What's my connection...

What is your connection with God? Do you have one? Have you ever felt His presence during a time of prayer or worship? Have you relied on His guidance so much that if you let go you would surely fall? Have you literally communed with Him - by that, I mean established a communal link where you speak to Him and He speaks to you?

For most of us, those are stories in the Bible. For some, those are fleeting moments. For a very rare few, those are everyday occurrences. I fall into the middle category. Either I've experienced communion with Him or I've had some fantastic hallucinations. I lean toward the former. Problem is, those moments are fleeting.

And, I've found that they most often happen when I'm in the presence of the woman who led me to Him. Well, this week, she went to visit her mother out of state. I'm at home alone. 36 hours after she left, I found the alone-ness to be more than I could bear. There I sat, in the pew at church, without her by my side. Though I was surrounded by friends, I was still utterly alone. Suddenly, the realization hit me. Sure, I have found connection with God, but it's only through her.

I spoke with an elder at my church concerning this. I want that connection with Him back. I don't want to have to plug in through her. I am supposed to have a direct connection with Jesus - like I have with people standing right next to me. That happens rarely enough and only with her present. Not to mention the fact that I know how God fixes problems like this - He removes the stumbling block. Just like He's done before by removing my job, rendered my education worthless and shown me glimpses of poor health. Now I'm terrified He'll remove my wife.

So I asked an elder how to fix this. He's been a preacher most of his life; if anyone knows how to fix it, it'll be him. He told me it's simple. “Confess to God what you just told me. Ask Him to fix it.”

I thought, “No way. It can't be that simple.”

I first called my wife and told her my thoughts. I also told her what the elder told me. She said, “You know how God fixes this sorta thing, right?” See, I'm not paranoid. “It's a good thing I came to Mom's house. It'll give you a chance to fix this.”

So I sat down and I prayed. I confessed this co-dependency to Him and asked Him to help me establish a direct connection with Him. I don't pray as much as I should. In fact, I gotta admit that I have a reminder on my computer at work. It pops up once every two hours and simply says “Pray.” There's a funny story about that - and I'll tell it at the end.

Anyway, I don't pray much, but I did on Sunday after I got home from church. And I didn't feel God's presence like I had in those few minutes in my past. What I did feel, was a comfort, even in my alone-ness. In fact, the alone-ness was completely gone. Rather than stay up all night depressed 'cuz I'm all alone, I worked around the house, cleaning my daughter's room some and starting laundry. I went to bed at a decent hour, too.

Is the connection via my wife cut? Am I directly connected to God? Only time will tell for sure. I've shortened the duration on my “Pray” reminder to one hour. It sure cuts into my work. But I think it's worth it in the long run. I don't say much, I just thank Him for giving me His time out of His busy schedule, and ask that He help me to be His representative here on Earth. Another job I'm not doing too well, but that's another topic for another day.

So, pray with me. Pray that I - and, likely, so many others out there - get and keep a direct connection to our Lord and Maker. Pray that we can help others establish and maintain the same connection. Pray for our country's leaders, our lawmakers, our law enforcers and our soldiers. Especially pray for our sailors - I had to add that 'cuz I used to be one.

Prayer:

Almighty Heavenly Father,
Thank you for this day. Thank you for the opportunity you've given each of us to worship you. Your holiness, your majesty. There is nobody worthy of praise except you!

Father, we confess that we have put others in our lives before you. Our spouses, our children, our parents, our friends. We acknowledge that this sin separates us from you. By putting another first in our lives, we set ourselves - and them - up for failure. Nobody can live up to the love you embody. Forgive us this sin, we pray. Pour out your love on us that we may reflect your holiness.

Father, as we move through our lives, pour out your blessings of love and peace upon us. Fill us with your Spirit; your joy.

In Christ's Holy Name we pray,
Amen!

Funny Story

At work last week, a fellow SysAdmin was showing me how a certain software package worked. After installing it, and right when I started it up for the first time, my computer reminded me to pray. He started laughing out loud. “That's scary. You start the program and your computer tells you to pray. I hope it doesn't explode!”

Adios,
Clay

(äd-s) [Spanish adiós, probably translated from French à dieu. (I commend you) to God  : a, to (from Latin ad. See ad-) + Dieu, God (from Latin deus. See dyeu- in Indo-European Roots).]