearts, we are asking you to forgive us for the times we come up short. We are asking you to forgive us for our selfishness - spending our small amount of time on us without much though toward you.

Thank you, Father, for your gift of forgiveness and love. Thank you for giving us hearts that can know your joy. And thank you for defeating the temptation to stray from your side.

In Jesus' Holy Name we pray,
Amen!

Love - Verb or Noun?

2006-09-20T13:11:00.000-05:00

I've sat through endless sermons on how the English word love is so encompassing that it has lost all meaning. This is not one of them, but I will borrow some of their ideas.

Love is most often used as a noun. But we Christians are called to use it as a verb. I love you. In that sentence, which we often use in our Christian walk, love is a verb. The subject is I and the object is you. This is what I wish to focus on. We have lost touch with the active nature of love.

When we, as Christians, say to another person, "I love you", we are expressing an action - a delivering of something like charity - between the giver and the recipient. Love is the act of delivering the charity or tenderness or passion.

Since it is an action, it is something we can choose whether or not we are going to do it. For example, if I don't feel like walking to the bathroom when nature calls, there will be consequences. I may either wind up running or making a puddle. It is such an important part of life that we who are potty-trained no longer think about it. We just do it.

Likewise, we can choose whether or not we are going to love someone. Loving is a choice, not a feeling. If I don't feel like loving someone, it my choice not to act upon my call, as a Christian, to deliver charity to that person. Can I love a sinner? Does it depend on the nature of the sin? Can I love a murderer but not love a drunk? Can I love a church-going adulterer but not love the abortion-rights activist? It is my choice. If I am obeying Christ, however, I need to always choose yes. It's not easy.

Choosing to love someone, regardless of how you feel about that person, is our commandment. "Love your neighbor as you love yourself." That means, we must act on love as a verb, not a noun. Whether the love is there or not, we can create it. We call upon God to put the love in our hearts for those we feel do not deserve our love. The guy who raped your sister. The preacher who rejected Christ and became an atheist comedian ridiculing Christians until his death. The spouse who had an affair.

Ooh - that last one may hit a nerve. That goes way beyond our scope, doesn't it? That says "I have to love [verb] my spouse, too?" Yes, it's true. Love in marriage is not a feeling - a noun, it's an action - a verb. Steven Covey, on the tapes for "Seven Habits of Highly Effective People" talked about this. (I'm sorry, Mr. Covey, I no longer have the tapes from which to make a proper reference.) He talked about how a man mentioned to him that he no longer feels love for his wife and was, therefore, getting a divorce. Covey replied, "then love her." In marriage, as well as in our Christian walk, we are called to love (verb) our spouses. (is the plural of spouse spice?)

There is no such thing as a loveless marriage. If there is no love, it is your choice. It is also going to be your choice to love again. How can you love a spouse for whom you no longer feel love? The same way you love anyone else for whom you do not feel love. You pray about it. You ask God to put the feeling in your heart. You ask God to knock down the walls of bitterness and hatred that Satan has built around you. You generate the love with God's help.

My friends, I ask you, as Christ commanded, to love one another. Whether or not you feel love is moot. Love your neighbor. Love your spouse.

I Hate to Sweat

2006-09-19T01:13:00.000-05:00

"By the sweat of your brow you will eat your food..." declared God when he evicted Adam and Eve from the Garden. But our modern society - especially your beloved author - hates to sweat. We have gone to great lengths to ensure that we do not sweat. We get college degrees so we can work cushy inside jobs. We eat lite foods so we can keep a trim figure without going to the gym. We install air conditioning in our cars, homes and workplaces. All of this is to ensure no sweating.

Well, I hate to sweat. I mean, I hate it. I like liver and onions better than sweating - and I don't eat liver and onions; I'd rather go hungry, thank you! Living in Coastal Texas as I do, sweating isn't optional, either. When I was growing up in Southern Nevada, I don't remember sweating. My shirts all turned crystal white, but I don't remember sweating. The humidity in the desert was so low, the sweat evaporated (and, therefore, kept me cool) before I realized it was on my body. We later moved to Corpus Christi - and I hated it there because of the high humidity. But the coastal breeze did help, even on those stifling days with 100% humidity and 100°F.

But Yewsten is the worst. At least Corpus had a breeze. Nah - Yewsten doesn't even have a breeze. That's why the smog is so bad here. No breeze! I think I'll ask the National Weather Service about it. So, when you sweat in Yewsten, you drip. It doesn't evaporate or cool you, it stays until you become your very own storm cloud. The water is too heavy to stay on your body. Your clothes are soaked. Your pillow is a sponge. And it can all happen between the front door and the mailbox.

Perhaps it's the curse of the fall that's removed the breeze from Yewsten. I don't mean autumn, I mean Adam and Eve's choice to follow Satan rather than God. He told us we were going to sweat for our food. If we don't sweat, we don't get food. Well, I don't like to sweat, but I eat rather heartily. Heck - that's my favorite of all earthly pleasures. But I gotta pay for my food. My wife earns a paycheck and buys our food from the store. But I gotta pay the Piper.

Therefore I sweat. I sweat when working on the computer right next to our A/C window unit. I sweat when watching TV. I sweat when cooking dinner. I sweat. I sweat. I sweat. And it's all because God commanded it.

I hate sweating so much, that I don't like to work outside. I hate to mow the lawn before October. I volunteered to help friends with projects, but I'm miserable doing them because of the sweat. It's a major effort just to show up and do the work requested.

Is this God trying to get my attention? Is He holding my cheeks with one hand, telling me "Look at me, Clay!" Is He shaking His head in dismay as I try to do things my own way? Before He blesses me, I have to truly learn His ways. My head wants to, but my heart is so resistant. My heart has one foot in heaven and one foot in hell. And, I know that with a heart like that I won't hear Christ say "Well done, good and faithful servant." He'll more likely say, "You gave it a decent shot, and I'll let you in. But instead of a mansion, you got a bungalow on the side of the highway." (laughter, laughter, laughter)

Life on Earth consists of learning God's ways. God commanded us to sweat, whether we like it or not. God commanded us to lean on Him, whether we like it or not. God commanded us to love each other, whether we like it or not. Once we learn how to live the way God commanded... OK, learn isn't really the right word. I've learned it. I just have to copy that data from my head to my reluctant heart. My head wants to forgive that *^#*@&! who cut me off on the freeway. My heart says, "No way!" My head wants to rely on God 100%. My heart says, "I'll give you 50%. Maybe 75%." My head wants to be a good citizen. My heart says, "Let's have some fun like we used to have! Topless joints! Booze! Broads! Heavy Metal!"

Almighty Heavenly Father, I know that you've been working for over four years, in infinite patience, to teach my heart to love you as you desire. After the life I've lived, I have no right to ask for more. Still, though, I must. I am not yet the person you want me to be. I'm still a weak vessel. I have earthly desires. Continue to work in my life until these earthly desires are quenched. Not satisfied, but removed. Continue to remove the influence of the enemy. Hold my hand as I face temptation. Turn my heart from all that is evil - and so inviting!
I pray this in Jesus' Holy Name,
Amen.

Before you think I'm dissin' someone...

2006-09-19T00:53:00.000-05:00

Regular readers of Healing Power and the old Clay's Ramblings blogs will notice that the top link on the right keeps changing. Well, before you think I'm not happy with the blog at the top spot, it's not my fault. My friend AT keeps changing his blog. Now, I've only done it once, and that was only at my wife's urging. AT, he changes his title (and URL) whenever he gets a wild hair. 'Course, with all the updating across the web that needs to be done (such as here, The Rat and the Rambler [will he ever join me on that one?], The Rambling Homeschool Dad and since I'm helping update ChittyBang's Outside Looking In blog...) across the web, it's a wonder I link to his site at all.

Seriously, though, AT has a good thing going. He's narrowing his vision down to where God wants him to be. Rather than focusing on three million projects at once, AT is finding his place in God's world. That means I'm happy for him. But I've got a lot of updating to do...

ARGH!!!

2006-09-17T15:55:00.000-05:00

I've spent all weekend massaging my webserver to keep it up. I think the CPU (Intel 500MHz) has given up the ghost. It won't even go through POST now. (For the ungeeks out there, POST = Power On Self-Test. You know, it's what you see on the screen before "Microsoft Windows" appears.) I've replaced the memory, but I don't have another 500MHz chip to replace it with.

In the past, I've begged for server space - not unlike a homeless man begging for cash. But, today, I'm going to remember Matthew 6.

"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?

"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

- Matthew 6:25-34, NIV

I believe it is God's will for me to record PodCasts. Since they are no longer available (the server on which they are stored is toast), and He wants me to record them, He must want me to store them somewhere. He will provide either a working server in my house or a server on which I can store them. I'm not going to rush it. I can do this on His time. After all, there is no other time, is there?

Has it really been a week?

2006-09-15T13:59:00.000-05:00

I last posted here a week ago. I didn't think it'd been that long.

Well, for those of you rabid fans who are chompin' at the bit for the next installment, you'll have to wait. I was writing a new entry when the batteries on my palm pilot died and I lost it. :( So, out of frustration, I'm gonna wait until Monday to post anything with meat again. In the meantime, chew on this.

The preambles to all 50 of the state constitutions begin with references to our Creator. Why, then, are the states now maligning the Creator they deemed so respectable when they became states? This was circulated as an e-mail and claimed to be a falsehood. Turth or Fiction checked it out and claims it's true. If you want to research it yourself, all 50 of the state constitutions are available to read on the 'net. Google them and read.

So, until Monday, God willing, I'll be back to write some more. Heck, you never know what's gonna happen over the weekend! Maybe I'll post tomorrow (or later tonight...)

A Victim of "High-Risk" Evangelism

2006-09-09T00:24:00.000-05:00

When I was 19, my best friend and I discovered beer. And, being 19, we didn't discover it for its taste. No-sirree, Bob! We discovered it for its propensity to remove us from reality. Since my high-school sweetheart was a bible-thumping "high-risk" evangelist, I knew the arguments against getting drunk. I also had a good comeback that worked against her. "It's not getting drunk that's sinful, it's what you do when you're drunk that's a sin." It worked for a while, until she got tired of playing second-fiddle to my drinking.

But that's another story for another day. The real story here is what happened when we got to my best friend's house after a hard night of drinking. His mother would be waiting up for us - even at 3am - with a bible in her hands. She raised the bible over her head and told us, "You boys are going to HELLLLLLLLLLLL for the way you're behaving!"

Of course, I was quite a smart-aleck, and I responded with something like, "Wo. That's heavy. Gimme a beer," at which point my friend would fall down laughing. He was good at that. I remember one night at Pizza Hut after we consumed several pitchers of whatever was on tap, that he commented about the thick fog outside. We were huge fans of the movie Airplane, so I grabbed his belly and said, "And Leon's getting larger!" He fell down laughing.

'Course, he's also the one that babysat me on so many hangovers. He'd hold my head up so it wouldn't fall in the toilet. He'd carry me into my house when I was passed out and let my folks know I was OK. He always looked out for me, 'cuz I was a bigger drunk than he ever was. But those days ended when I joined the Navy and he stayed in school. We kinda drifted apart. Yeah, we're still in touch, but most of our phone calls end with, "We gotta get together some day!"

I quit getting drunk in 1995. I still enjoy a very rare brew - particularly Young's Oatmeal and Double Chocolate Stouts. But if I sit down intending to get drunk, I can't even get the beer past my nose. The smell is horrible, and the taste is so bad it won't go down. So I don't get drunk.

Anyway, I'm digressing. When I told him I had become a true Christian, he was very disappointed. It was in March of 2002, six months after 9/11. He said he wanted nothing to do with religion, because religion was what caused those whackos to do what they did. Religion was what caused more wars in our history than anything else, and he wants nothing to do with it. He also pointed out how his niece, born to his unwed sister nearly 20 years before, was always beating her bible and telling him how he was going to hell because of his refusal to accept the gospel. She then turned up pregnant at 16. If Christians are such hypocrites, why would he want anything to do with them?

He's got a point. And I've been unable to break through that. All I can do is live the life. He knows that many people consider drinking to be a sin. If I'm not going to be a hypocrite, I need to show that I can practice what I preach. Therefore, I do not drink around him. "Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification. Do not destroy the work of God for the sake of food. All food is clean, but it is wrong for a man to eat anything that causes someone else to stumble. It is better not to eat meat or drink wine or to do anything else that will cause your brother to fall." - Romans 14:19-21, NIV

He is a victim of "high-risk" evangelism. He's had so many bibles thumped over his head, he doesn't want anything to do with it. I've seen it happen to so many people that I want to steer clear of this in my own walk. Many bible-thumpers demand a higher level of living than any human being, even the bible-thumper themselves, is capable of living. These hypocrites are exactly to whom Jesus was speaking when He said,

Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye.

- Matthew 7:3-5, NIV

Now, read that closely. Another word for plank is log. This cartoon, from from www.joe-ks.com, is what Jesus was talking about. Think about it. Isn't this a funny idea? I mean, to think that you have a log in your eye, and you are trying to remove a tiny speck from someone else's eye... Yeah, when I think about that I laugh out loud.

But this is exactly what Jesus was talking about. Hypocrites have a bigger problem than the other person, but they are so involved in fixing the other person's life, they can't even see their own problems. Now, I'm not saying all "high-risk" evangelists are hypocrites, but I am saying that some are. And, the funny thing is, Jesus doesn't want us to point out everyone else's shortfallings. He wants us to love each other. He wants us to reach out with open arms, not closed fists. The Bible is to be our instruction book, not our weapon.

A Closer Look at Threat Levels

2006-09-07T22:54:00.000-05:00

Podcast available here

In a previous entry, I wrote about five threat levels of evangelism. Intrigued by my buddy AT's success on You Tube, I posted my own VidCast which was basically me reading that entry. You can view that here as well. Don't worry, AT,I'm not going to go much further into video at this time.
Anyway, one of the written comments was "Evangelism? lol. I've seen those kind of people too. lol. nice shot at them". Oh, wow. I really wasn't trying to "take a shot at anyone" with my comments on threatening evangelism. This is not, however, a defense of anything I've written or said. It is an analysis of why that comment may have been made.
Many people perceive Christians as a threat, even if we don't come right out and say we are trying to increase the flock. So many people have had negative experiences with Christians, that it's no wonder they see us as a threat. Let's look at that, shall we?
Perhaps we should define comfort levels in conjunction with threat levels. After all, if someone is not impeding on my comfort level, they are not threatening me, are they? So, what is your comfort level? Can you handle the truth?
The vast majority of humankind has some sort of belief in higher power. Either they are devout atheists, devout believers in one or more deities, or somewhere in between. Most of us believe something because our parents taught us about it. Some found it through the action of others, whether directly or indirecty. Truth is, most everyone, whether atheist, agnostic, buddhist, hindu, jew, muslim, christian or other, is fairly firm in whatever they believe. The thought of conversion, therefore, is a threat. I, for example, am commited to my LORD and Savior, Jesus Christ. That commitment causes me to view with suspicion anyone who wants me to believe otherwise. Why, then, would I expect them to react differently toward me?
Here in Houston, I live in a very diverse neighborhood. On my block are muslims, buddhists, hindus, christians and atheists. The next block over, there are places of worship for the christians, muslims and buddhists. I'll be honest: I have yet to reach out to anyone about Christ. Why? They have their own beliefs. Though I believe they are hellbound for their rejection of the gospel, they believe I am hellbound (or whatever) for my acceptance of it. It's a catch-22.
So, it violates my comfort level to violate theirs. What, then, am I called to do?
I am called to imitate Christ and the apostles.
Christ spoke in the temple on regular occasions, but that was to His own people, the descendants of Jacob. When He did speak to gentiles, it was the gentiles who brought up the subject.
InJohn chapter 4, Jesus talks with a Samaritan woman at a well. He does not walk up to her and say, "I'm the Messiah. Worship me." Rather, He slowly leads the discussion that way. He never condemns her, even though He acknowledges her sinful lifestyle. His approach to this non-believer is one we need to note.
Another example is Saul and the proconsul Sergius Paulus in Acts 13. Sergius Paulus was a pagan, but intrigued by what he had heard about God and sent for Saul and Barnabas. Though a miracle was performed in his court, the proconsul "believed, for he was amazed at the teaching about the Lord."
Is it, then, appropriate to go boldly into people's personal space and tell them about something that may make them uncomfortable? What is it about Christ that may make one uncomfortable? Is it the alternative? Is it the fact that their rejection of the gospel is a one-way ticket to the second death? Is there a scriptural example of 'cold-call' evangelism?
Sorta.
Acts 17 relates Paul's street-preaching in Athens. He knows they believe in a multitude of gods; they even have an altar "TO AN UNKNOWN GOD." The enterprising missionary then introduces them to this "unknown god," who's name is Jesus Christ.
So, through comparison and reasoning, we may be able to introduce another to Christ. But bringing up the subject with the words "if you don't know Jesus, you are going to HELLLLLLLLL!" will avail you - and Christ - nothing but an empty net.
So evangelism has a bad rap because of a few over-zealous but well-meaning folk. If this is your style, I invite your comments: tell me of a time when you won someone over. I know that friends who received that treatment 25 years ago are still unreceptive to the gospel.
Reach out in love with reason. Reach out with an open hand, not clenching a bible to thump it over their heads.

Falling Away...

2006-09-06T22:56:00.000-05:00

Podcast available here

Ever have the feeling you're falling away? The feeling that everything's hunky-dory, and suddenly you're no longer in touch with that which you hold most dear? I feel that way sometimes. I felt that way today. I felt as if suddenly I were thousands of miles from God's hand. I don't know when it happened; I don't recall drifting. But suddenly I was there, lonely and isolated from Him.

My wife and I discussed it some tonight. I had been caught up in an exciting new direction with our homeschooling and read voraciously anything I could find about the strategy. I had made plans to spend Labor Day with an old friend I hadn't seen in years. I had made plans to do a lot of things, and those exciting plans had kept me from the basics - reading God's Holy Word.

So, disconnected and alone, I began to feel that there were serious problems. When we discussed it earlier, she suggested I sing. Yeah, the last thing I wanted to do was sing. I didn't feel very close to God, and the songs just weren't in my heart. But she suggested I sing, so I did. I climbed in the shower (my favorite place to sing at home - plus it's far enough away from the girl's bedroom that I won't wake them! :) and began to sing my favorite song: "Our God, He is Alive". It's got a rich, strong bass line - and if you've heard my PodCasts, then you probably know where I sing...

It was weak at first, really only in my head. But as the cool water (this is summertime in Houston. I don't take hot showers!) fell on me, I began to sing His praises more robustly. I sang the song over and over again, until it poured out of my spirit - not just my mouth. I again felt that He is truly alive!

I had to come out and write about this experience. For, as it is written:

Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord's will is. Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. Instead, be filled with the Spirit. Speak to one another with psalms, hymns and spiritual songs. Sing and make music in your heart to the Lord, always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.

- Ephesians 5:15-20

I can't sing to you with these electronic words. But I can share with you the experience my singing brought me tonight.

He is TRULY Alive!

Hey - my first VidCast

2006-09-01T11:44:00.000-05:00

OK, I'll be honest. It's not that great. But it's my first. It's me, reading the Threat Level entry below. Yeah, I know, I've got a face for radio. Check it out! Let me know what you think! Or, go to the movie itself and post a video response if you dare!

Instilling a Desire to be Godly

2006-08-25T07:36:00.000-05:00

Podcast available here

Before I start, I'm not condemning parents for not homeschooling. I understand that there are reasons it cannot be done. So, I ask that you read this objectively. I am detailing what I am doing to raise Godly children. Suggestions and feedback are welcome!

I have two young daughters. Lately, on the radio and on the podcasts to which I subscribe (thanks, AT, now I'm hooked! :P), many people are discussing the problem of purity among today's teens. It's downright scary.

We're homeschooling, and a big reason is so I can instill a desire to be Godly in my kids before I turn them loose in the real world. This is a battle we're fighting - not against other people, but against evil itself.

So, I hear about 7 year olds at "rainbow parties". They are sexual parties with such disgusting party games I won't go into them here. The name, however, is rather benign.
One of my wife's co-workers said that at his daughter's high school, they make fun of her because she's not bi-sexual. They tease her with the name "homophobe" because she won't try it.
My daughter's friends and cousins wear clothes that are shockingly revealing - even in pre-teen years.

Now, I wasn't the purest child on the block. But I don't want my kids to make the same mistakes I did. How can I raise my kids to be pure in an increasingly impure world? It appears that it's much tougher now than it was (dare I say) 20 years ago.

We get back to the homeschooling area. My oldest is seven (she'd want me to add "and a half"). People she knows who attend regular school are already familiar with terms such as "crack", "pot", "take a hit" and many sexual terms. And they're only seven or eight! I mean, I was a depraved person through my teenage years, but I knew very little about sex (except for 'the talk') until I was 12, and even less about drugs until I was about 15. And what my parents taught me about sex wasn't half as exciting as what my friends taught me! Hey - my friends had pictures! Woohoo!

So, in order to lay a foundation of faith upon which my kids can build their lives, my wife and I have chosen to control more of their lives through their formative years. We are told in Proverbs to "Train up a child in the way they should go, and when they are older, they will not depart from it". That is what we desire to do.

We know we can't protect our kids from the world, but we want to introduce them to the perils on God's terms, not the government's. Are they getting "socialization"? That depends on your definition of "socialize". They have many friends from both the homeschool and public school environments. They spend time at their friends' houses, and their friends spend time here. We are not isolating them from the world. But we are keeping them from the heat of battle until they are ready.

I pray that I can teach my kids to avoid the pitfalls I've encountered in my life. I pray that my girls will grow up for a love of Christ I didn't know until after my oldest was born. I believe that the only way to return this country to Christ is to teach the children.

What's the Threat Level?

2006-08-23T08:08:00.000-05:00

Podcast available here

Over the last five years, we've heard a lot about threat levels. With the creation of a new cabinet post called the Department of Homeland Security, came a new idea about threat levels. Using bright colors, we can see how the government perceives the level of terror threat against our nation.

Many have also developed parodies of the threat level. Since I have kids, here's one of my favorites:

I'm thinking about posting it over there on the sidebar...

So we recognize the threat level indicator and what it all means, here is the official listing from the Department of Homeland Security:

Red = Severe - basically, a terrorist attack is imminent or occurring
Orange = High - There is a high risk
Yellow = Elevated - This is where we've been since 9/11
Blue = Guarded - If we ever win the war on terror, this is likely where we'll be. Kinda like DEFCON in the military, they never go below DEFCON II.
Green = Low - When we all get to Heaven...

But, I began to think about another threat level. The Evangelism Threat Level. In Sunday School, we read the story about Philip and the Ethiopian Eunuch (Acts 8:26-40). We asked why Philip found evangelism so easy, while the rest of us find it so difficult, and people began to share stories.
One told about a playground incident where a first-grader told another first-grader she was going to hell because she didn't go to church. The girl was so traumatized that she had to be sent home, and the parents filed a grievance against the school.
Another told about the day a group of church women who had been sprinkled were told about immersion. 26 were immersed that day.
Another told about an evangelist who had a table at a university and brought in many people from different backgrounds.
Another told about the street preacher with tracts.
I brought up old friends who were 'bible-thumpers' and thought that beating others over the head with the bible was the way to lead them to Christ.

Why are some of these successful, while the others are not? That's when the idea hit me about Evangelism Threat Level. I don't know how many levels there are, but I'll discuss high and low threat levels.

The playground evangelist and the bible-thumpers are a high threat level. I suppose it would be orange or even red.

Meanwhile, the street preacher, though he's likely considered to be a bit whacked-out, is a lower threat level. Perhaps, if he's shouting "The Day of Judgment is coming! You must repent or spend eternity in HELLLLLLLLLLLL!" the threat level would be a bit higher. But if he's just handing out tracts without actually saying anything to you, it would be a bit lower. So, we'll say this guy is somewhere between blue and orange.

Then, there's the guy with the table at the university. He just sits there, with books and tracts, and only speaks to people who first speak to him. That's a pretty low threat level. We'll call him a definite blue. Not quite green because he's still reaching out to people who are not yet believers.

Finally, you've got the group of women at a bible study. They are there by choice, already believers and studying the Word of God. They hear about immersion versus sprinkling and make the choice to be immersed. That's a very low threat level, we'll call it a definite green.

OK - so we've got

Kid tells another kid she's going to hell

Bible-Thumpers

Street preachers
Guy at the table
Ladies at a bible study

Now, how do we handle the different threat levels? I think that depends on your relationship with Christ and your personality style. Me, I'm not very comfortable getting in people's personal space, but I've been told that this writing is actually impacting lives. So, I keep writing. I also do things like sit in restaurants reading my bible with copies of the Gospel of John available to distribute. I let them come to me. It won't plant a seed, but if someone's seeking and sees my bible open, they'll ask.
There are others who are more outgoing. They are gifted with being able to just come right out and say it even in less comfortable settings. They won't sit and wait, they'll interrupt your day and say, "My friend, do you know Jesus?" Sometimes it works. Every time it will plant a seed. If they don't know when to let go, though, they'll just drive people away from Christ. They'll become 'bible-thumpers'.
Then there are those who don't do anything. They are so uncomfortable with the Word of God that they just sit there and hope nobody ever asks them about Christ. If someone does, they blow it off. I used to be this kind of person, but the Spirit convicted me of my lackadaisical attitude toward the Word of Christ.

What's your threat level? Are you willing to push it a bit and share the Word? Are you willing to reach out to others? Be a hero.

Fear - all wrapped up

2006-08-22T20:06:00.000-05:00

I've closed out my series on fear, posted at The Rat and the Rambler blog. Check it out, and let me know what you think!

The Healing Power of Christ

2006-08-21T08:21:00.000-05:00

This is an update to my testimony.

For three years, I was on medication for bipolar disorder. Nearly three years ago, I stopped taking that medication for a multitude of reasons. By and large, I've also been free of symptoms, because I trust God to take them away. Only when I avoid God, whether by choice or by chance, do the symptoms return.

Last week, though, some of the 'less-undesirable' symptoms started raising their head. I call them 'less-undesirable' because, while they are not necessarily desirable, they're not as bad as the symptoms that got me to a doctor in the first place. These 'less-undesirable' symptoms are sleeplessness, talkative, and bouncing from project to project. I must have started five major projects, including cleaning the garage, work on a neighbor's fence, deep-cleaning the kitchen, a blog series on fear, and a musical project. Only the series on fear is still in process, though the kitchen is complete.

These are symptoms of the manic portion of manic-depression, also known as bipolar disorder. These are symptoms of the demons that have tormented me for most of my adult life. After recognizing their return, and with a tremendous desire to 'nip this in the bud', I sat down on Friday night and asked God what was going on. I was no longer focused on Him, but on myself.

After deep consideration of my priorities, and re-configuring them, I was able to get to sleep. The projects were either completed or aborted the next day, and I faced my family well-rested.

The Healing Power of Christ is an amazing thing.

Welcome to Healing Power!

2006-08-19T00:17:00.000-05:00

Healing Power is the new home for Clay's Ramblings. Thank you for following me here. All of the old entries are still available at Clay's Ramblings. Many posts from here will link back to those entries. Feel free to bounce back and forth between the two.

I'm looking for a cool banner for this page. Anyone with ideas,let me know. I would edit the one I have, but I no longer have access to the GIF animator! Doh!

Through this transition, I'm still posting on my series Fear at The Rat and the Rambler. Read the latest entries. Check back here for updates to the podcast which should be available for download from iTunes on Monday August 21, 2006!

Exciting things are happening here! Check back often!

Adios,
Clay

Healing Power

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What would make someone do that?

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Click Here for Part I

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Yes, another "Hypocrisy Revealed!" post...

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I will rejoice and be glad in it.

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He who covers over an offense promotes love, but whoever repeats the matter separates close friends.- Proverbs 17:9, NIV

I'm sorry if I've offended you....

That Rawks!

Go for the Gusto!!!

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A Couple of Lessons in Humility

He who covers over an offense promotes love, but whoever repeats the matter separates close friends.
- Proverbs 17:9, NIV