Where Faith and Fear Collide

There's something deep inside
That keeps my faith alive
When all you can do
Is hide from the fear
That's deep inside of you
Something...
To hold me close when I don't know
There's something deep inside
That keeps my faith alive!

- Collide by Skillet. From the album by the same name.

As I mentioned, God seems to want to keep me where I am. "Keep doing what you're doing and it will be OK," He says. But, my brain says, "This isn't going to work. How can I keep doing something that isn't working and expect it to work?" But for some reason, I'm doing what I think God wants me to do. That's faith. And I'm afraid. I'm making 1/3 the money I need to make in order to meet the bills. Yet I'm supposed to believe it's all going to be OK. How?

"There's something deep inside that keeps my faith alive." It's faith that keeps me doing what I think God wants me to do even though I believe it's not going to work. As the man said, "I believe! Help my unbelief!"

"When all you can do is hide from the fear that's deep inside of you." I want to run and hide. I want to run back to IT, even though I'm not going to make anywhere near the money we used to make. I want to run back to a world I don't like because I'm comfortable there. That's where I'm going to hide from the fear.

I'm scared. Yet I'm compelled to continue doing what I think God wants me to do. What would you do?

Adios,
Clay

(äd-s) [Spanish adiós, probably translated from French à dieu. (I commend you) to God  : a, to (from Latin ad. See ad-) + Dieu, God (from Latin deus. See dyeu- in Indo-European Roots).]